I am 53 and don't have many of the very serious concerns others have when coming out. But I have hesitated and stalled for other reasons. On political and many social issues we are complete opposites - especially my father. My mother is from Japan, her generation has strict social expectations and I am their only child. She has been proud to introduce me to others as her Number One Son, a term that makes me cringe.
I have thought about this conversation for three years and battled it internally for the past several months. This has woken me up at night. As I have gradually realized I need to live life the way I want, I have tossed aside fears of how others might react - with the exception of my parents. I am very close to my parents. I do not want to hurt them in any way.
My gender therapist has asked if I've had this conversation yet. And my electrologist. And my speech therapist. And my hairdresser. I came close to it but chickened out. I could use holidays as an excuse - if things go badly is this how they would always want to remember Mother's Day. And then Father's Day.
A close friend who knows my parents well has consistently recommended: do not transition until they are dead.
My gender therapist recommended I write a letter but I didn't. A letter might be best for some people and situations but my best accomplishments have not involved a letter - it is when I communicate from my heart, directly, in person to another individual or on stage if it's a crowd. I am not trying to discourage others from writing a great letter - but I just couldn't.
My speech therapist had a brutally simple but true observation based on her experience with clients. This is when you will find out if your parents truly love you. She has seen a "redneck in a cowboy hat" totally embrace their child coming out as transgender without hesitation. She has seen people you would expect to understand, just not get it at all. She has given up trying to predict. She said just do it and then I will know.
Today I was visiting my parents and thought about people I admire here. Sara in Wales gaining the courage to walk out of her house in a small village, traveling to a larger town and down a city sidewalk to her first transgender group support meeting as herself.
Laurie from Oregon who had barely gone anywhere as herself, and then after a couple exceptions drove across the entire US and back as herself. Watching
Artesia have this conversation with her parents four months ago with better results than expected, and discovering new things about herself in the process. I thought about this as I looked in the mirror and knew what I needed to do.
My parents took this information far better than I expected. I can barely put into words by how much - I am stunned.
My mother initially cried and apologized, and stopped crying when I reminded her a transition in 1971 (when I was eight) had massive social and medical challenges compared to today.
My mother started to understand when I explained how she was non-conforming with her career as an Engineering Draftsman. Her business card in the 1970s had a male pronoun. She used to joke about being called "a guy named Sue" at the office (the only thing remotely masculine about her was her job title).
My father thinks he might have been left handed but isn't sure, other than memories of having a grade school teacher hit his left hand with a ruler when he was caught writing with it. 10% of people are biologically left handed, but the same countries and societies that repress gender identity somehow have a low percentage of left handed people.
I made every effort to convince them this isn't a bad thing - it is an opportunity - and they seem to accept that. I also told them about the recent post from
Bobbie which is an eye-opener for me: by doing this, I get to experience life twice. How many people get to do that?
I feared today, and I didn't have to.
