love from the girls, hate from the boys

[MissKairi]

So Ive outed myself on an online game site I have been a member of for around ten years.

I have recieved a hell of a lot of comments.
heres the facts

90% of those who commented are female.
of that 90% almost all are positive and kind.
10% are male and all were abusive and aggressive.

Getting the usual 'gay' and 'attention seeking gay' comments.

Is this what Ive got to look forward to offline? :/

[Tammy Jade]

Not in my experience.

I have found 98% of people are great regardless of gender.

Online there are a lot of keyboard warriors who just like to bitch because it makes them feel better about there own lives


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[GrayKat]

Trolls will be trolls, they are cowards who would never make these comments to your face. Worthless people wasting good carbon and water that can be put to better use.

[Kylo]

Is this what Ive got to look forward to offline? :/

90% positive comments is a good response.

There will always be those in real life who have something to say and can't help saying it. But no, I don't think how people behave IRL and online are going to be the same, face to face compared to a computer screen. You also have to remember that thing about sticks and stones and how words are not the same. Not everyone will always approve and you just have to live your life regardless.

[Dani]

Somehow, the boys feel threatened. For an online game, who cares what your gender is? The boys are insecure and need to emotionally mature a bit more. Much more, in my opinion. 

[Tommi]

In the last 10 years, how misogynistic/bigoted have those same people been, in general?

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

[SailorMars1994]

Odd that is happening and truly sad. In my experience i havent found too much hate at all from males. I find that most have a live and let live attitude and genuinly dont care if you transition, and near all go out and try hard to correct their use of pronouns to make sure i get called female. Sorry you are having such a rough trip

[KathyLauren]

The women here are totally accepting, at least to my face.  The men are polite but don't really want anything to do with me.  I suspect there may be some who would like to tell me a thing or two but are afraid of what their wives will say if they do.  I'll take it. 

[Vincent Johnson]

Maybe it's because you're female and I'm male, but it has been the opposite for me. I have had more bad experiences with females then I have with males. I wouldn't worry too much about it though. It is on an online game and a lot of people say things on games that they wouldn't say in real life. That is not to say that you're experience offline will be trouble free, but it would be likely that those men wouldn't really say anything like that in real life face-to-face. More than likely, they would just ignore you. If you feel that you could be in danger of possibly being physically harmed, always have someone with you when you go out somewhere, a family member, a friend, coworker, whatever. After nearly getting the life beat out of me, I have always had a sibling or a friend go with me to places.

[Natalia]

The few male friends that I had pre-transition are just not my friends anymore. When I told them I was trans a few years ago they told me: "hey, that's alright! We are here if you need us!".

Then they never talked to me again.

Even my neighboor, who grew up with me... is not my friend anymore. We avoid each other as if we were mortal enemies.

It seens the boys really don't want anything to do with me.

I can't say anything about the girls... I have never had too many friends... just one was a girl and I have chosen not to tell her. Instead I got away... I disappeared.

My new few friends, all girls, don't know I am trans... and I don't want to tell them. I fear they will go away if I tell them...

[SadieBlake]

Consider the audience, I don't follow gaming but gamergate made it pretty clear that segment of the population has a lot of misogyny, as such id expect even more transphobia.

My one experience with that demographic came years ago when I worked on an open source software project. One of the developers figured out I wasn't cisgender female and I happened into a related irc channel to find him bashing me behind my back.

Ironically, tomorrow I'll be meeting with the only guy on that team who was local and happened to be gay. I haven't seen him in many years but he was accepting and we spent time irl. It turns out he's an admin at the uni where I work and is going to execute my official email and kerberos principal name to Sadie.

[coldHeart]

I have come out to a few people I know & it has been the same for me, the girls are welcoming wanting to know stuff like how you plan to o your hair nails new name that sort of thing where my male mates have dropped me like a stone so I wouldn't put to much into it, I think its just a universally thing & no doubt a lot of gamers are young man who still have a lotvof growing up to do, let it go over the tip of your head. Sara

[Niki Knight]

Well i don't do gaming anymore but wouldn't put a whole lot of stock into whats said online. Most individuals are very immature and will always pick on someone for something no matter what.

I have found things to be a bit different and am very fortunate to have the friends I do. All my male friends have supported me unconditionally from the start. I see all of them at least once a week and they have all tried and are still working on getting pronouns right etc. The only comment most of my friends make is. I don't care what you look like just don't change the personality we all have come to know.

As for girlfriends I get called to go shopping and go out for coffee fairly often. I even get asked to do their make up for special occasions.

I am sorry to hear that your are getting some ->-bleeped-<-ty comments but Im afraid thats the online world for you and a fact of life Im afraid.

Just let it roll off your shoulders and carry on Hon. I think you will find in the offline world things will be different for you. I know it worked out well for me and heres hoping it works out well for you. Have courage and be strong.

Huggs Niki Marie

[EvelynD]

When guys have the shield of anonymity that the internet gives they tend to be drawn to their more "basic" personality, they become childish and aggressive, pack mentality takes over and its all a big show.
Women on the other hand are used to anonymity, thanks to thousands of years of patriarchal soceity so they don't have to put on a show, its time the world noticed and put women in charge

Off line the same guys will shrink back to silence as they aren't hiding behind their made up persona anymore, hell, some might even be nice guys, but in my experience the women will be just as caring, generous and empathic as they are on line, there may be exceptions but i think the internet and especially the gaming comunity will give a very distorted and inaccurate view of real life.
Stay positive 

[MissKairi]

Off line the same guys will shrink back to silence as they aren't hiding behind their made up persona anymore, hell, some might even be nice guys, but in my experience the women will be just as caring, generous and empathic as they are on line

A million, billion points for using empathic

[KageNiko]

Is this what Ive got to look forward to offline? :/

I can't say definitively, but when I outed myself irl I received mostly positive comments from women, and only a few guys talk to me about it afterwards. This was after I gave a speech on it in front of a nearly 200 person room where I ended it by revealing my true self in hopes of starting a conversation afterwards. It was a military audience, so 90+% were male.
But that's just my unique experience, take from it what you will!

[SadieBlake]

Is this what Ive got to look forward to offline? :/

I'm gonna extend my thoughts about gamers, within the fields of engineering computer science has been and still is the last area to see women entering the workforce. I think the uncivil behaviors that go along with misogyny are all exacerbated among people who principally communicate online.

I worked in engineering for nearly 10 years before I encountered a single female engineer and the only women I had known in industry at that point were chemists.

That's changed markedly and here's the thing about women who are pioneers in male dominated fields: Most of them have excelled impressively and most of them show huge empathy for others traversing the path.

Also in the real world, geography can play a huge role. I rode by motorcycle across San Francisco dressed in very sexy albeit not passing drag in 2000 and was met with smiles and waves the entire way.

By comparison even today in Cambridge MA I've now spent less than 3 hours out in public wearing a skirt and ive already been hassled once (a car full of bros that was clearly coming from Boston, which is less accepting than Cambridge people).

I simply can't imagine not passing and living in a red state or even some of the more conservative areas of new England. Basic safety is a reason lgbtQ people tend to flock to liberal urban environments.