So yesterday was the first time I've come out to a cis friend (only other two people I've told are already ftm and mtf). He is my best friend since high school, but usually very conservative. I admitted/talked about my life experiences that have brought me to accept myself as undoubtedly trans (it's been extremely dark times just to get to that internally), the forced sexual experience of adolescence that came about from it, how that made me repress things, just about everything. It was so hard to get those first words out, but then it flowed.
I was blown away by his compassion and unconditional love and telling me people would drop out of my life but to hell with them. When he said he wanted me and my family (well, my daughter anyhow if my wife ends up divorcing me) to really still be a part of his new family and live our lives together even with that news, it changed everything inside of me. He told me my daughter would learn about loving people who are different, not that I'd be messing her up. He even let me know some of my neighbors who he knows much better than I from longer friendships would embrace me if that was my choice. He even asked me to talk to my priest because they are likely to be more accepting than I think (we'll see). I told him later in the day that he had given me another much needed reason to want to live and he told me there are many people who need you around. Unconditional love is so hard to find in this world and I'm so happy to have it in our friendship.
He's already my best friend, and one of my only male friends, and the only friend who he and I say 'I love you' to. This has been the deepest I've ever felt the love of friendship, where someone accepted the person who I thought everyone would reject and hate. Thank God my first experience didn't go anything like I thought it would.
<3 Mariah
