Hi everyone. I am from Sydney, Australia and have been on and off this forum several times under different usernames included this one. I am having a terrible time trying to make sense of what is happening to me.
I am 44 born male and for the past 2 years I have been struggling with pretty bad gender dysphoria. The dysphoria has actually always kind of been there in the background, but I never knew what it was. 2 years ago I started therapy and now know that weird feeling I had was gender dysphoria. I have gone through the denial, depression, self loathing phases. I have frequently thought about and tried killing myself a few times (I didn't try very hard otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this now).
On 7th June this year I started a low dose of HRT. I have increased the dose twice since starting and have remained on the increased dosage. I am sad to say that the hormones have had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. I'm not expecting any physical changes so soon, it I was hoping for some psychological changes. I see my endocrinologist again on Monday. Hopefully he can figure out what is going on.
I don't want to transition. It would be too hard for my wife to cope with a transition, and I don't want to turn my life upside down. I just want to be a normal guy. I was really hoping the HRT would settle my mind so I can get on with living.
I'm not real sure why I signed up to the forum again. I always seem to have a breakdown and delete everything. Maybe this time will be different.
Jayne
