My mom is worried about the fact that I am a black male

[Brandon]

Well I wouldn't say my mom is fully accepting but she has definitely accepted the fact that, I gotta do what I have to do, my mom knows I have a therapist and she also so knows I will be  starting T real soon. Here's the thing, I am already seen as a black male by society but when the Testostrone starts kicking in obviously it will cause even greater changes and I'll be honest the thought of getting pulled over by a cop scares me, which is my mom's thing, there is alot of police brutality and unfair treatment of people of color going in the world today and not only that I I have had my fair share of experiences with racist people and I understand my moms point but I am obviously not gonna let it stop me but it's still a scary experience and I have to talk to my therapist about it because my mom wants me to but I am afraid he will not understand because he is white, matter of fact I know he won't because it's a whole different experience. Idk it sometimes bugs me and I realize I have to be alot more cautious especially now. Now I present myself in a good manner but I am still the N word to racist white people,  don't say its how you present yourself because, I am tired of hearing that. I guess this is more of a rant in a sense but I don't know how to go about talking to my therapist about that.

[Contravene]

Just because he's white doesn't mean he won't understand. You don't need to be the same race or color as someone to understand their struggles, you just need to have empathy. If your therapist lacks empathy then I suggest you get a new one because a therapist who can't empathize with their clients and help them can't do their job.

[Devlyn]

Your mom is right, Brandon. Statistically you're in for a life with more hurdles put in front of you. But you're transgender, and like all of us you're used to uphill struggles. You're a fighter, and you know that if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Be smart, be safe, and you'll be fine. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[HappyMoni]

Brandon,

   What your Mom fears is a sad reality of our society. You are smart to be cautious and if the therapist doesn't see that, they are probably not helpful to you. I have gotten just a taste of that reality going from white male to trans female. I am also an atheist but that is not visible.  I think you have to live life but you have to be smart about the situations you put yourself in if possible. I have expressed that thought to people I know and they don't get it. I can't say I fully understand your situation, but I do wish you the best. I grew up in the hippy days and back then I had hopes that the hateful attitudes would disappear. I was naive.
Moni

[Kylo]

Aside from racial profiling, males get profiled in general. People did not give me a second look back when I looked female, now they watch me more as if they think I'm more likely to be aggressive or to steal something just by virtue of looking male. You have to accept that aspect and not necessarily put that down to racism.

The racism is becoming more of an issue too. There are people both on the left and the right on the political spectrum determined to create more race issues than we already have. There are people in the UK trying to stoke the fires too. You will just have to be extra vigilant and aware of your surroundings, and try to avoid what looks like trouble.

[CMD042414]

Becoming a black male has its challenges indeed. But I have to be honest I have had absolutely no issues at all. A lot of it has to do with how you carry yourself, demeanor, how you speak and dress etc. If you look and act like a thug you'll be treated as such. Not trying to simplify it or belittle those that have had issues. Just my experience. I'd say the privilege I have gained as a male in a patriarchal society far outweighs the challenge of being black and male.

Having said all of that be careful. With police. With white women. So many little things you have to think about. I was house hunting a year or so ago and my friend is a cis white female. We saw a house for sale as we were walking. She wanted to run up and peek inside the windows. I refused. A black man in a nice suburban area looking into the windows of a house?! Oh hell naw. As I type this I am waiting in my car for a friend to have lunch at a restaurant. I am keen on not doing anything that may be deemed suspicious by the white folks out and about. Stuff I shouldn't have to worry about but I do. Especially in the politcal climate we are in today.

So be smart and ne careful. You'll be just fine.

[Julia1996]

Unfortunately you're right. There is still a lot if racism. My dad has answered calls about suspicious behavior. When he asks what the individual was doing that was suspicious they will say "well he was black and walking real slow through the neighborhood ". I'm not even going to try to say the police don't do racial profiling. It happens a lot. My dad doesn't do it, he's equally suspicious of everyone, but a lot of the officers he knows do. Even officers who are African American themselves!  They call it guilty of driving while black. And Viktor is totally right, males in general do get profiled. Unfortunately people aren't evolved enough to overcome prejudice and hate.
Julia

[Dena]

When dealing with the police, it's always important to be relaxed and respectful. In addition, keep your hand visible and if you are in a car, keep them on the steering wheel until they are needed for something else. As long as an officer knows they are in control of the situation the won't be nervous and as long as they aren't nervous, problems won't occur. These rules apply to me as well so don't feel you are being targeted. Many of the things you read about in the paper were the result of somebody not following these rules causing things to get out of control. The problem is the full story only comes after a detain investigation and often that's not printed in the paper.

[Brandon]

Just because he's white doesn't mean he won't understand. You don't need to be the same race or color as someone to understand their struggles, you just need to have empathy. If your therapist lacks empathy then I suggest you get a new one because a therapist who can't empathize with their clients and help them can't do their job.

Well in all honesty if you have never been through it, you can't speak on it, you can only imagine or place yourself in that persons shoes, which is still hard sometimes at least for me but I can empathize with others and the only thing is, there are only 2 therapist in the city I am from that works with gender so, I'd be stuck there but I am very close to getting my letter, so it wouldn't really be an issue.

[Brandon]

Your mom is right, Brandon. Statistically you're in for a life with more hurdles put in front of you. But you're transgender, and like all of us you're used to uphill struggles. You're a fighter, and you know that if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Be smart, be safe, and you'll be fine. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you I appreciate that and I know I am a fighter, I think all of us have come a long way but I always try my hardest to not out myself in dumb situations. I try to be smart.

[Brandon]

Brandon,

   What your Mom fears is a sad reality of our society. You are smart to be cautious and if the therapist doesn't see that, they are probably not helpful to you. I have gotten just a taste of that reality going from white male to trans female. I am also an atheist but that is not visible.  I think you have to live life but you have to be smart about the situations you put yourself in if possible. I have expressed that thought to people I know and they don't get it. I can't say I fully understand your situation, but I do wish you the best. I grew up in the hippy days and back then I had hopes that the hateful attitudes would disappear. I was naive.
Moni

I get it and that makes since, that's why I don't hang out with people that are bad influences and alot of the reason why I keep to myself but I always try to be smart about who I am with and my surroundings and all that.

[Brandon]

Unfortunately you're right. There is still a lot if racism. My dad has answered calls about suspicious behavior. When he asks what the individual was doing that was suspicious they will say "well he was black and walking real slow through the neighborhood ". I'm not even going to try to say the police don't do racial profiling. It happens a lot. My dad doesn't do it, he's equally suspicious of everyone, but a lot of the officers he knows do. Even officers who are African American themselves!  They call it guilty of driving while black. And Viktor is totally right, males in general do get profiled. Unfortunately people aren't evolved enough to overcome prejudice and hate.
Julia

I wish all the hate would stop, I mean we all bleed red at the end of the day, I never understood it, it's just skin tones that are different and I am glad your dad is equally suspicious of everyone because every race is capable of doing some crazy things and you know I don't think all cops are bad, there are some good ones out there.

[Brandon]

Aside from racial profiling, males get profiled in general. People did not give me a second look back when I looked female, now they watch me more as if they think I'm more likely to be aggressive or to steal something just by virtue of looking male. You have to accept that aspect and not necessarily put that down to racism.

The racism is becoming more of an issue too. There are people both on the left and the right on the political spectrum determined to create more race issues than we already have. There are people in the UK trying to stoke the fires too. You will just have to be extra vigilant and aware of your surroundings, and try to avoid what looks like trouble.

I understand males in general get profiled but it is still harder on African Americans or any of one that's of color but I do see your point and I always try to be aware of my surroundings and what looks like trouble.

[Brandon]

Becoming a black male has its challenges indeed. But I have to be honest I have had absolutely no issues at all. A lot of it has to do with how you carry yourself, demeanor, how you speak and dress etc. If you look and act like a thug you'll be treated as such. Not trying to simplify it or belittle those that have had issues. Just my experience. I'd say the privilege I have gained as a male in a patriarchal society far outweighs the challenge of being black and male.

Having said all of that be careful. With police. With white women. So many little things you have to think about. I was house hunting a year or so ago and my friend is a cis white female. We saw a house for sale as we were walking. She wanted to run up and peek inside the windows. I refused. A black man in a nice suburban area looking into the windows of a house?! Oh hell naw. As I type this I am waiting in my car for a friend to have lunch at a restaurant. I am keen on not doing anything that may be deemed suspicious by the white folks out and about. Stuff I shouldn't have to worry about but I do. Especially in the politcal climate we are in today.

So be smart and ne careful. You'll be just fine.

And see I do try to carry myself in a respectful manner as well as how I speak, so while I agree with that to in extent, you got some people that still don't care how you present. Oh yes I know the rules as far as police goes and I get the dealing with white women thing to. That story kind of funny though but I feel you man, its all about being smart about things.

[Brandon]

When dealing with the police, it's always important to be relaxed and respectful. In addition, keep your hand visible and if you are in a car, keep them on the steering wheel until they are needed for something else. As long as an officer knows they are in control of the situation the won't be nervous and as long as they aren't nervous, problems won't occur. These rules apply to me as well so don't feel you are being targeted. Many of the things you read about in the paper were the result of somebody not following these rules causing things to get out of control. The problem is the full story only comes after a detain investigation and often that's not printed in the paper.

I have to disagree, let's say and officer wanted my licence and registration, see I would have to explain to an officer that I have to grab my wallet d registration to put my hands down without them assuming I am going for a gun, I can't say you would and that's from what I have seen and even then I think the conversations that black parents have with their kids about these things are different from white parents, which goes to show you we live in a messed up world, I have had that talk with my parents and when I have kids I will have to explain that to them and I find it sad that I will have to tell my son, hey some police officers might not like you because of your skin tone or what not or that you are a target. My mom and dad have both told me I am target becaue of my race and black men are targets and its not even just men anymore its the women too. I don't believe that everyone of those people we read about deserved to be killed tbh. They did use accessive force my oppinion but as I have stated I do try to remain smart about the situations I put myself in.

[DawnOday]

My Goddaughter is black. She is also one of the most beautiful people I know. Not physically, although she is stunning. But her heart is beautiful. I met her mother 35 years ago and we have been close ever since. I honestly don't see what the fear is. On top of your being black you have an alternative lifestyle. Unfortunately there are haters of all stripes. I have seen the racial remarks to her and I know them to be untrue but hurtful none the less. But I have also seen it only makes her stronger.  Depend on your inner strength. I am impressed by your quote and so glad you still feel that way. keep working hard and you can get anything you want.    -Aaliyah   You will break down barriers. Maybe a little slower than you desire but it will happen. More than luck I wish you a happy fulfilled life as the person you have struggled to be. Hey, Jesus more than likely had dark skin too. For sure he didn't have blond hair and blue eyes.

All the best
Dawn

[Dena]

I have to disagree, let's say and officer wanted my licence and registration, see I would have to explain to an officer that I have to grab my wallet d registration to put my hands down without them assuming I am going for a gun,

I need to play by the same rules. For all the officer knows, I could be high on drugs or I want to shoot a police officer. If I were in a traffic stop, I would place my keys and wallet on the dash board then place my hands on the wheel and wait for the officer. If I were on the street, I would wait for the officer to ask for my ID, then tell him where it is before going for it. In the end, all the officer wants to do is go home at the end of the day in one piece and if they know they are in control of the situation, they won't do anything that will endanger you.

A bad attitude will get you into trouble when dealing with the police. They have a job to do and if you don't cooperate they will do what is needed to complete their job. You can bet that they know the law better than you do and if they don't, that's for a judge to  decide.

Yes, I know about the beatings and mostly they occurred because the stop was legitimate but things got out of control and the officers went way over the line. In other cases the officers did what they needed to do in order to stay alive. Let the officers do their job and at the end of the day, both of you will go home in one piece.

[stephaniec]

sorry you have to deal with this I really have no answers for you because it can be nasty out there.

[Julia1996]

I need to play by the same rules. For all the officer knows, I could be high on drugs or I want to shoot a police officer. If I were in a traffic stop, I would place my keys and wallet on the dash board then place my hands on the wheel and wait for the officer. If I were on the street, I would wait for the officer to ask for my ID, then tell him where it is before going for it. In the end, all the officer wants to do is go home at the end of the day in one piece and if they know they are in control of the situation, they won't do anything that will endanger you.

A bad attitude will get you into trouble when dealing with the police. They have a job to do and if you don't cooperate they will do what is needed to complete their job. You can bet that they know the law better than you do and if they don't, that's for a judge to  decide.

Yes, I know about the beatings and mostly they occurred because the stop was legitimate but things got out of control and the officers went way over the line. In other cases the officers did what they needed to do in order to stay alive. Let the officers do their job and at the end of the day, both of you will go home in one piece.

Dena is right. I'm obviously not a cop but I can share some things my dad has told me. When a cop pulls someone over they are totally on guard. Keep your hands where they can be seen. Don't reach for anything unless the officer asks you to. You kind of have to think of the situation from the officers point of view. They don't know if someone is going to pull out a gun and blow them away as they approach the car. Lots of police officers have been killed that way. Acting fidgety is going to raise their suspicion.  Being rude and insulting will just make things worse for yourself. Cops are just people. If you piss them off or insult them they will make sure to make things as hard for you as possible. Resisting physically will get you a face full of pepper spray or you will get tazered.
Julia

[jentay1367]

Life is hard and then you die. What you do in between is what will define your existence. Make your way and be mindful of what other men face in every given situation. Make smart decisions and hope for the best. I trust you'll be okay if you follow your heart and use your brain.