Terrified w/prospect of going to therapist as Sarah

[Sarah.VanDistel]

I am gone for a week and all this happened?

Congratulations S V D! So many steps in such a short time (and we all knew it would happen this way!!!

Hi Sarah!

It's been quite a few days, hum? I missed you! [emoji134] And indeed, while you were away, I didn't sleep... lol

So just to keep you posted on more developments, I did go to the BBQ as Sarah and everything went superfine, nobody misgendered me. What I did find weird is the little kisses on the cheeks to men... definitely not my thing, but well... [emoji39]

Yesterday I went to Brussels, to a couple of "feminization workshops" organized by a French-speaking trans* organization (Genres Pluriels), about general demeanour (walking, sitting, standing in feminine ways...) and fashion according to body shape. It was my first time there and people were surprised at my progress in such a short timespan. Anyways, we practiced walking, both with flat shoes and heels... lol It was the first time I got to interact with other transwomen. We had lunch together at a Vietnamese restaurant nearby (it's in a neighborhood which is "ground zero" for the LGBT-movement, so very trans*-friendly). It was really fun and I look very much forward to go to the next workshops - they happen once a month and the next one will be about handcare (including nail polish!)

In the meanwhile, as I said in a previous post, I came out to my broadest family, starting with my cousins. So far, I wasn't able to reach all of them, but the ones I reach were totally supportive and I had a very big surprise... one of my cousins is dad of a young FtM (lets call him Seth)! Apparently, it still is a big secret, even inside the family, because Seth is not yet 18 (though almost). Seth told me that I just graduated to coolest family member and that I made his YEAR! [emoji2] I couldn't believe it myself! I mean... The odds were pretty slim, no? So a distant cousin just became one of my good friends, supporters and fan! So happy![emoji4]

Tomorrow is my next appointment with my therapist. It's been a while (because of the vacations and of my recent hair transplantation, I wasn't "presentable" for almost one week) so I'll have a lot to tell her... everything since my coming out to my boss! Not sure if one session will be enough... [emoji848] I also plan on asking her for the letter which will be necessary to have my name changed (I hope to get the letter from my endo at the end of the month). At this moment I'm already living as Sarah pretty much 80% of the time, which makes me really happy and relieved! But it also makes me want to officialize it, which includes officially updating my name... So (this is for you, Laurie!)... change of plans: I will not wait until my FFS! [emoji4]

Big hug,

Sarah Van Distel

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[Laurie]

... So (this is for you, Laurie!)... change of plans: I will not wait until my FFS! [emoji4]

Big hug,

Sarah Van Distel

    Plans... I HATES Them!  You are just zooming along Sarah and doing wonderfully at it. Seth sounds like a really cool kid.

laurie

[elkie-t]

Hi Sarah, your change of plans makes a lot of sense. FFS would make you more beautiful, yet you're already taking female social role... Hence, change of government documents would make your life a tad less awkward at moments


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[Sarah_P]

I just can't keep up with you Sarah! 
Congrats on your new family friend! I hope the name change process goes smoothly for you. Mine's likely to be a bit difficult (thus why I'm looking into hiring a lawyer to help me with it).
I still see my therapist every month. She really helps me get everything in my mind clear, and I always feel lighter after our sessions. It made me sad to hear that most of her trans clients disappear after getting their HRT letters. 

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Sarah, your change of plans makes a lot of sense. FFS would make you more beautiful, yet you're already taking female social role... Hence, change of government documents would make your life a tad less awkward at moments


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Hi Elkie! [emoji847]

It's exactly because of these awkward situations. Main example is the fact that for legal reasons I have to identify myself with my real name before my patients (). It's too weird... One moment a nurse calls me Sarah (out of the sight of patients), next minute a patient calls me Sir... Grrrrrr... [emoji51] I know it's not their fault, poor things... So I have to change my name ASAP. It's not just something I fancy. It has become a vital necessity and I'm not waiting 6 more months. I was actually considering writing to my endo asking for his letter sooner, instead of waiting for the end of the month... ☺

Warm hugs, Sarah

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

I just can't keep up with you Sarah! 
Congrats on your new family friend! I hope the name change process goes smoothly for you. Mine's likely to be a bit difficult (thus why I'm looking into hiring a lawyer to help me with it).
I still see my therapist every month. She really helps me get everything in my mind clear, and I always feel lighter after our sessions. It made me sad to hear that most of her trans clients disappear after getting their HRT letters. 

Oh Sarah! We are all living such a very special moment of our lives... I mean, this metamorphosis... It's magical, really.

About the name change, I also hope that it won't be too complicated. I will have to take care of it at distance because my birth certificate is in Portugal and I live in Belgium. Although the rules are clear, their implementation is not always straightforward. My plan (yeah... plans... lol) is as soon as I have the letters I'll send an authenticated official translation of them to the public registry in Portugal. If I feel that things are taking too long, I can afford to make a couple of same-day return trips to Portugal (it's really cheap during the low season). I'd really love to already be officially Sarah before entering 2018... We'll see... [emoji849]

My sessions with my therapist are very important to me and I can't figure myself leaving in the foreseable future. She helps me explore certain venues in my mind, gives me much confidence and the simple fact that she listens to me is enough. To my therapist, I didn't even ask for the HRT letter. As she felt that I was ready, she offered to send it directly to my endo, which I gladly accepted! [emoji4]

Big warm hug [emoji847]

Sarah Van Distel

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

    Plans... I HATES Them!  You are just zooming along Sarah and doing wonderfully at it. Seth sounds like a really cool kid.

laurie

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] I knew you'd write something along those lines! By now you've probably noticed that plans, for me, are important for providing a framework in time, but I am VERY flexible and adaptive. For example, FFS can unfortunately NOT happen before end of February because of my work schedule...

Seth is indeed a really great kid! I'll do my best to support him! [emoji4]

Hugs, Sarah

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[sarah1972]

Thanks for catching me up on all that happened... so amazing! Once you let Sarah out of the closet there is no pushing her back :-) I was all exhausted after three weeks of all my coming outs...

What a surprise you learned about another family member, glad you found a new best friend! I got a similar surprise when coming out the my parents: apparently one of my grandfathers was cross dressing!

Hope your name change goes easy!

Keep storming on girl!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Thanks for catching me up on all that happened... so amazing! Once you let Sarah out of the closet there is no pushing her back :-) I was all exhausted after three weeks of all my coming outs...

Yeah, right!? After all the coming outs, I myself feel stunned but nonetheless still super excited![emoji28]

Today I went to my appointment with my therapist and it was a very interesting and productive session. Besides telling her about the million exciting news that happened since the last time, we also discussed the deep reasons for still feeling insecure at times... I reached some very interesting insights that hopefully will help me adjust a bit more my mindset.

And she did agree to write the letter for asking for my name change! So I should receive it by mail in the upcoming days... Now I have to ask my endo for the same. [emoji4]

Warm hugs and thanks for all your support! [emoji134]

Sarah Van Distel

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

Little update: My first male fail?

So yesterday I was at work, where the overwhelming majority of my patients call me simply "Doctor". After taking the clinical history of one patient I was about to leave the box, when he called me (in Dutch): "Ma'am... How long will it take for the lab results?" I was so so so so happy! [emoji7] And oh my smile! I was just wearing a bit of contour cream to hide the gray areas and some blush on my lips because at work it's just not practical to use full fledged makeup. So, for me at least, this is the closest I've ever been to male fail. And I know that if it happened once, it'll happen twice, thrice... And now, except for the official situations (for example when I write a prescription for a patient), I living full time... A couple of months ago I never thought this would be possible... Wow! So exciting!

Now, my top priorities: get rid of the remaining beard, change name, feminize voice, get FFS & BA! [emoji28]

Hugs, Sarah

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[Sarah_P]

That's great Sarah! Congratulations!

[Laurie]

Hi Sarah,

Congrats on the fail. My gosh girl, it wasn't that long ago you started this thread worrying about whether you should go to your therapy session dressed. Since then it been balls (ooops sorry) to the wall, full speed ahead.

What was that blur that just sped by? Oh, that's just Sarah on her way to herself.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Sarah.VanDistel]

MINOR UPDATE

Still alive and doing relatively well... I am a bit in the doldrums of transition, I guess. No major change is going to happen in the immediate future, but still busy becoming who I really am. HRT keeps beautifully doing its thing... Busy with laser and electrolysis... You girls know the drill...

I've been now living full-time, except for some very short intervals when I have to interact with my patients (for example, for legal reasons, I can't sign a prescription as Sarah). Passing doesn't bother me so much anymore - I mean, it DOES bother me but I learned to just ignore that unavoidable aspect of transition. I read someplace that "Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end." I guess I am in the messy phase and sometimes it's fantastic, but at other times it sucks because I wish my FFS & BA were tomorrow (whoaaa...the gorgeous phase!!!). Well, patience... Only 5 months to go.

Anyways, by the end of this month I'll be sending my paperwork to have my name and sex changed in the civil registry. Hopefully, in a few weeks time I'll be able to go REALLY 100% full time! What a relief it will be...

I had my first consultation at Ghent University Hospital, after an almost 9-month wait (some of you may remember my despair when I learned about that delay, back in February) but it went well and after hearing my account the doctor confirmed that my diagnosis is unquestionable (surprise, surprise...  ). The psychiatrist also scheduled my first appointment with the team which does SRS - it will be in March 2018 (the appointment, not the SRS!).

Today it's therapy day, but also my first appointment with the plastic surgeon who will be doing my BA and tummy tuck; we will also discuss hip augmentation (he can perform both fat transfer and artificial implants).

I'll keep you posted!

Kisses & Hugs to all of you!

Sarah

[SadieBlake]

Such good news and progress, I believe frustrating, glad for it in the long run anyhow

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Ok girls... I guess I made this my personal thread... lol... I'll keep on writing, even if not read, because I feel it to be like a kind of a journal.

Today, after my second consultation in Antwerp, began the countdown... 147 days from today, on the 15th February 2018, Dr. Bart Van De Ven is going to sculpt Sarah's new face... and five days later Dr. Maarten Doornaert will be tucking Sarah's tummy and rounding her hips with her own adipose tissue! [emoji6] For the BA, we'll have to wait a bit longer (Dr. Doornaert advises 1,5-2 years HRT... I'm just 7 months, so...).

So happy!!! [emoji7]  And smiling looking at the title of the thread... [emoji4]

Warm hugs, Sarah



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[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Sarah,

Congrats on the fail. My gosh girl, it wasn't that long ago you started this thread worrying about whether you should go to your therapy session dressed. Since then it been balls (ooops sorry) to the wall, full speed ahead.

What was that blur that just sped by? Oh, that's just Sarah on her way to herself.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thank you Laurie! You are always so sweet! And yes, after that first domino felt, things went pretty fast! [emoji28] So much that when they slow down, I become a bit anxious...

Big warm hug! [emoji134]
Sarah

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

That's great Sarah! Congratulations!

Thanks Sarah! [emoji134]

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[Laurie]

Hi Sarah,

  Slow down?? Where? You are still going full speed ahead. It's the bureaucrats and doctors that are dragging their feet. Meanwhile you are doing  electrolysis and laser, pushing full time to the limits you can. Geeeeze girl it can't all happen overnight because although you're cute you aren't Cinderella going to the royal ball. It's going to time a few more days yet.  Your doing great Sarah.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[elkie-t]

I am always checking on your new posts. Happy for you


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[Laurie]

Oh BTW I forgot to tell you I really like the new avatar.
You're looking better all the time.

Hugs,
  Laurie