Why?: Men prefer younger partners, women want close to age

[Wild Flower]

I'm dating/seeing people for a relationship, but I noticed a very strong trend that women generally date around 5-10 years close to their age. Men will date all the way to 20, no matter how old the man is.

I have no issues with dating much older people, I dated plenty of men who are much older...

But why aren't there more Madonnas out there? Is it because dating a younger man/person for a woman is controversial??? If they are not looking to raise a family, and just want a romantic partner why do women have a strong preference to not leave their age group?

Don't get me started on height.

[natalie.ashlyne]

I have dated women 20 years older than my self. I have always dated women older than me whether it be 3 years to 20 years older.

[JMJW]

Cos of menopause probably.

[JoanneB]

Men are attracted to shiny things
Women like to talk and talking to a ditzy guy can be painful for an older woman.

Not that I am in any way a "Typical" guy, but both my ex wife and current wife (nearly 40 years since we first dated) are older then me. Just my ex-fiancee was younger by about 6 years but far older in life experiences 

[Lady Sarah]

I have come across several young guys looking for a milf. Unfortunately for them, I am not a cougar. An aunt of mine married a man 30 years her elder. I don't think there are any set rules for dating, just preferences.

[Bari Jo]

Hmm, when I date men, I only want them older.  For women it could go either way...

[rose]

I prefer younger guys than me I'm in my mid 20's and I like the ones in their early 20's
But Let me tell you this

EVERYONE around me are narrow mind and very stereotype including my trans friends criticism me for my preference telling me I should go for older or close to my age
I stopped telling people that I like younger guys

There is exceptions of course

Plus i got raped and molested by older guys which gave me phobia from them

The irony is Guys can be with WAY younger girls than them but when girl do it they immediately shaming her and calling her names like cougar

[Kylo]

Are you asking the reason they do it or the reason it's controversial?

If you're asking why it's seen as controversial, that would probably be because people suspect a much older partner with a younger one might be taking advantage of the younger one. This is a more recent attitude. Historically it wasn't that rare for larger age differences in marriage, especially of older men to younger women, because society valued men for the capital and status they may have and women for their reproductive capacity; an older man was likely to have accrued more wealth or respect over time than a younger man, and a younger woman was probably seen as being more fertile/fecund than an older one. Biological roles influencing culture, basically.

But I notice the controversy about age goes both ways now. You can be an older woman and people will think if you're dating a younger man you're messing around and not serious about it or he is a "boy toy". If you're an older man dating a younger woman, people will also think you're not serious about it, or are creepy, or taking advantage. My personal experience of having a serious partner for 10 yrs who happened to be 6 years younger than me is that yeah, people think it's mildly controversial. They assumed I was taking advantage, which I would never do. While I don't think this should be enough to put someone off love, it sure is annoying to deal with it from friends, family or complete strangers alike. Maybe it's enough to put some women off doing it.

I usually see women I know going for guys who are the same age or up to about 4-6 years older than they are if they are looking to settle. There are a few exceptions, but I guess it may have to do with them preferring men who have stable jobs and are less flaky. If they are just looking for some fun, I've seen them care far less about the age of the guy.

[chastitydomme]

In my life experience many men are more into aesthetics, trophies IE male posturing etc.

Women are into depth and security, they ultimately want a partner to converse with who is almost/or is an equal.
So a gap of 20 years is tough to bridge experience wise.
This is why you see such a low attendance of cis or trans women at play parties, they want more then just sex.

Sexually as a male ages, he also needs more eye candy to get the motor going, more excitement.

As a side note, sorry to digress
As we evolve as Social Animals one would hope gender age and race all meld into one, but we mustn't forget that  several hundred years ago we were fighting to survive and didn't have the time to dwell on these social nuisances. So we are programmed to mate with what we would perceive as being good mates.

[rose]

I just wanted to say Girls care about the look too in fact all of my transgirl friends are very sallow one left many guys because their look and heigh

The same girl was salty with me because I told her I like younger feminine guys
She insist I should get manly older guys

[emoji58] she completely ignore the fact that she is straight and I'm not and our types in partners are different

[chastitydomme]

As far as your personal life is concerned, stick with your individualism, don't let your friends turn you against your values.

If the conversation gets to heated, learn the art of redirecting the subject, so you can maintain your dignity without getting into a pissing contest.


My references were "norm" based.

But be fore-warned, try to keep your personal life/individualistic ideas out of the work place, men and women are very caddy. They will pull you down, just for their great moment in the lime light.
This piece advice will be handy the rest of your life.

[josie76]

Kinda like Victor said, biologically speaking, men have an instinct to impregnate as many fertile women as possible in their lifetime. They see youth as being especially fertile.

Women tend to look for mates who can be there to raise the children. So stability in finance and society are important factors not just physical appearance. Women develop strong bond and need a man they can stand to be around for a lifetime. Men put up with their spouse but never stop looking at the younger women around them.

This is at least the basic idea of how instinctual drives work deep inside our subconscious. This doesn't mean it applies equally to everyone. But it does represent a pattern that is observable in almost every culture on our planet.

[Raell]

There's a reason for that..studies show that men who marry younger women live longer, but women who marry younger men die earlier deaths. Women live the longest when they marry men close to their ages.

The studes show that "the optimum strategy for a man wanting a long lifespan is to marry a much younger wife. Meanwhile the female optimum is to seek a man born within 12 months of her date of birth."

Men live longer when they marry younger spouses. Why don't women? https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/mar/31/women-marrying-younger-men-dying-earlier-research?CMP=share_btn_tw

[JMJW]

COs the older woman would nag at the young man to the point where they'd both die early of stress!
 

[Julia1996]

This is kind of interesting to me. I've seen beautiful young women with a totally old guy. I mean like over 65. I always wonder what the woman sees in a man that old. And I'm not trying to offend or bash anyone in their 60s or anything. I just wonder what they could have in common. And I like really doubt the sex could be good. It's weird to me. But I have noticed most women have older husbands. My parents are both the same age. 38. But they were involved way back in high school. I don't have a problem dating older guys. My boyfriend is 25. I've seen guys in their late 30s who are still really hot. I wouldn't have a problem dating a younger guy either. But right now if the guy was any younger than a year I would get in trouble for like statutory rape.
Julia

[coldHeart]

A lot of younger women with much older guys..money, but not all!

[BlueJaye]

I'm not sure what the answer to this is. When I was seeking a wife I always liked women who were older than me. I ended up marrying my wife who is almost 5 years older than I am.

[Devlyn]

This seems like painting with a broad brush and has little basis in fact. I can say that because I googled it. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Raell]

In reference to the study where women with younger men mates die early deaths, while men with younger women live longer (https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/mar/31/women-marrying-younger-men-dying-earlier-research?CMP=share_btn_tw),  I can't help wondering how that works where people are transgender, or mixed gender.

For instance, some on this forum mention having opposite results in romance-males preferring older women, women liking younger men, but those people are also transgender, so wonder how that works when gender is mixed, or reversed.

I'm on the asexual spectrum-not sexually attracted to anyone although I'm also panromantic, but I seem to relate to people almost my exact age. Yet, whenever I chose a romantic partner, it was as a female. My male side seems attracted to women of all ages.

On the other hand, I hang with people of all ages, races, sexual orientation, etc. as casual friends. I only seem to care about their energy and common interests. 

[Ryuichi13]

When I was pretending to be female, I tended to be attracted to men younger than me for the most part.  In my previous relationship, I was 9 years older than my ex.

But now that I'm transitioning, I'm the young'un in the relationship by 7 years.  After almost three years together, my genderfluid boyfriend (he has to present as female due to his job) is finally starting to call me his partner to his co-workers.

I guess I'm the "eye candy" even though I'm in my mid-50s! [emoji23]

Ryuichi

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