People commenting on your appearance while in the closet

[Charlie Nicki]

Hi everyone,

So I'm out to my close friends and some of my family but I'm very early in the process, just taking spiro, no estrogens yet. I made it my mission to lose weight since I was muscular and I managed to lose 7 kgs in the past 3 months and almost all my muscle. I was muscular yet thin to begin with so the difference shows...A LOT! On top of that I removed my beard and I'm letting my hair grow; I still very much look like a dude, but a younger and skinnier one.

Well here's the deal: Last night I had a small gathering to celebrate my boyfriend's birthday and most of his friends still don't know what's happening (my decision not to tell them yet) and a couple of them kept commenting I had lost weight...almost in a negative light like "wow you're so skinny" *worried face* to which I replied: "Yeah I stopped going to the gym". And yes I did look better before for a man's standards, and while I'm clear that I have a goal of looking more feminine, I couldn't help but feel bad! I felt so ugly. It was a moment of realization, if something as small as losing weight made people talk, and made me feel bad, when the bigger changes start happening people are gonna talk even more, and say their unsolicited opinion even more. I really felt bad all night and even this morning, thinking I need to grow a thicker skin. I give this vibe of being super secure of myself but I'm definitely not.

How do you guys cope with this? Any similar situations pre transition?

[elkie-t]

I think you would handle it better if you just say 'Yes, but my boyfriend likes me skinny', or anything light-hearted to show you know what you're doing and he supports you. I assume you are a gay couple, and it's not unheard of one partner becoming more androgynous or feminine while another is more masculine. His friends would definitely understand and accept it without any need of explanation for transition.

Or you could tell them there that you're taking hormones and will transition. The most difficult part is to tell your family and come out at work, your boyfriend's buddies aren't a concern here


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[Charlie Nicki]

Yeah I'm not "concerned" about them, I was just saying how certain comments can upset me especially when I haven't asked their opinion.

[MissKairi]

people will mention things if you ask them or not.
So yeah people WILL notice nail polish hugely.

I have sticky dots on my charger because they are cute and that was noticed

You're gonna have to learn to roll with them and yes it is hard and yes it does hurt

[DawnOday]

Don't worry so much. As you progress you will discover who your real friends are. You've probably lived in negativity all your life. Not understanding what is going on with your mind. You will survive and in fact thrive. I've lost 70 lbs and whenever I see someone I haven't seen in a while, comments on the loss. I just thank them and go on about my business. if it is a close friend, I explain my situation. If not, I just accept it as a complement I've worked very hard for the accomplishment.

[jentay1367]

Since they don't know, most are just showing their concern. Guys wanna generally look ripped and jacked. You don't now and they think it may be a health issue.  Put them in the loop and they'll most likely celebrate your wins with you.  But under the circumstance, I'd say theirs is a voice of concern. Why don't you want them to know?

[Charlie Nicki]

Since they don't know, most are just showing their concern. Guys wanna generally look ripped and jacked. You don't now and they think it may be a health issue.  Put them in the loop and they'll most likely celebrate your wins with you.  But under the circumstance, I'd say theirs is a voice of concern. Why don't you want them to know?

I'm so early in the process that I just want to avoid any unnecessary negativity, I'm not saying their response will be negative but why even risk it?...Also I just don't want to be talking about transitioning ALL the time lol. At this point I've come out like 20 times already and I know there will be much more so I avoid telling the people I don't consider super important.


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[Charlie Nicki]

Don't worry so much. As you progress you will discover who your real friends are. You've probably lived in negativity all your life. Not understanding what is going on with your mind. You will survive and in fact thrive. I've lost 70 lbs and whenever I see someone I haven't seen in a while, comments on the loss. I just thank them and go on about my business. if it is a close friend, I explain my situation. If not, I just accept it as a complement I've worked very hard for the accomplishment.

Thank you, very wise words.


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