Did any of you thought you were transsexual at first?

[Charlie Nicki]

So I am a biological male and 4 months ago I started my transition completely convinced that I wanted to be girl, since that's been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I even started taking hormones.

Well recent events have made me reconsider how far I want to go. I'm not sure I want to transition at all anymore, I'm even thinking about quitting hormones (it's only been a couple of months and I still look male) and exploring other variants in the trans spectrum such as queer to see if that feels better for me. Just keep presenting and living as a  gay man yet doing small things that help break the masculine image a bit, like dressing a bit more fun and maybe androgynous and having long hair but still presenting as male. I was basically forcing myself to go at full speed for my transition (since in my mind I could only look 100% male or female) but now I think I want to take a step back and explore other options.

Thoughts? Any similar experiences?


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[Anne Blake]

When I first recognized a disconnect with my gender identity I played with the idea of gender fluid. I could not conceive of transitioning at the time. I had a friend that lives happily switching from one gender pole to the other with no urge to choose or live at only one end. This felt comfortable to me for a month or two until I realized that all of the time I was presenting female I was loving it and felt truly at home and every time I dressed male I was existing there but not thriving. This continued until it became clear that I was only cross dressing as a male while being totally woman inside. My friend is happy in their fluid identity though I personally do not know any others that do not wish or hope for the time that they will be able to fully live at just one end of the spectrum. Good luck at finding who you need to be, even if that manifests in multiple identities or presentations.

Anne

[Averyel]

I don't really think of myself as transitioning to female. I already am a woman, after all. For me, hormones are simply my second puberty, and whatever form my body takes as a result of them is just, y'know, my body - one that I hope is quite androgynous, perhaps leaning towards femininity.

It's okay to be complex and not fit into boxes. Don't transition further than you want to. Being in the middle is the hardest place to be, but being something you're not can be even harder.