STEALTH or Loud and Proud???

[KathyLauren]

I make an effort to be passable, but I make no effort at all to be stealth.  I live in a small village of (maybe) 300 people, so stealth is not an option.  I was active in the community before I came out and I still am, so everyone knows me before and after.  Even people I don't interact with regularly must have heard about me by now.

In the nearby town, I am not so well known.  I think I present well enough not to draw undue attention, so I probably pass if no one looks to closely.  But I make no effort to hide who I am, and if someone figures it out, I will not deny it.

The biggest part of transitioning for me is that I finally have the opportunity to be real.  No more secrets.  No more hiding.   This is me.  Deal with it.  Trying to be stealth would be like going back into a different closet.

Just yesterday, I was at the flag-raising for the local Pride Week.  I hung out with several trans friends, and most of us were wearing our trans pendants.  We were pretty obvious

[Michelle_P]

Like Kathy Lauren, I'm out, and not stealth.  I DO try to pass, as a matter of safety and to make interacting with strangers in the world easier.

That said, I spent yesterday:
1)  Taking a couple of ciswomen to a drag show
2)  Attending an evening shopping event with a trans social group
3)  Taking several trans folks and the shop owner and staff out for a nice Italian dinner.

That is not stealthy behavior.    

[LizK]

It must be catching

I am out and couldn't be stealthy if I tried 

[FTMax]

I don't hide it, but I also don't tell people that generally don't need to know (anybody that isn't a medical professional).

[MistressStevie]

Its filmed by Vice Media.

Vice Media has some absolutely amazing reports.  I will be waiting to watch this one. 

[WolfNightV4X1]

I don't get out much (sad, I know), but right now at work and to the public I am stealth, which is all my interactions mainly. I love being stealth, the only exceptions are with my old friends (who knew me pre-transition and gladly accept me as the person not the gender either way, so they were totally okay with viewing me as a guy), my family (who refuse to see me as a guy), and some places on the internet (my art accounts though I don't outright say I'm trans, an old forum I've been to a long while pre-T, and this one)

I read somewhere that a pro of being out (rather than just promoting the transgender community and giving representation) is being able to discuss trans-related topics about yourself or others to non trans or other trans people. Some things about yourself shouldn't be 100% hidden from anyone, and sometimes it's nice to disclose information when you need to discuss a topic with another person.

I'm mostly anticipating being stealth, but if I meet one or two friends/companions irl who I can trust to not drastically change their attitude towards me because they are lgbt friendly then I may consider being partly "out"

[annquance]

I have never hidden the fact that I was transforming. Without the support of my wife, children, friends and family you would make it so hard on yourself. I live in a small town and run my own business so it's not like everyone would have not noticed. I am in Thailand at the moment about to undergo srs with Dr Chettawut and my wife can't go through town without people stopping and asking her how I am. Mind you I have been telling them for the last 6 months i'm off to get my designer fanny. If your open with people I have them for more accepting xx

[Niki Knight]

Im full time so no stealth here. All my family, employees, suppliers etc have known for a while.

[beeshellaknees]

I never hold back my 'trans status' if it somehow comes up in conversation. I might mention I got my testosterone shot if somebody asks where I was that morning, or I might share my 'personal expertise' if the topic comes up, but I also don't make a point of telling everybody about it. Nonetheless, I'm in university and word gets around, so I'm sure a lot of people are aware of it

I remember talking to someone I'd just met and the subject came up, and he admitted that he sometimes messed up on my pronouns and had to correct himself. It's weird knowing that people you don't know give it so much thought, but I do like being 'the trans person' around here. Kind of normalizes the concept to people who've never met a trans person, and lets other trans people know that they're not alone.

[James80]

I'm still transitioning (pre-op) and struggle with this. In a perfect world, I think I would be stealth and just live my life as I see fit, but it's becoming an increasing imperfect world where we have to struggle for our rights. I'm not okay with vanishing into the crowd and hoping things work out for the best for us. So...personally, I don't think I can be stealth without giving up the fight. Then again, I'm not sure how effective I would be at activism. Would what I'm able to contribute be worth enough to justify the risk?

[rmaddy]

I'm non-stealth....Meaning I don't care if people know and I'm completely open about the fact that I'm trans.

I don't care if people notice (and they can) that I am trans.  Trans is a good thing to be.  However, if they notice and still misgender me, a pox on them.

[undautri]

cishet

I know this was posted a month ago, but is it really OK to just use a slur like this on the website? it's so demeaning to cis people, who are the majority of people on this earth... why would you call them that? 

[Nina]

I've been living full time now going on 10 years. I wouldn't call myself stealth mode, but I also don't go out of my way to be "loud and proud"
Something I gave up on year two was voice lessons or trying to alter my voice. Couldn't care less if anyone figures out who I am by my voice. I'm long over feelings of dysphoria if I get called sir on the phone, but I am quick to correc them which always illicits an apology.

[amandam]

I havent transitioned but would go stealth if possible.

[Cailan Jerika]

I know this was posted a month ago, but is it really OK to just use a slur like this on the website? it's so demeaning to cis people, who are the majority of people on this earth... why would you call them that? 

When did cishet become a slur? It just means someone who is not LGBT. AKA "normal" in the popular meaning, but since we don't like to think of ourselves as being "not normal" we came up with another term. Similarly, in the autism community (my son is autism) we call those not on the autism spectrum (including ourselves/parents, etc) "neurotypical."

[undautri]

When did cishet become a slur? It just means someone who is not LGBT. AKA "normal" in the popular meaning, but since we don't like to think of ourselves as being "not normal" we came up with another term. Similarly, in the autism community (my son is autism) we call those not on the autism spectrum (including ourselves/parents, etc) "neurotypical."

usually when you want to refer to a cisgendered person, you just call them Cis. Only ever seen cishet used as an insult. Maybe I'm wrong, sorry if I am, but I have never seen it used in a friendly context. Only ever seen it used for derision.

[Devlyn]

Basically, applying an unwanted label to anyone is poor form.

[Tessa James]

When my naive dreams of being "changed into a woman" by puberty were lost I faced the facts and knew of no alternative in 1963.  Since no one really talked to us as kids about sex and gender I had resorted to magical thinking and hoped that puberty, as experienced by my older sister, could work for me too.  Instead I got stupid boners, zits, a voice change and a growth spurt that called me out as boy to man.  Coping with that reality for the next few decades ensured that my eventual transition was not likely going to make me a candidate for passing, much less stealth.

Accepting that truth about myself, I have appreciated being out, visible, and approachable to those curious folks who may be educable.  The truth is that I am a person who is transgender, among many other descriptors, and have the confidence and desire to live publicly.  Closets are for clothes.   Secrets become toxic in the dark.

[ainsley]

I think because I try to blend 100% of the time, and avoid disclosure, that I am stealth.  I may get clocked, but I do not voluntarily disclose unless there is a medical reason to do so.

[LaRell]

I have only been on HRT (MTF) for one month now and still present as male out and about.  I'm choosing to take the transition kind of slowly.  Not really interested personally in going out in public dressed as female, until I reach a certain level of acceptance of myself. ha ha.  Not that I intend to wait til I can "Pass" because I very much recognize that I may never be able to pass.  But, want to at least be closer to being able to, so I want to give the HRT a good bit of time to do whatever it is going to do, which I realize may not be much.

  But anyway, I said "Non-Stealth" because pretty much all of my friends, family, and extended family, and my wife's family all know now due to a bit of a post explosion that happened on facebook, and my posting about the whole Trump-Transgender-Military crap.  I had some close family members get on my post and say some terrible things about Transgender people, to which I ended up replying, and before I knew it, I basically outed myself to all of my 400 plus facebook friends and family.   The repercussions of which have been pretty brutal.  AHHHH  My wife's grandma basically disowned her over it.  My mother lost her mind and is now reading all of Walt Heyer's books and is convinced that he is right, and that something must have happened to me as a kid that caused this, and that it can be fixed.   So it's quite a ->-bleeped-<- storm I've been dealing with for the past couple months.  But regardless...I am still taking my HRT and going forward.....carefully.  But not hiding it anymore.  Just not yet presenting as female in public.  I do plan to have GRS in the next couple years or so too.  I personally feel like that is none of my family or friends business, other than my wife who is the only one truly affected by it, unlike my family who only think it somehow affects them.   If I could pass, I would never tell anybody, and would just allow anyone I come across (unless I was single and dating) to believe I was cis, yet married to a woman.  Since I am pretty sure I will not be able to pass however, I will obviously not even have to tell people I go around. They will just know.  ha ha.   I sometimes would be happy even still presenting as a man, but having a vagina.  Atleast that way I will know I am female both inside and as far as my sex organs go, and could dress how I wanted to occasionally, but wouldn't have to worry about the issues of not passing in public.  I don't know.  We shall see how this whole thing progresses.