Pre-everything. Could I pass?

[HannahHindle]

Hi.

So, a few months back I finally got the privacy I needed to have a go at make-up and dress the way I want. I'm rather new to it and I'm pre-everything. I'm not out to most people I know yet.

As a result, I've not had a lot of input and I'm worried that I won't be able to pass. I only have one picture of me (that I didn't delete) and it's the same as my avatar, but I thought I'd upload it here as larger.



Do you think I could pass...eventually?

Thanks,
Hannah x

[elkie-t]

 You look cute, but your face looks as if you're challenging the camera and the whole world. I'd suggest to relax and smile next time. You're dressing as a nice girl and having good time, show it!

But your hands, I think, will always be a strong give away. Unfortunately. But that isn't the end of the world


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[LizK]

Absolutely from physical point of view...Could you Pass? Yes, women come in all shapes and sizes 

[warmbody28]

eventually I really think you can

[Lady Lisandra]

Totally. You just have to practice being a woman! Try makeup, hairstyles, clothes... find out the ones that make you look more femenine and play with them.

[HannahHindle]

You look cute, but your face looks as if you're challenging the camera and the whole world. I'd suggest to relax and smile next time. You're dressing as a nice girl and having good time, show it!

But your hands, I think, will always be a strong give away. Unfortunately. But that isn't the end of the world


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Thanks Elkie. Heh, I'm just not a very smiley person. And hands, eh? I wish there was a way to shrink them. Ugh.

Absolutely from physical point of view...Could you Pass? Yes, women come in all shapes and sizes 

Thank you. I guess you're right. I just can't help but obsess over this.

eventually I really think you can

Thank you x

Totally. You just have to practice being a woman! Try makeup, hairstyles, clothes... find out the ones that make you look more femenine and play with them.

Thank you x

I wish I had more privacy to try different styles and try make-up more. As soon as I do, or come out, I won't be able to stop myself.

[elkie-t]

You need to work on your smile. Men have to be scary and look mean to survive. Women on the other hand pretend to look nice, especially towards other women (even if they aren't).
And when you're dressing up, doesn't it make you feel good? You need to project that feeling through the camera to the whole world.

Big hands cannot be shrinked, but in real life - they are constantly moving and not your central focus. For the camera, you can find a few good poses where your hands look visually smaller (or hide them)

[elkie-t]

A smile brings a smile in the person who looks at you. A frown brings a frown. Smilie person is more liked and his physical deficiencies are often overlooked much more than a person who seems angry or dead serious.

[HannahHindle]

You need to work on your smile. Men have to be scary and look mean to survive. Women on the other hand pretend to look nice, especially towards other women (even if they aren't).
And when you're dressing up, doesn't it make you feel good? You need to project that feeling through the camera to the whole world.

Big hands cannot be shrinked, but in real life - they are constantly moving and not your central focus. For the camera, you can find a few good poses where your hands look visually smaller (or hide them)

Elkie, I totally get what you are saying, but literally nothing makes me smile these days. Dressing up doesn't make me feel good. It used to. I am depressed. 90% of my smiles are fake.

I understand that a smile may help make the eye of the beholder more agreeable, but I personally hate my smile because of my jawline. I think this idea that smiles are more feminine and frowns are more for men is a little outdated as well. A lot of the girls I know frown more than the men.

[elkie-t]

Fake it until it becomes real. Depression is best fought with some physical exercises. Sign up for some 'learn to dance' classes or whatever suits you


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[DawnOday]

With HRT your features will soften to a degree. Will you pass? It's all about confidence or so I'm told. I'm working on it.  I am told it is not so much, do you look like a woman but more importantly you act like a woman. Pitch of the voice, gestures, even something as innocuous as crossing your legs and paying attention. An example would be how a woman accepts a bunch of flowers or how her conversations revolve around family, artsy stuff. Not limited to cars, sports and sex.

[elkie-t]

I don't think passing is relevant. Whether you pass or not, if you act confidently you will be more likely to be accepted as a female


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[HannahHindle]

Fake it until it becomes real. Depression is best fought with some physical exercises. Sign up for some 'learn to dance' classes or whatever suits you

I don't think passing is relevant. Whether you pass or not, if you act confidently you will be more likely to be accepted as a female

With HRT your features will soften to a degree. Will you pass? It's all about confidence or so I'm told. I'm working on it.  I am told it is not so much, do you look like a woman but more importantly you act like a woman. Pitch of the voice, gestures, even something as innocuous as crossing your legs and paying attention. An example would be how a woman accepts a bunch of flowers or how her conversations revolve around family, artsy stuff. Not limited to cars, sports and sex.

I get the whole confidence thing. That is definitely something I need to work on because I am definitely not confident enough right now...although I do already act feminine in a lot of ways. My conversations are always about emotions and artsy stuff. I have literally no interest in your typical "manly" stuff. I always sit with my legs crossed no matter what I'm wearing and my voice, hand gestures and stance, I am told are rather feminine. It's all a lack of confidence to really own these things that will probably trip me up right now...but I will work on it.

As for my depression. Elkie, I know you are trying to help and I appreciate that, I really do...but I have tried faking it. It's not that simple. It always comes back and bites me. It's extremely difficult for me. I am an actor and even I find it hard to pretend like nothing is wrong. I have a very physical job, and I do exercise but it's only getting worse. I am talking to my GP soon to get talking therapy while I wait for the GIC to offer me an assessment that could take up to two years...that seems like the avenue that'll best help me. I take mental performance supplements, I exercise, I meditate. There's not much more I can do right now without an actual therapist to talk to. Also...I feel I disagree with the idea of frowning. Plus...I hate my smile. It makes me really dysphoric because of my jaw line. It pushes it out...

[warmbody28]

yeah it really just takes time and some personal work. but I can see you transitioning and being very happy with yourself and life.

[Sophia Sage]

Yes, you could pass.

As others said, believing in yourself is huge.  But so is your overall physical presentation -- in particular, having no facial hair, and having a female voice.  These are both time-consuming things.  Hair removal generally takes a good couple of years.  Voice training, for me it took six solid months of practice just to find my voice, and another several months to lock it in. 

A lot of us need facial surgery to pass for more than a brief, casual encounter. 

[warlockmaker]

Passing lookwise, no problem. The features are that of a fitfemale. However passing is only 20% of all you will need to learn. Female body languag, Conversatiin, walk, talk, vocabulary etc. Looks are such a minor part for you. Work on the others.

[Lady Lisandra]

Seems like the jaw is a mayor issue for you... It could be disguised with your hair. Look up for images of Tarja Turunen. 100% cis woman and has a great jaw. That doesn't keep her form looking femenine. Pay attention to how her jaw dissappears with different hairstyles. Also, keep in mind that with hormones, you jawline will get softer and rounder.

[elkie-t]

I don't think her jaw is too bad. And even if it is, that either will correct itself with HRT or FFS will take care of it.

I don't think you truly can cover your jaw with hair, but maybe some good hairstyle might soften the image... we have some hairstylists on this forum , they might advise better


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[Lady Lisandra]

I don't think her jaw is too bad. And even if it is, that either will correct itself with HRT or FFS will take care of it.


I don't think you truly can cover your jaw with hair, but maybe some good hairstyle might soften the image... we have some hairstylists on this forum , they might advise better

It is too bad for her, and that turns it into a problem. What I suggest it not about covering the whole jaw so nobody sees it, it's about creating an illusion.

[Dena]

I suspect the jaw isn't a problem. The image was shot with cell phone on a selfie stick. Cell phones have a wide angle lens that give a fish bowl effect to pictures and in this case, would make the jaw look larger than the more distant rest of the face. Another consideration is the camera is being held very low when it should be held at or a little above the face for a facial shot. Again the low angle will accent the jaw over the rest of the face.