I got bashed at work today

[josie76]

I'm so sorry this happened to you Julia! 

That guy is a 🐖. Really the worst kind of hateful person.

You are a beautiful young lady and don't you EVER forget that! 

Your response is very natural when being attacked like that. It's also very common to feel like you should have been able to tell him off and then make yourself feel bad about not doing it. If you were a man a situation like that would lead to anger and the propensity toward a violent act, but you are a woman and you react like any other woman would when a bruit verbally abuses you. Don't feel bad. It usually takes alot of that kind of negativity before a female gets to the point of overriding the internal hurt and can muster a more aggressive response. I hope you never reach that point of hurt in your lifetime.

Your dad loves you. That is clear from many things you have said he has done. Men tend to show love by their actions not always through words. I'd say you are the light of your dad's life right now and that is why he is so protective of you.

Hugs

[LizK]

Hi everyone. I had the worst experience I've ever had since I transitioned.  This guy came in for a haircut and it was someone I know and absolutely hate! I don't usually hate anyone but this guy I totally do! His name is Dan. He was my dad's best friend. The reason my dad isn't friends with him anymore is because he always had a huge problem with me. And that was before I had transitioned.  He would say things about my albinism. Say it was a shame they couldn't fix it medically, etc. Once I got older and everyone started thinking I was gay he hated me. He would say stuff about me to my dad right in front of me. Telling him he needed to "straighten me out". He told my dad he should put me in military school. That he should go through my stuff and throw away anything that looked "gay" and to cut my hair even if he had to hold me down. He even suggested a church camp that "cures" gay people.  I guess my dad got sick of it cause they stopped being friends. So Dan walks into work. When I saw him I knew something bad was gonna happen but I wasn't expecting the stuff he said to me. If anyone else had been available to cut his hair I would have passed him to them. For like a second I thought maybe because he hadn't seen me since I transitioned maybe he wouldn't recognize me. Of course he totally did. He used my old name and said hi but he didn't say anything else until he sat in the chair. Then he had a lot to say. The first thing he told me was how stupid I look. Then he said " I can't believe Jack allowed you to do this to yourself. You are kind of pretty but you're still a man and you are always going to be a man no matter what you do to yourself. If you think surgery is going to make you a woman you're wrong.  No normal man is ever going to want to ## an inside out dick. Even though you can't take it off you're still wearing a woman costume."  Then he told me I already had been a embarrassment to my family being albino but how could I totally humiliate them by making myself a even bigger freak. I always imagined how I would respond to someone that ragged on me for being trans. But when it actually happened what did I do? I couldn't say anything.  I just started crying . When my boss noticed I was crying he rushed over to see what was wrong.  Dan said " I don't think he liked what I had to say. The truth hurts."  My boss told him to leave and that we didn't need his business so he didn't need to return. I'm also upset because instead of telling him off like I should have I just cried. I'm sure he loved it that he made me cry, and it makes me really mad that I did. I know I need to be tougher about this stuff but I was totally not expecting him to say all that. I've never had anyone verbally assault me like that. It totally caught me off guard. And now I'm wondering if I really am a embarrassment to my dad. I really hope he doesn't think I am.

He's just a dam bully...not much of a man either to treat anyone like that. Your Dad showed your how he feels by removing this "man" from his life...if he didn't love and support you he would not have done it... I hope you are feeling a bit better about things...he was cruel and mean and upset you...cry girl...its good for your soul to let that pain out....there is no shame in crying.

[AnneK]

Well, at least two people, your dad and boss, have told this jerk what they think of him.  There's no way he can't know what he did is inappropriate.

[TonyaW]

Be careful of this guy. 
All seems way too planned out.  He knew exactly what to say to get to you and way to specific with his insults.

Even if he didn't know you would be there at that time,  he knew what he would say when he saw you.

Don't worry about the way you reacted.  We all come up with  perfect response after something like this happens.  You were caught off guard. 

Hope you never have to see this guy again.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[Julia1996]

I told my dad about what Dan did. At first I wasn't going to but then I started thinking about the fact that Dan knows where I work now. I could totally picture him doing something awful to me. My dad got really upset like I knew he was going to. He's planning to go to his house after work today to talk to him. He told me some stuff about Dan. Actually it's very sad. Growing up Dan was beaten by his dad a lot to "make a man out of him". His dad beat him if he lost a fight with another boy, for not trying hard enough at football and if he cried or showed weakness. Dan has a 26 year old son and my dad said he did the same stuff to him growing up. His son won't even speak to him now.  He and his wife also had a baby last year that Dan has never seen. His son told him no when he tried and his son told him he didn't want him to be part of his grandsons life. My dad said he didn't use to just say stuff about me but Tyler also. He told my dad he needed to motivate Tyler to be better at football, blah blah. He also used to tell my dad he was going to make him soft by being affectionate with him. My dad always hugged and kissed us growing up.  Until Tyler wouldn't let him anymore when he was 12. My dad said Dan wouldn't be bothering me again after he talked to him. Then he said I shouldn't judge his friends by the way Dan acts. Since I came back from boulder I have made sure not to be around when my dads friends are over.  None of them has ever been mean to me but I just thought it would be awkward. His friends are all marines and like very masculine guys. I told my dad that's why I made myself scarce when they were there. He told me that they ask where I am. I told him I also kind of thought the only reason was because they just wanted to see what I look like now. My dad said they already know what I look like. I asked him how and he said he showed them pictures. I was surprised that my dad has pictures of me after transition  on his phone and that he showed his friends. I guess he really isn't embarrassed of me.

After hearing about Dan's sad life I guess i should feel sorry for him. But I don't.  I still hate him. I wish I was a bigger person than that but I guess I'm just not. But I do feel totally sorry for his poor son.

[KathyLauren]

Julia, I am so sorry this incident happened to you.  But one thing is clear from what you have written and that is that your dad is a winner.  He loves you and is proud of you.  I am happy that you have him in your life.

[coldHeart]

Really sorry Julia he sounds like a real big headed male knob I have a neighbor just like it but by your posts your father sounds like he loves you for who you are , don't let this ape ruin your day. Sara

[LizK]

. I asked him how and he said he showed them pictures. I was surprised that my dad has pictures of me after transition  on his phone and that he showed his friends. I guess he really isn't embarrassed of me.

After hearing about Dan's sad life I guess i should feel sorry for him. But I don't.  I still hate him. I wish I was a bigger person than that but I guess I'm just not. But I do feel totally sorry for his poor son.

Sorry you had to go through this but the flip side of the bad is so fantastic that your Dad is right there with you...he has got your back...he is sticking up for his daughter just like any decent person would do. Dan clearly has plenty of issues which he has created with all on his own . Some people are just Dumb...they keep losing relationships and continue to blame everyone else when in actual fact they are the real jerk.

[Jennifer RachaelAnn]

I would have taken my scissors and stabbed him in the throat. So be glad you aren't like me.

[elkie-t]

I would have taken my scissors and stabbed him in the throat. So be glad you aren't like me.

And go to male jail?

[Jennifer RachaelAnn]

And go to male jail?

To me; worth it. He wouldn't be talking like that anymore. If he survived.

[Cheaney]

I'm so very sorry you had to endure that Julia! What a sorry excuse for a man that guy is. Sounds like you have a proud Dad and a great Boss!

[Sarah77]

He's an utter moron..and the truth is he is acting like that hecause he really admires/fancies you and it scares him

[Dan]

Big hug Julia. 

Don't let this get you down, and I can see it doesn't. It will make you stronger.

Unfortunately, it sounds like that twit has some serious issues of his own and it does seem that he might be closeted himself and unable to identify what's wrong, which is probably coming out by hating people like you and us in general because we had the guts to be who we are.

No need to feel sad for him. He is already suffering the consequences of blaming others for not dealing with his own shyte.

I think you will be better prepared if something similar happens next time. This was a first time and that's always a shock. It's out of your system, now plan for how you would respond next time a twit like that turns up. Rehearse your responses several times so that you are ready.

Hugs.

[Denise]

The fact that he said you are "kind of pretty" tells me all I need to know.  He finds you attractive, too attractive for comfort.  He feels his heterosexuality, whatever that is, being threatened because he sees someone attractive who, in his narrow little mind, doesn't conform to the notion of people he is attracted to.  Lashing out at you in the way he did was his defense mechanism against that unsettling attraction.  His own issues will be the Hell he has to live in for the rest of his life.  That's not your problem.

I agree with Anna too.  (So many smart people here.  I love it.)

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

[SaintAlia]

People need to pause and think before they talk like that to someone holding a pair of scissors by their head.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It doesn't change the pain of the moment, but he is wrong in every way. And vile; a useless shell of a human being who doesn't deserve to have his hair cut by someone as lovely as you.

[Daisy Jane]

Awww! Your dad sounds like a wonderful man! More men should learn from his example. <3

[HannahHindle]

First off, don't beat yourself up for crying. If you need to cry, you need to cry. Trust me, I've found severe complications from beating myself up for these quick, natural emotions. It is good to be tough about this stuff but crying in the moment does not make you weak. He probably would have gotten just as much of a kick out of seeing you angry. You can't really win an argument with these people. It reminds me of a quote. "Don't argue with an idiot because they will just bring you down to their level and beat you from experience."

He is a sad, bitter man. Your best way of showing that ******* what for is by living your life and living it well. Your dad clearly loves you and it sounds to me that he does not see you as an embarrassment. x

[seth.james]

He told me some stuff about Dan. Actually it's very sad. Growing up Dan was beaten by his dad a lot to "make a man out of him". His dad beat him if he lost a fight with another boy, for not trying hard enough at football and if he cried or showed weakness. Dan has a 26 year old son and my dad said he did the same stuff to him growing up. His son won't even speak to him now.  He and his wife also had a baby last year that Dan has never seen. His son told him no when he tried and his son told him he didn't want him to be part of his grandsons life.

After hearing about Dan's sad life I guess i should feel sorry for him. But I don't.  I still hate him. I wish I was a bigger person than that but I guess I'm just not. But I do feel totally sorry for his poor son.

That is all quite sad. I wish no one had to go through those things growing up. It's especially sad to see it being passed through the generations like that when it was so obviously wrong to begin with. It's pretty clear Dan has never dealt with these things and is taking them out on others. The fact that he said you were pretty, then turned around and bashed you really does say he's nowhere near as confident in his masculinity or sexuality as he's pretending to be. He's freaked out by his own feelings and being a complete jerk about it. I can have compassion for him as a young kid getting beat up for losing fights and crying, but not as an adult who's continuing that cycle and causing others pain because of his own issues.

I'm really sorry you had to go through that Julia. I'm really glad you did decide to talk to your dad about it. He sounds like he's very supportive and proud of you, and I'm happy to hear you have that support in your life. Sounds like this conversation you had helped you see more of that as well. Your boss sounds pretty amazing as well. And don't beat yourself up for crying. It's a totally natural response to that kind of behavior, and it sounds like you handled everything as best you could in the moment. You should take pride in that.

[EvelynD]

I'd just read your first post and the reactions to it and I was about to reply but I spotted the second page and your follow up post, I was about to say how your dad is clearly not anything like this knuckle dragger Dan, and definitely isn't ashamed of you, but it looks like that was cleared up when you spoke to your dad, superb 
I was really angered by your first post, i know of that sort of people, they make me sick, their bitterness stems from jealousy and regret, im very sorry you had to encounter one of them, hopefully the last, you're beautiful and sound like a really nice person, karma will sort of this idiot out, looks like it already has with his family rejecting him, he hasn't learned from that and treats people the same way! He deserves no sympathy.

Sending virtual hugs, you're awesome.