Wow, it's been a little while since I've posted here! Honestly, not a ton has really been happening on the HRT front, my skin and hair are pretty much the same, I think my chest has calmed down a little and I may have been a little more emotional lately too, but that might just be from some big changes I have coming up. One thing that I think has been changing is my taste. Spicy foods seem to have even more kick now than they did before, and sweet stuff seems sweeter! With pancakes I can't use a lot of syrup like I used to, mostly just butter now, and while I still do love sweets I can't eat as many like I used to.
One thing I've noticed is how much I can't stand being around groups of guys anymore, I hate it and it's clearer than ever that I am not one of them, even if I don't really feel like a girl all the time. It sucks because I'm around my dad a lot and I'm even getting really sick of him, he likes to joke around a lot and his sense of humor is very dumb and at times vulgar and I just can't stand it, it's so annoying. And seriously, do guys need to talk about their genitals and sex ALL THE EFFING TIME?! stop! My car ride to work is an hour and a half now and that's all they seem to talk about after work, there's a whole vehicle full of men laughing while I'm looking out the widow trying not to cry.
I started to freak out a little the other day because it was the first of the month. I can't believe it's March already! Last year was the longest year of my life when I wanted time to go by fast, this year I need things to slow down and it's flying by! At this time next month I'm hoping to be moving into my first apartment! This is crucial to my transition, I am going to be living alone for the first time, and I need to move out to my own place before I tell my mom about my transition. I do have a place lined up that has its pros and cons though. It's in a nice neighborhood but it's two towns over from where I actually want to live, so that's kind of a bummer but my friend owns it, so I don't have to worry about a mean landlord that won't take my transition well. My friend said I could still use my bbq smoker there and he said I could get a cat if I want to, which I think will help with my loneliness. It's a little smaller than I'd like but I think it will be ok. The thing that sucks is that I can't really go look at it in person right now because someone's living there. They've been evicted though for a couple different reasons, they've been served already so they are supposed to be out by the end of the month but there's a chance that something could happen, but my friend told me I should be able to move in in April.
Another reason I'm freaking out about it being the beginning of the month is because May 1st is my tentative "full time" date, and that's when I plan on coming out on Facebook. It's been over 2 months now since I've been out in public as Maddie, and that was even the last time I did my makeup, I've been so lazy about it! But luckily I have a lot of Maddie time coming up! Next weekend I'm going an hour out of town with a friend for dinner and I'm going to dress up for that, and then we're doing the same thing the following weekend. Then March 24th I have an appointment with my therapist and I'm going to go see her as Maddie for the first time! This will be the anniversary weekend of my first appointment with her last year, and she still hasn't seen me dressed up in person yet! She's seen pictures though. Then April 13th I have an appointment with the gender doctor and I'm going to dress up for that too for the first time! I think they can give me one more increase in my estrogen too and I'll be at the maximum dose, so we'll see how that goes!
and on top of all of this I need to find a new job! ugh!
So much coming up! I'm scared but excited! I also need a lot more new clothes! I'm planning a shopping trip in April I think
