Terrified w/prospect of going to therapist as Sarah

[Sarah.VanDistel]

So I recently had my first therapy session and it went really well. Along 2 hours I had the opportunity to tell most of what's been going on with me over the last four decades.

Now, I feel a new and incredible urge to go to the sessions as Sarah, instead of the androgynous male-version of me. I would still ask the therapist if she's okay with that (before you say that I'm entitled to that and don't have to ask permission, let me just say that it's in my nature... I don't like to impose... but that's not what worries me).

What I am terrified at, is going to the session dressed as Sarah (it would be the first time I go out as a woman in broad daylight) and looking simply like a guy in women's clothes. Below is a photo taken today with light make-up. Do you girls think that I'm still very far away from... well... I won't dare to say "passing" but at least not drawing too much attention?

Or do you think that it would be better to wait for some more effects of HRT (started almost 5 months ago) and eventually FFS, which I plan to do sometime along the first months of 2018?

Thanks beforehand for your honest feedback.

Peace & Hugs, Sarah

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[elkie-t]

You definitely look good. Maybe you could wrap your headscarf a little lower, but you look good


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Laurie]

Sarah,

  You are ready to go to your session when you feel you are. It is not in how you look on the outside but how you feel on the inside. That is what your therapist is concerned about. If you go as Sarah your therapist will take that as further confirmation of who you are inside.
  As for how you look Sarah, you look good enough to go out as Sarah. You look a far sight better than I do and I have been running around in public from one side of the USA to the other and at present halfway back again. Getting out and doing it is what will get you more comfortable with being who you are in public more than how you think you look will. Go for it, your looks will only improve as your confidence does. You feel you are a woman inside, then be one outside girl.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

[Sarah_P]

I think you look good, too! I'm not on HRT yet (apt on the 18th!!!!), but I went to my last therapist session as Sarah, and will be again on Monday. I just showed up that way with no warning, & she was happy for me!
I say go for it!

[rorgg]

A very reasonable question, and something I've mentally bandied about.  IMHO, there'd be nothing remarkable about your appearance, you pass just fine to a casual observer.  Make me put on my jellies. 

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Thanks Elkie and Laurie. Your words mean a lot to me. Laurie, you gave me an idea... I live not too far away from the river Schelde (Belgium) and there's a really nice promenade along the river, not too busy... Maybe I'll go there just to get a taste of how it feels to be in nature as I was meant to be. There are people walking and cycling, but it certainly not crowded. Hummm... Good idea. 😊
Hugs, Sarah

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[KathyLauren]

Sarah, if you feel the urge to go to the next session as yourself, then you should do it.  Don't worry about how you look.  Your face has some quite feminine features: beautiful cheekbones, for example.  You will not attract undesirable attention.

Your therapist will be happy to see you dressed as yourself.

Going out alone the river promenade is an excellent idea to get used to the feeling!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

I think you look good, too! I'm not on HRT yet (apt on the 18th!!!!), but I went to my last therapist session as Sarah, and will be again on Monday. I just showed up that way with no warning, & she was happy for me!
I say go for it!

Hummm... You're really this close to convince me to go to the next session as Sarah. [emoji6] For more than 40 years I was taught to feel nothing but shame about this... so it's difficult, from one moment to the other, to just drink all that freedom! But it is sooooooo tempting. My next session is next Tuesday... Will I dare? I'll keep you posted! [emoji12]

Hugs, Sarah

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[AnonyMs]

You could always dress in male clothes and get changed there, or wear a layer of male clothing on top.

[elkie-t]

I think you've already crossed the line with an androgynous look. Were you scared to start dressing androgynously? Did you fears materialized?
I'd say take a day and spend it as Sarah. If you aren't comfortable - go a little away from your home, so that you don't bump into your neighbors (but not too far to get lost).
The more you're out, the easier it goes. First time it is exciting and scary, 100th time it's business as usual. Your therapist is a safe choice to be your first time, but that river walk might be a better place to be your 1st


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sarah.VanDistel]

You could always dress in male clothes and get changed there, or wear a layer of male clothing on top.

I see your point, AnonyMs, but... It would have been an idea but it would only make the matter even clumsier... Naaa... If I go, I think I'll step outside home already dressed as a full-fledged Sarah. Inside my head I hear voices saying: "You, girl, are totally nuts... but you should do it!" [emoji23]

N.B. No, I don't really hear voices... lol

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[davina61]

Why not (hearing voices) its good to talk to some one sensible.

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Why not (hearing voices) its good to talk to some one sensible.

Good point! lol [emoji23]

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[Julia1996]

Hi Sarah. I think you look very passable. You remind me of Pamela Rabe.

[Balerie]

Sarah you look very beautiful and with feminine features like your cheekbones you shouldn't have any problems. I've been to my therapist twice as Balerie and the rest of the time in male mode. Those two times, my therapist saw me way more relaxed, happy, and content because I was being myself. Your therapist won't have any issues as it is a true representation of who you are.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JillianC]

You definitely look good. Maybe you could wrap your headscarf a little lower, but you look good


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree 100%.   

[Lady Sarah]

Sarah, the hardest part will be in letting go of your old self, and allowing your new self to shine. In time, you may be afraid to go out as anything other than a woman. You won't know how natural it will feel until you do it. 

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Thanks for your very encouraging replies, girls! I'm convinced! I'll do it! Next tuesday I'll be headed to my appointments (therapist and endocrinologist) as Sarah!

I never have step foot outside as Sarah, you know... Well, only once, at night, with my wife and nobody could see me, so it doesn't really count.

So with no further ado, yesterday (unfortunately almost at dusk) I went for a little car ride to downtown, as Sarah... Yeah, I still was encased in a shell (car) but some people saw me quite closely and just kept going with their lives. Felt good... See evidence, below (coming back home). That smile says an awful lot, let me tell you... [emoji6]

Today, as previously said, I'll be walking along a promenade by the river Schelde (I live in Belgium, but that place I'm thinking to visit is in Holland, about 30 minutes from home). Oh my... I can already feel the adrenaline rush! [emoji4]

And finally the "D" day (D from Dinsdag, Tuesday in Dutch)... The appointments. I can't help but doing it. It's instinctive, really. Wow...

I promess to keep you posted. This is such a big deal in my life. A milestone.

Oh! In case you wonder, lately, my "androgynous male-mode" has been something along the lines of the photo where I'm wearing the flat cap... i look like some naughty girlish boy. I regularly notice some people giving me second looks at the mall (mostly old men)... Weird... I guess they think "Ah... Our world is lost..." lol

Big, enormous, gigantic warm hugs to you all!

Sarah

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
Edited: girlish boy pic was way too big... sorry!

[natalie.ashlyne]

I think you look feminine you look good

[gv2002]

You look great! I know you feel the man in you but like me just be the best woman you can be! 90 percent of people don't look and don't care! Just put love of self along with the best makeup you can do! Keep you eye on what and where you have to go. Life is great! Enjoy it! I'm 61 with full A cup! I want C's. I'm full time in woman's jeans tight tops. I'm about enjoying my time!
Keep you self in shape! Don't treat your body like a rusty dump truck!
Live life, be the best you can! We are lucky to live in this time. Not 40 years ago!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk