Hello and thanks!

[gladys]

Hi all,

I am coming out at the moment to people in my everyday life so I guess this should be pretty straightforward.

Life is very complicated at the moment. A great deal is in flux. My marriage has come to an end, my current job/contract will be up soon, and I'm early-to-mid transition. I feel like I have passed quite a few milestones already, but still have a long way to go. Most of the internal anxiety and confusion has faded. Well, it's way, way better than it was anyways. Privately living as a gal has been tremendulently wonderful. But.....I am starting to deal with reality more directly, i.e., everything outside my tiny little safe bubble that I  have made for myself - and I am finding it hard.

But! I have recently begun work with a counsellor. And coming out to my family hasn't quite been the wholesale apocalypse that I expected. And my separation/divorce situation is really about as good as I think it could possibly be. I am very sad that it was necessary as we had built a decent life together over about 20 years. But...the only constant is change.

I do spend most of the time feeling as if I am on very, very thin ice. (So I've ditched the high heels at the moment!) I live in the UK, in a mostly rural region, so even going to the store is a bit of a testing experience. It's very zen though, coming to grips with the lack of control I have over other peoples reactions. "Acceptance". So easy to say. So hard to do.

I guess this has turned into more of a stream of conciousness introduction, so I will be brief as I really don't know anyone here yet, but basically the above is my situation. I wanted to say thanks as well as hello as it was a number of threads here on Susan's that actually helped my crystallize certain intentions I had. The atmosphere is positive as well, which really helps.

Looking forward to sharing and continuing to learn from other's experiences here.

Best regards and hugs,

Gladys

[Devlyn]

Hi Gladys, welcome to Susan's Place! You sound like you have a good grip on things. Get busy posting and I'll see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Kendra]

Hi Gladys,

Sorry to hear your marriage is ending, that is never easy but sounds like yours is ending peacefully.  I haven't told my ex-wife I am transgender (we divorced 18 years ago), she is a great person and I will probably just go see her after I am full-time.  I am not on that thing called Facebook, so she has no idea. 

You mentioned high heels.  I purchased my first set of women's shoes while traveling in Toronto, shiny black high heeled pumps.  I wear that type of shoe very rarely, less than one percent of the time... as I have become more comfortable in my transition I have found comfort is more of a factor.  My main shoes these days are women's sandals that are almost flat, I also wear them with male clothing (I haven't transitioned at the office yet) a discrete female brand with an almost gender-neutral fit and appearance.  I also have several moderate and medium-lift heeled sandals that are very comfortable (Clark's brand).  If I were to arrange my women's shoes in sequence of purchase you would see them start out high and end up pretty low - as my confidence went in the other direction.

Kendra

[gladys]

Thanks Kendra!

Sorry for taking so long to get back you 

I will take note of your advice regarding heels - I think I am already beginning to see a similar pattern. Actually, probably the next thing I will try to find will be a decent pair of flats! Nice that you found a gender neutral pair.

[Jailyn]

Gladys, nice to meet you!!! I am also newly out to everyone and have been dressing as myself in public for a month. I feel that same feelings as you that walking on eggshells in public. I get some very positive experiences then I get the negative ones of where they stare, straight avoid me, or I hear them talk bad about me jokingly. Which is shame in an age where it is accepting to be whatever you want to be without shame. I have learned quickly to ignore the negatives and focus on the outings that are positive. Yes, as you have more positive experiences the anxiety subsides and leaves. I have found this too. Any introduction is good on here and welcome again!!!!!

[Laurie]

Hi again Glydis,

  I'm glad to see you here and giving us a bit more to go on to help us know you better. I'm also sorry to hear your marriage is dissolving, unfortunately a lot of our wives choose not to continue at our sides though we desperately want them to. My own marriage lasted just short of our 21st anniversary. At the time I only knew may crossdressing to be a part of or breakup. There was much more to it though. Mostly my bad behavior towards her along with drug abuse and alcoholism. I believe now most of my problems stem from my dysphoria, but I didn't even know of the word then. I now believe her leaving me was the best thing she could have done for herself at them time. It was hard, very hard.
   Coming out is also another hard thing to do, but my friend, it does get easier and it does get better. I am glad you sought out help from a therapist, for right now you can use a bit of guidance from someone that is detached from your situation, someone that has your best interest in mind, and someone you can just talk to that will help you with decisions you will have to make. Acceptance of who you are and what you are doing will come in time. No need to rush things.

  You know we are here for you when you need to talk or ask questions. I am available to you via PM if you need to talk more privately.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[tgirlamg]

Welcome aboard Gladys!!!


I hear in your words the determination and thought patterns that will allow you to make a success of your choices!!!... Amazing things lay ahead for you sister.... There will be hurdles but you have the council of many experienced hurdle jumpers here!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!


Ashley

[coldHeart]

Hi Gladys
Welcome to the mad mad of transitioning, your post echo's my live to a tee, like you I am living full time at home ( some times I'm brave enough to go outside ) but living in a very rural village its hard at times.
At last i am comfortable with my self & getting on with my ex wife pretty good, so if you every need a chat message me.
BTW I'm am in the uk as well.
Sara x