Terrified w/prospect of going to therapist as Sarah

[sarah1972]

Nordstrom Rack has female shoes up to size 13. The other thing I like is that they just have the sizes on the shelf and you can pick and try without having to bug someone. They are between 40% and 60% off their usual retail. It may take a few times going there to find what you want.
It is still more expensive than Payless (who at least has up to size 12), but the quality is usually a bit better. Also found a few tops for $12 each.

Macey's clearance corner is usually another place I look.

Having to replace my entire wardrobe is just not cheap, so I need to go for a little bit at a time and use clearance sales wherever I can...

A lot of the girl stuff I bought early on is either not fitting or just not a style a women my age would wear (yeah, I call it my slutty phase).

You can look online what is available at that particular store (which is quite accurate - and helpful to decide if you want to drive 30 miles) as well as order online to the store, or order online and return to the store if you don't like it. I'd recommend buying 2 pairs of shoes to use their discounts for second pair. Good luck with finding the money to do shopping.

[elkie-t]

Payless has up to size 13, and each store would have a few models in that size on shelves. How do I know? I just would go there and try it on, or find a store online having the style I liked available and go there and try it on. Usually I'd buy that item and something else (because second is usually half off). Discard 3-6 months later, buy something new.

I personally prefer Payless to Nordstrom Rack (I had no luck finding size 13 shoes in my NR).



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[Sarah_P]

A lot of the girl stuff I bought early on is either not fitting or just not a style a women my age would wear (yeah, I call it my slutty phase).

lol, me too!   

[Sarah.VanDistel]

lol, me too!   

Sheesh... And I thought I was the only one! Is this some sort of Sarah thing?! [emoji23]

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[SadieBlake]

A lot of the girl stuff I bought early on is either not fitting or just not a style a women my age would wear (yeah, I call it my slutty phase).

Sheesh... And I thought I was the only one! Is this some sort of Sarah thing?! [emoji23]

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Nope, Sadies do it also; this Sadie continues to wear that stuff albeit at slutty-appropriate venues :-)

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Nope, Sadies do it also; this Sadie continues to wear that stuff albeit at slutty-appropriate venues :-)

Interesting... One thing I noticed is that from the moment I decided to transition and began HRT I totally abandoned that stuff. I think it is because it worked as an intenser dysphoria suppressor... I was a fan of sheer tights and since then I think I have used thights perhaps one single time, on a cold day. It's so interesting to analyse the workings of our mind, isn't it? [emoji4]

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[davina61]

Bought a jacket but way to young for me, maroon suede effect but was a tenner in the sales. Will always be younger than my numerical age.

[elkie-t]

Interesting... One thing I noticed is that from the moment I decided to transition and began HRT I totally abandoned that stuff. I think it is because it worked as an intenser dysphoria suppressor... I was a fan of sheer tights and since then I think I have used thights perhaps one single time, on a cold day. It's so interesting to analyse the workings of our mind, isn't it? [emoji4]

When you dress occasionally, it's exciting and you want to dress more provocatively, well because it's a big occasion for you. But once you do it every day, you really just look for comfort and style, and it's no longer a big event by itself.

[Sarah_P]

Interesting... One thing I noticed is that from the moment I decided to transition and began HRT I totally abandoned that stuff. I think it is because it worked as an intenser dysphoria suppressor... I was a fan of sheer tights and since then I think I have used thights perhaps one single time, on a cold day. It's so interesting to analyse the workings of our mind, isn't it? [emoji4]

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I was a huge fan of thigh-high stockings before starting to transition. I haven't touched them in months! I have worn pantyhose a couple times, but only because I was feeling self conscious about some blemishes on my legs & they helped hide them when I was wearing a skirt out. 

When you dress occasionally, it's exciting and you want to dress more provocatively, well because it's a big occasion for you. But once you do it every day, you really just look for comfort and style, and it's no longer a big event by itself.

I think that's it exactly!

[Michelle_P]

Funny observation...

I actually wear pantyhose and thigh-high hose more often now.  First, it's warm weather and I prefer skirts with this weather to the usual skinny jeans, nicer in winter, or the good looking trousers I wear in my business attire.

Second, I'm 63, and have poor circulation in the lower legs, and compensate with compression socks and stockings.  With a skirt, that pretty much means compression hose, which comes as knee-highs, thigh-highs, and pantyhose.  Most of my shirts are not quite long enough for knee-highs. 

So, I can justify wearing this stuff.   

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Funny observation...

I actually wear pantyhose and thigh-high hose more often now.  First, it's warm weather and I prefer skirts with this weather to the usual skinny jeans, nicer in winter, or the good looking trousers I wear in my business attire.

Second, I'm 63, and have poor circulation in the lower legs, and compensate with compression socks and stockings.  With a skirt, that pretty much means compression hose, which comes as knee-highs, thigh-highs, and pantyhose.  Most of my shirts are not quite long enough for knee-highs. 

So, I can justify wearing this stuff.   

Aha, Michelle! But you do have practical reasons to do it! [emoji4] However, when I whore those intimates, before even dreaming of transitioning, I did it for the thrill, out of plain kinkiness. [emoji39] Indeed, for a long time (decades) I did it without being aware why I did it... it just felt super good and not just in an erotic kind of way. Nowadays, I realize that this was my way of relieving the peaks of dysphoria... The big difference, now, is that the largest chunk of that dysphoria is gone and I wear women's attiré pretty much every day, so as Elkie pointed out, I'm now used to it and find it natural... Almost no more urges to sooth the dysphoria (when they do happen, I just have some fun with makeup for a while and I quickly calm down [emoji10]).

As for the practicality of it, I still find plain sheer black pantyhose beautiful and elegant (in proper context and combination, of course) but they are scarcely used by women here in Belgium, except in combination with a business attiré (and even then, not that often) of for special occasions (weddings, etc.). I do find them comfortable as well. Next winter will be my first winter in transition; I'll probably be using warm thights underneath my trousers quite often, but for now I don't really have any significant practical experience. Compression stockings sound good, especially at work, because I spend a signicant part of my time standing and sometimes, around the end of the shift, my calves feel tired, even if l don't have signs of significant venous insufficiency (yet!). I'll probably try a pair when it gets cooler.

Thanks for dropping by! [emoji4]

Hugs, Sarah

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[Laurie]

Wow Sarah,

  I just caught up with your thread. (sorry was kinda preoccupied with myself) All I can say girl is you and on the move. You grabbed that public appearance demon and banished it. No longer do I see a scared worried shy little girl, instead there is a vibrant woman who cannot wait to be seen in the world.
  Not only that but now you are coming out to your boss and we can see what that is going to lead to.. It's great to see that you do not have the struggle I've had to accept myself. Just keep on going Sarah you are on the right track and steaming on to your new life.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Wow Sarah,

  I just caught up with your thread. (sorry was kinda preoccupied with myself) All I can say girl is you and on the move. You grabbed that public appearance demon and banished it. No longer do I see a scared worried shy little girl, instead there is a vibrant woman who cannot wait to be seen in the world.
  Not only that but now you are coming out to your boss and we can see what that is going to lead to.. It's great to see that you do not have the struggle I've had to accept myself. Just keep on going Sarah you are on the right track and steaming on to your new life.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

Wow Laurie! Thanks for that, girl! Really sweet and encouraging words! [emoji5]

Don't worry with keeping up with the thread! It will stay here for you to read... I myself have been very much self-absorbed in this fantastic New World that Sarah has just discovered, so I must confess that I haven't paid much attention to anyone else!  As you may guess, in due time, it won't be such a novelty anymore and hopefully I'll become a bit less egocentric... [emoji130]

It has been a real roller coaster... Gosh... One year ago I would have never imagined, not even in my most extreme and wildest dreams, that today I'd be going outside as a gal named Sarah! [emoji23] It's so exciting, but at the same time so soothing... I should probably have done it before, but I try not to think like that too much because I don't own a time machine [emoji848] and also because I feel that some changes require a certain maturity and a step-back in order to have a good look at the big picture. I'm happy with what is happening and am aware that what is happening is a function of what happened before... And the moment I figured this out, I came to terms with myself. This, Laurie, was for me the big game changer: self-acceptance. No more internal struggles... "No, you're not a girl, you're a guy! You should be ashamed! Shame! Shame! Shame!" Well, not anymore. I sent that voice to hell and I definitely don't want to hear it again!

Big warm and thankfuk hug!
Sarah

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[SadieBlake]

Having only dressed in public infrequently (like a handful of times in 20 years and not counting bdsm parties as public), I've said I was surprised at my new motivation post-op. And to be clear, before, it was always kinky, like I still own a short tartan skirt but I wouldn't wear that out in normal public anymore.

Special occasion dressing is different, still I enjoy feeling sexy in my new femme attire (as sexy as a 61 yo woman with a beard can be anyhow) and I think it's part of why I'm having sexual thoughts during the day (that never happened before GCS). And we're not talking anything revealing here, knee length black skirt and a t-shirt, hair nearly always back in a ponytail.

However I'm also dressing femme because I think it's important - especially in these days of political idiotic and religious right backlash - to be visible, be out, be seen.

Hugs Sarah, I'm glad you're happy presenting femme, whatever the reason.

[sarah1972]

And I thought this is only me.. Being slutty pretty much stopped the day I took the first pill of E. Now my goal is to blend in with all the other soccer moms in my neighborhood. I pretty much see it as overcompensating for the missing hormones. I still enjoy to look good and sexy, but more in a classy way.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with the collection of thigh high boots (mostly of the kinky kind)...

I know pantyhose will be back in the winter, I still enjoy the feeling of it.

Interesting... One thing I noticed is that from the moment I decided to transition and began HRT I totally abandoned that stuff. I think it is because it worked as an intenser dysphoria suppressor... I was a fan of sheer tights and since then I think I have used thights perhaps one single time, on a cold day. It's so interesting to analyse the workings of our mind, isn't it? [emoji4]

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[elkie-t]

As soon as you start having E in your body, you get validation of your femself from body development every day and don't need to overcompensate it with clothes

And as an old joke goes, tourism and immigration are two different things. As a tourist you notice and like different things (and have different objectives) than as an immigrant


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[Sarah.VanDistel]

UPDATE:

So it's official... I'll be meeting my boss for my "little" revelation next Wednesday (02/08) at around 10:00. [rumble of a drum...] It'll be five of the longest days in my recent life! [emoji352][emoji4]

Myriads of hugs for this fantastic support group! [emoji134]

Sarah

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

And as an old joke goes, tourism and immigration are two different things. As a tourist you notice and like different things (and have different objectives) than as an immigrant

Interesting analogy, Elkie! I guess I just immigrated to Womenland, then... Pretty soon, I expect to be granted full citizenship! [emoji6]

[elkie-t]

My native language isn't American, and we like to have little jokes (anecdotes or short stories) applicable to different situations. Sometimes I try to translate them

This analogy came from this story. Once an average guy died and his soul went to St Paul for judgement and he was so average that St Paul couldn't decide whether to admit him to the paradise or send him to hell. So he let the guy to take a little trip to both places and decide for himself.

So the guy went to paradise and found everybody singing all days and found it boring. He went to hell and found people playing cards, drinking wine and enjoying plenty of sex. He chose the hell only to be send to the fire pit for torture. When he complained that this wasn't fair, the main guy told him - dude, don't think immigration and tourism are the same thing.

Something like that, the final words might be translated into a catchier phrase, but the meaning is the same.

Good journey, Sarah yours is indeed similar to an immigration.


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[Sarah.VanDistel]

This analogy came from this story. Once an average guy died and his soul went to St Paul for judgement and he was so average that St Paul couldn't decide whether to admit him to the paradise or send him to hell. So he let the guy to take a little trip to both places and decide for himself.

So the guy went to paradise and found everybody singing all days and found it boring. He went to hell and found people playing cards, drinking wine and enjoying plenty of sex. He chose the hell only to be send to the fire pit for torture. When he complained that this wasn't fair, the main guy told him - dude, don't think immigration and tourism are the same thing.

I'm sure hoping that there will be something better than a fire pit waiting for me! [emoji23]

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