Unsure about my gender identity.

[Kino]

The title says just one of the things I can positively identify as something I am unsure of.
I want to present a list of those things.
Hopefully, the list will grow or shrink as I find more answers, and discover new questions. They are:

1) I am unsure if I identify as cis-male.
2) I am unsure if I have the strength to come out, if it turns out I am transgender, male-to-female.
3) I am unsure of just how much of my femininity I want to display, or embody physically.

There. I said it. I have never said these things to anyone. Ever. Until now.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. If you are transgender, you will know just how feminine you want to be. Remember many CIS women run around in jean, a T shirt with no makeup and are comfortable with that image. Nothing says you have to be a knockout every day.

As for number two. The most difficult thing is coming out to the first person. After that, every person you talk with becomes easer.

Now the important one, the first one. Only you can decide if you are transgender. A gender therapist can be a huge help in working out your issues but for now I have a couple of links you should look at. The first is our WIKI where you can learn a little about being transgender. The second is "the transition channel" where a gender therapist will help you explore your feelings. Ask any questions you might have and we will do our best to answer them.

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[V M]

Hi Kino 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Kino]

Thank you Dena for your thoughtful and swift response. I think just by joining this forum and meeting new people, especially if there as considerate as you, I can learn a lot about myself.

I have a therapist I see regularly, but we never talk about gender. I am too scared to even bring it up with her. Maybe I need to find a gender therapist for this issue.

I think I need to start thinking about the limits of my current comfort zone, and see if I can broaden them ever so slightly. A baby step at a time...It may lead to more answers.

[Dena]

As you already have a therapist, write out a short letter explaining how you feel. At your next therapy session, tell your therapist. If you can't, present the letter instead. You can't deal with your personal issues without telling your therapist the whole story and you haven't done that for far to long. Besides that, if your therapist can't handle your treatment, maybe you will get a recommendation to one who can.

[JulieOnHerWay]

The title says just one of the things I can positively identify as something I am unsure of.
I want to present a list of those things.
Hopefully, the list will grow or shrink as I find more answers, and discover new questions. They are:

1) I am unsure if I identify as cis-male.
2) I am unsure if I have the strength to come out, if it turns out I am transgender, male-to-female.
3) I am unsure of just how much of my femininity I want to display, or embody physically.

There. I said it. I have never said these things to anyone. Ever. Until now.

First, Sweetie, Congratulations on telling us first.  You picked the right place of caring, honest, understanding bunch of weirdos you have ever been around. And a lot of support on your journey to find your answers.
Second, despite being a bunch of weirdos we are caring above all and what you told us will be taken as sincere by you and is as good a starting place as most of us had at the beginning of our journey.  I did not know there was such a word as "cis-male" when I started.
Third,  most non-weirdos don't ask the questions you (we) ask.
Fourth (it was not suppose to be this long), you have set up a logical chronology of questions. We all have a thousand questions and few answers but yours seem to be a great beginning point.  Especially, your first. You need to know that question first or at least comfortable with today's answer. Then you will add 2 more questions that must be answered and can go on to the other questions in order.  The questions will build.  But you are strong and when you are not, remember we are here to help you along.
Finally (OMG thank you, divine creator of choice, she shuts up), join in.  Free associate.  Question. Doubt. Suggest.  Most importantly do not keep us in suspense.  We get cranky.
Julie

[Laurie]

Thank you Dena for your thoughtful and swift response. I think just by joining this forum and meeting new people, especially if there as considerate as you, I can learn a lot about myself.

I have a therapist I see regularly, but we never talk about gender. I am too scared to even bring it up with her. Maybe I need to find a gender therapist for this issue.

I think I need to start thinking about the limits of my current comfort zone, and see if I can broaden them ever so slightly. A baby step at a time...It may lead to more answers.

Hi Kino,

I'm Laurie, and do I ever know that reluctance to tell someone. It is pretty much the first problem I for help with from this place. But first..

  I am Laurie, self appointed unofficial greeter here. Please let me welcome you to Susan's Place ((Hug)) Come on in and sit yourself down somewhere. Yeah yeah that one is okay It's Trudy's. Just watch out for the gum under the seat. As Dena has given you all the pertinent links (they are good to have and read btw) and given you the official welcome already I'll just move right along to the subject. And to me that is the taking the step of telling someone asd asking for help. No I don't mean here. Sure you are reaching out to us for help and we will do all the we can to support you and give you what help we can.
  But no, I'm talking about opening you mouth and telling your therapist. You say you've been talking to them for sometime now and you surely have built a rapport with them by now. You talk to them about many thing that are on your mind that you don't tell everyone else right? Well you trust them. You know they are there to help you, right? Then what is stopping you?  No it isn't  easy. Overcoming fear never is and that my friend is what is holding you back. I know, Many of us know that it is your fear of revealing a dark secret. We my friend  have all been there.
  In my case not only did I have to tell my doctor I thought I was transgender and asl for his help, but I also had to confess I had been taking illegal hormones for 5 weeks. I was afraid of him judging me for being trans and also feared a tongue lashing for taking medications that could very well have been dangerous to me as I have high blood pressure and was also taking an ace inhibitor and a beta blocker. I fretted about whether I should tell him or not and with the help of many here I worked up the courage to tell him at my next scheduled appointment.
  The result was understanding and help. I am not getting my HRT through him and he arranged for me to get gender counseling that I now enjoy. I made up my mind that I needed to be honest with my doctors and have faith in their judgement and counseling. That confession was back in January and today I am full time with the help of my physician, therapist and all my friends I've made here.
  You too can have wonderful results but it has to start with trusting your therapist and being honest with them.

Wish you well Kino and you do have friends here.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Kendra]

Kino I want to congratulate you for asking these questions.  I think you should mark today on the calendar - seriously - and you will understand why in the future when this all gradually becomes easier for you.  I am not necessarily saying which direction you will aim for - that is purely for you to decide. 

My decisions were much easier when I found people here to connect with, to see how and what others have experienced.  By sharing what I have experienced so far in my transition, I have also helped myself. 

We are each unique but have so much in common.

Kendra

[Kino]

Thanks to all for your responses. I'm so glad I posted here. Who knows where my road goes?

One thing is for sure. I'm gathering here that the right next step is to speak to my therapist about my gender identity for the first time and begin getting the professional help that will me find myself. Before today, I was feeling like this was something next to impossible, but I tell you this afternoon I already feel a bit more confident!

I hope to discuss more things with everyone here real soon! Have a great Friday :-)

[Laurie]

Thanks to all for your responses. I'm so glad I posted here. Who knows where my road goes?

One thing is for sure. I'm gathering here that the right next step is to speak to my therapist about my gender identity for the first time and begin getting the professional help that will me find myself. Before today, I was feeling like this was something next to impossible, but I tell you this afternoon I already feel a bit more confident!

I hope to discuss more things with everyone here real soon! Have a great Friday :-)

My Dear Kino,

  You best be discussing how things go with your therapist and anything else that concerns you in your journey. That is what we thrive on. "Inquiring mind want to know" so we can help you where we can and just possibly you sharing what is happening with you might just help someone else.

Hugs,
   Laurie