Wanting to repress dysphoria/feeling stuck between genders?

[lc100]

Hello, everyone. I haven't been on here in forever, and I feel bad because this site has helped me a lot over the years (even when I was just lurking). I hope whoever is reading this is doing alright.

Long story short, I'm going through one of those times where I just want to repress all knowledge of trans-related stuff and my own dysphoria. For about 4 or 5 years, I've gone through phases where I'm okay identifying as a trans male, and then I feel suddenly feel very obsessive about my label. I won't go into it too much since that's not what I'm here for, but...

I'm not really asking for advice, I'm just wondering if anyone has felt the same? I've heard that a lot of trans men and women can often feel confused about their label because dysphoria can make you feel stuck. Everyone experiences dysphoria differently, but maybe someone else here can relate. Not sure if any of this made sense, to be honest, but I'll put it out there anyway.

I also have one other question: is mentioning this to a LGBT-friendly therapist generally safe? Therapists differ, sure, but I feel like if I mentioned being confused, I would never have a chance of transitioning... I don't want to transition yet, but what if I am concrete in deciding to one day, and am not able to because past confusion? Maybe I'm worrying too much, but I would really like to talk about this with a therapist. But if it's unsafe, I'll just sort it out on my own, I guess.

One last note, sort of unrelated--I miss being here, mostly because I see a lot of older ladies here mention just recently transitioning or coming to terms with their gender at an age much older than I am. It's very reassuring, and I appreciate everyone here so much for sharing their stories. Hopefully I'll be able to donate soon.

[OblivionLight]

Definitely get where you're coming from to a degree. I'm new here, but I've expressed in other posts that I'm currently very confused/unsure where I stand in my identity, even after years of identifying as agender. The past year my dysphoria has been much worse and in general I just haven't been happy with how I present and identify as. At the same time, I'm scared to switch and tell people something else... it's a tough time, but I get the feeling, although in my own way, I suppose.

You could say I'm going through a really long obsessive-about-label phase right now, so you're definitely not alone.

Not any help on the therapist thing, though, since I have 0 experience with discussing these things with therapists at all.

[KathyLauren]

I get the confusion.  We all feel this at some point in our progress, and we all deal with it in our own way, at our own rate.

I'm not sure I understand the fear regarding the therapist.  Granted there are bad therapists out there, but most are good, and want only to help us.  Helping you sort out confusion is a therapist's job description.  They are not out there to deny you access to treatment if that is what you want.  If you decide in the future that you do want to transition, they are not going to say, no, you can't transition because you were confused last year.  It is expected that we will all be confused at some point.  When you have sorted out the confusion, you will know what to do, whether that is transition or non-transition, and your therapist will help you get there.

[Elis]

Being on T has helped me to accept my nb identity and realise what exactly my nb identity is. Due to the T getting rid of the dysphoria causing me unable to think clearly. And to an extent it's made me care less about labels. I'm happy with most of the physical changes and happy about the mental ones.

I think in regards to telling a therapist you have to be sure they specialise in gender issues and follow WPATH. They should let you lead the conversation and shouldn't implement their own theories onto you. They can't diagnose GD but can help guide your thoughts.

[rmaddy]

I've been there, and I've talked to my therapist about it.  From where I sit, therapy isn't really therapy unless you show up with that with which you are struggling most.  I get that on one hand we all need a couple of therapists to check a box for us, but the whole point of that is to make sure that we fully deal with our doubts, fears and sometimes delusions before we make irreversible decisions.

I was raised a half century ago in a society that had not yet begun to reconsider the binary.  I have had (and still occasionally have) lots of doubts.  Talking to my therapist has been instrumental in preparing me for transition, including in helping me to go through with hormonal and surgical transition, which ultimately he supported as well despite having heard every contradictory thought I have entertained.

I know it's hard, but trust that the system works for the most part, and dig deep into what bothers you.  If you don't deal with it now, it will be waiting for you later.

Finally, this does not make you any less trans.  I know that you can find plenty of people here and elsewhere who swear that they have never had the least doubt about who they were and what they needed.  Perhaps the lady (or gentleman) doth protest a bit too much?

[lc100]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I don't have many people to comfortably talk about this anxiety with, so I agree that some of my concerns are just silly after they build up and become nonsense.

I feel more comfortable about the therapy thing now, and it's nice to hear that others are just as confused as I am sometimes. It's one of those things that you know you're not alone in but kind of need to hear it, I guess.

Hopefully once I can talk to a therapist about gender issues, I'll learn to chill out. Thanks again for the replies, and good luck to anyone else who is experiencing confusion!