Working and Transitioning

[Sluggy]

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to get​ a feel for what other people's experiences are like, and was wondering,

How did you go about transitioning and working a job?
Did you stay at a long term job? Leave and start a new job?
Did you instantly flip to full-time? Or was it a gradual process?

Or, if you transitioned in-between jobs, did you apply as your previous self, then come out? Or did you apply as your transitioned self? How did that affect your job search?


I'm very early on in my transition, only a month on HRT as well, and currently not out at work. My job is contracted only for a few more months, and I may not reapply so I figure it's best to just stay closeted. I'm thinking of applying to some LGBT centers for work, but the whole process is definitely pretty daunting.

[Denise]

It depends upon your location and the acceptance of the company.  I work in Chicago Illinois which has laws protecting discrimination based upon LGBT status.

Even with the laws, my company is very accepting. The people I work with (+30 years) are all accepting.

You are about to change a lot of things in your life.  Do you want to keep something constant?

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[Sophia Sage]

When it comes to coming out on the job, I always recommend holding off as long as possible.  Because this is so expensive, and the last thing you want is to lose your work while you're in the midst of transition -- it's much, much harder to get a new job when you're so vulnerable.

Aside from that, so much depends on what your long-term plans are.  If passing is important, and you plan on living a life without a "trans narrative," you might consider not transitioning on the job at all.  Rather, after getting to the point where you're not getting clocked, and you've got all your documentation changed, just move on and get a new job (in a new city, even better) where no one knows. 

I never came out at work -- thankfully, I was a telecommuter, so after I got all my surgeries taken care of, I left that job and started a new career.  And I'm so happy I did, despite the difficulties of doing so.

[elkie-t]

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to get​ a feel for what other people's experiences are like, and was wondering,

How did you go about transitioning and working a job?
Did you stay at a long term job? Leave and start a new job?
Did you instantly flip to full-time? Or was it a gradual process?

Or, if you transitioned in-between jobs, did you apply as your previous self, then come out? Or did you apply as your transitioned self? How did that affect your job search?


I'm very early on in my transition, only a month on HRT as well, and currently not out at work. My job is contracted only for a few more months, and I may not reapply so I figure it's best to just stay closeted. I'm thinking of applying to some LGBT centers for work, but the whole process is definitely pretty daunting.

Money is very important for transition, and it's best to go through transition employed. And it is much easier not to hire someone on any fake reason than to fire a person hired (not that it's impossible, just takes more time to do properly to avoid discrimination lawsuit). So, find yourself a good solid employment in a company that support LGBT policies. If you aren't happy at your current places, I'd start sending resumes (and once get an offer - disclose your t-status to HR person, but stay closeted until you contract in your current place is renewed (then maybe discuss your transition with HR and manager).

[Megan.]

I've transitioned in my role at work. I work for a global giant with excellent policies,  and in the UK with legal protection. My colleagues have been excellent without fault,  plenty of slip-ups on names and pronouns,  but nothing deliberate,  so I just laugh those off. I worked from home for 1 week while they updated email and directories,  then went back on the following Monday,  all good!
I'd contacted HR about  6 months previously,  and had been informally telling my team members over a couple of months beforehand. The week before my  SVP sent out an email to the department telling about the change. I'd been growing my hair out,  but otherwise it was a straight switch,  but work was about the last place I started presenting authentically. X

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[Brooke]

I am in the midst of interviewing for the first time as Brooke. I didn't transition on the job. I had to stop working a couple of years in order to deal with some health issues. These had previously kept me from transitioning, however during this period I got the all clear to start hrt. As I still had a long road in front of me for my recovery process, I decided to transition both socially as well as legally during that time. I went full time a little over a year ago, and haven't had any issues passing.

Now, I'm actively interviewing with no mention of of my transition. Time will tell how it goes.


~Brooke~

[Ashley1212]

I am in Arizona. I work for local government (city). I don't think I have any rights in as but that wasn't going to stop me. Early on when I was deciding what to do. I reached out to Human Resources and diversity  manager. The good and bad is I am in management role so I work closely with HR on an regular basis. No one has transitioned at work before and they didn't really have any clue about any of it. But they said I was covered at work and I could.  That they were going to reach out to some other cities and see if any have a policies for transitioning at work.  Some time went by and they gathered what they thought was some good info. They created a policy and went over rules. The created a policy and and a q and a sheet. We went over best way to let everyone one know. It was all up to me. So I  have been on hrt for around 6 months and my hair was getting long. Around  that time I told my manger and director. They were new in the position but very supportive. People were getting confused who I was and starting to ask question. Not rude or mean but just questions. When some one comes to work for 12 years with a hair high and tight type of hair cut. Then they have long hair people start to question.  So my daughter was born 10-24-17. I was on leave for two weeks. So during that time I sent a letter to close friend at work. They were confused but very supportive. I came back to work. Hr set up meeting with all managers in the city. But setup a separate one for my entire division supervisor and managers to go over the policy. At the end of the meeting I stood up and told them.  That they policy was because of me. That I was planning on transitioning very soon. The response was very supportive. After that most people were aware of what I was doing. So fast forward a couple of months. Most people were aware I was planning to have ffs and possibly voice surgery. So I tried to setup everything up before I left in April to have have FFS. I had surgery FFS on April 14. I went back to work the siesta week in may. But I had all my document changed before I went back to work. Legal name changed and all bank accounts other documents. I sent out an email to work that I no longer go by x and I go by Ashley she/ her pronouns. Other than  few mishaps with old name. It went really good. My staff and my bosses. Told me when they found out. They didn't care they want me to stay and that there would be no issues. My plans was to transition and start a new life somewhere else. But I have a child that I was not part of plasm and they greatest thing to come out of this. My field of work is smaller so I would have to leave the state to not be know as my former name. Not because I was worried about my current position. I just didn't want to be that person labeled as a trans person. But at some point. I said screw it, I worked really hard to get to the position I have. It went very well me.  I am not the flag carrying proud trans person but also not ashamed of who I am.
wish all the best of luck.
Sorry for misspelling and typos on phone.

[Brooke]

I am in Arizona. I work for local government (city). I don't think I have any rights in as but that wasn't going to stop me. Early on when I was deciding what to do. I reached out to Human Resources and diversity  manager. The good and bad is I am in management role so I work closely with HR on an regular basis. No one has transitioned at work before and they didn't really have any clue about any of it. But they said I was covered at work and I could.  That they were going to reach out to some other cities and see if any have a policies for transitioning at work.  Some time went by and they gathered what they thought was some good info. They created a policy and went over rules. The created a policy and and a q and a sheet. We went over best way to let everyone one know. It was all up to me. So I  have been on hrt for around 6 months and my hair was getting long. Around  that time I told my manger and director. They were new in the position but very supportive. People were getting confused who I was and starting to ask question. Not rude or mean but just questions. When some one comes to work for 12 years with a hair high and tight type of hair cut. Then they have long hair people start to question.  So my daughter was born 10-24-17. I was on leave for two weeks. So during that time I sent a letter to close friend at work. They were confused but very supportive. I came back to work. Hr set up meeting with all managers in the city. But setup a separate one for my entire division supervisor and managers to go over the policy. At the end of the meeting I stood up and told them.  That they policy was because of me. That I was planning on transitioning very soon. The response was very supportive. After that most people were aware of what I was doing. So fast forward a couple of months. Most people were aware I was planning to have ffs and possibly voice surgery. So I tried to setup everything up before I left in April to have have FFS. I had surgery FFS on April 14. I went back to work the siesta week in may. But I had all my document changed before I went back to work. Legal name changed and all bank accounts other documents. I sent out an email to work that I no longer go by x and I go by Ashley she/ her pronouns. Other than  few mishaps with old name. It went really good. My staff and my bosses. Told me when they found out. They didn't care they want me to stay and that there would be no issues. My plans was to transition and start a new life somewhere else. But I have a child that I was not part of plasm and they greatest thing to come out of this. My field of work is smaller so I would have to leave the state to not be know as my former name. Not because I was worried about my current position. I just didn't want to be that person labeled as a trans person. But at some point. I said screw it, I worked really hard to get to the position I have. It went very well me.  I am not the flag carrying proud trans person but also not ashamed of who I am.
wish all the best of luck.
Sorry for misspelling and typos on phone.

Hey Ashley,
Were there any lessons learned that may be applicable to other government positions in AZ/not city specific. I live in the Phoenix metro area and at some point in my career I may end up working for the city of Phoenix, Scottsdale, tempe, or Mesa.

Thanks!


~Brooke~

[Gertrude]

Hey Ashley,
Were there any lessons learned that may be applicable to other government positions in AZ/not city specific. I live in the Phoenix metro area and at some point in my career I may end up working for the city of Phoenix, Scottsdale, tempe, or Mesa.

Thanks!


~Brooke~

I live in the northeast valley and the state has no protections for transgender people, but some cities do, like Tempe and Phoenix. Not sure about mesa or Scottsdale. I would think it would be easy to find out. I think the HRC has a map. The city websites would have it somewhere too.


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[Brooke]

I live in the northeast valley and the state has no protections for transgender people, but some cities do, like Tempe and Phoenix. Not sure about mesa or Scottsdale. I would think it would be easy to find out. I think the HRC has a map. The city websites would have it somewhere too.


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You might find this interesting
http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/best-and-worst-arizona-cities-for-lgbt-rights-7955082


~Brooke~

[Julia1996]

My experience with jobs has been really good so far but I cut hair and people are very accepting of LGBT people in that field. When I got my first job I had just started hrt but I wasnt presenting as female yet. I just didnt want to deal with it in my last year of high school.  I started working weekends at a salon close to where I live. The owner was an older lady and I was a little worried she might have a problem with me. I was very androgynous and honestly a lot of people couldn't tell for sure what sex I was. She never said anything about it. At the end of the interview she just asked me if I preferred to be called he or she. She never asked me anything else about my gender the whole time I worked for her. Although I did have customers sometimes ask me if I was male or female.  Now I work for a couple who own both a beauty salon and a barber shop and work at both of them. When I interviewed for that one I was full time but I told them I was trans. They just said "oh ok" and have never mentioned it since. Cosmetology is one field where it doesn't matter if you're trans. I took cosmetology classes while I was in high school just for that reason. I had been afraid my parents might disown me or throw me out for being trans and I wanted to be able to support myself if I had to.

[Gertrude]

You might find this interesting
http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/best-and-worst-arizona-cities-for-lgbt-rights-7955082


~Brooke~

Thanks Brook. I've only been here 5 years. Spent 9 years in Iowa and 40 on Long Island. Each place is very different.


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[sfbarbie]

A little back story first..
I started growing my hair out in early 2011, I was working full time and my hair was super short so a couple of months of growth wasn't a huge deal really.  I graduated in May of 2011 and then transferred to another place for my new job.  I did that a few months- all while still letting my hair grow.  I started getting a lot of questions about my hair length and it made me so uncomfortable as I knew that there would be some people who had a problem with my transitioning.  (specifically one girl I worked with often badmouthed trans girls because an ex bf of hers cheated on her with a trans girl) so at that time I decided to leave and look for a different job.

I ended up getting a job where I only worked Saturday & Sunday.  My hair was getting long and I was super feminine but I went to work as "a guy" and then Mon-Fri I lived as female.  I did this for about a year.  During which time I started HRT as well. I left there and took another job that was an easier job, but I had to work nights M-F.  So I dealt with a lot less people because it was night time and no one really said anything. There were times when people thought I was a girl but I was still presenting as male but it wasn't an issue.  I only left there when I was looking something up in the employee handbook and saw that there was a specific rule that associates had to dress in a gender which matched their gender at birth!  I was absolutely appalled by that.  I wasn't ready to live full time yet but it still upset me.  I went back to the job that was sat/sun for another year.

Actually going fulltime
Things got rough at the job that was sat/sun (not because my transition or gender identity or anything) so I left there.  I interviewed at another place and really liked it and immediately hit it off with my boss.  We became besties like asap.  I cannot tell you, how it made me beyond enthralled... I started working there I think 2 weeks after my interview and she started introducing me to everyone as she/her.  One day we were texting and I can't remember exactly what happened but she just said something along the lines of I presume you prefer she/her and that's when I told her yes and that I was wanting to live full time.  Luckily I had a birth name that either gender can have (and actually there were 2 girls that worked there with the same name lol) So my boss and I talked and basically she was going to continue calling me she and we had a plan where I applied to change my name and once that was all legal and approved I was going to come full time to work as female.  I mean I already looked fem, but I went from coming to work without makeup and in a sports bra, to coming to work with makeup, fake nails & a regular bra.

It was easy really I felt like, because my boss was so supportive of LGBT things, but there were a lot of people that worked there so it definitely took time for people to get my pronouns and new name right.  I worked there for almost 2 years.  HR was always really supportive, they even called me into a meeting and said they were going to change my status in the computer from male to female.  They said that they kept getting it flagged or something because my new name was such a girls name and my gender was marked as M, idk if that's true or not but like I cared!  I was happy it was F.

So that's how I went full time.  Started growing hair in 2011 & went full time after my name change 2/2014.  Going forward I applied to jobs and have presented as F since.  I've only ever had 1 issue.  The job I went to after I left the one I went full time at was ok to start.  I ended up quitting because my boss was a b*tch period like to everyone.  She actually was calling me a man behind my back and all this crap that the regional HR person had to get involved with (she was a lesbian and was clearly on my side) but I didn't care.  I was so mad I never wanted to see that lady's face again.  It all worked out for the best I ended up getting a job right after that which was double what I was making there which enabled me to save money for FFS

sorry this was sooo long!

[Sluggy]

A little back story first..
I started growing my hair out in early 2011

No this was awesome to read! Thanks for sharing!!!
It feels a bit relatable at parts so it was good for my spirits