Concerns with transitioning while overweight

[CaptFido87]

Hey all.

So long story short, Depressions been kicking my behind for the last month nearly. I'm just incredibly stressed out and have a million different things running through my head. That all said, the big concern is my weight. This morning I clocked in at 266.4 lbs. its honestly frightening to me. I've only hit this weight range a few times in my life and its destroying me. I want to lose the weight and start transitioning, but I'm afraid of what I might get. I worry that a doctor isn't going to want to help me due to weight or that i'm not ever going to lose the weight and will be stuck in a constant state of despair. I just don't know what to do. I have been trying all sorts of diets, but they all ultimately fail. I have a tough work schedule and my friends all want to party every weekend. I work real late and than I get starving and tired when I get home and just chow down on whatever I can eat. These factors are causing my weight to never go down. What am I supposed to do? I hang with my friends and feel lonely. I feel like my family just doesn't care for me, so I distance myself from them. Works been a constant state of stress and pain. Even my therapist seems to make a ton of excuses to not see me. I just want to start transitioning, but Idk what to do. I don't know if being overweight can affect my chances of getting hormones or not. I'm just so scared and alone. I really just need to know some answers. Has anyone else ever been in this same situation? Anyone have any advice? Anyone care? sighs.

[Dayta]

I have been trying all sorts of diets, but they all ultimately fail.

This is the common thread among all diets is that they fail.  No diet has been shown to be consistently successful over time and across wide populations.  Now, that's not to say no one can be successful, there are obviously people who have been.  But no one can prove or should say that "I did this and if you do it you'll lose weight."  Overweight itself is not necessarily an indicator of health, although relatively quick and unexpected changes may be cause for concern.  Your weight should not be an impediment to medical treatment, although it sometimes is.  I certainly wouldn't stop working toward your transition goals simply because of your weight.  You may want to think about the combination of diet and exercise (diet meaning what you eat, not some specific regimen), and establish fitness goals independent of whether or not you decide to pursue transition. 

My rule of thumb is that one should be first and foremost doing healthy things, like eating more unadulterated, unprocessed foods, primarily vegetables and fruits, with complementary and generally smaller portions of proteins, fats and carbohydrates.  Your particular ecosystem may thrive more on one ratio of macronutrients than someone else, and you may have constraints, such as allergies or sensitivities that could further inform your food choices. Fitness goals may include a desire to be stronger, more agile, more flexible, have more endurance.  All of these are valid choices you might make, depending upon your particular goals.  If you are being told to do un-healthy things in order to achieve a "healthy weight," I'd personally be wary. 

Another thought is that if you decide to continue with your transition, there may be no better boost to your physical and mental health than to be able to relax and live your life as your authentic self.  I can report on my own experience , where I have achieved a level of calm and serenity that is almost certainly improving my overall health. 

Good luck with your journey, and don't be satisfied with "no" from your health providers, if you have any flexibility.  Find doctors that treat you in the way you want, after all, you're the customer, don't forget. 

Erin

[Dena]

I currently live in fat heaven. I am surrounded by fast food places, two grocery stores and possibly 3 sit down restaurants . I would be most likely to do fast food if I needed a quick meal. Instead, I make measured meals in small storage containers then freeze them. In addition, I have other food like salads I can fix if I want to spend more time on dinner. If I want a frozen container, I just defrost it in the microwave then heat it. I could transfer it to the refrigerator the night before and it would be ready for heating the following day. It's not that much work because I can make 6 or more servings in the time it would take to make one.

The trick is to have the right food in the correct portion size ready to go. When your meal isn't planed, it's easy to over eat.

[gv2002]

I'm quitting smoking, and feel the need to eat! That said, I eat small meals!
Try small things, limit sugar, try and stop eating corn syrup!
The average American eats 160 lb of sugar! Watch your starch too! When you eat sugars your probably needing micro nutrients! Make informed decisions on eating! I have finally made it to the weight I want to be from 200 lb! You will probably feel hungry but all diets are not the same!
When I need to feel full I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with watermelon or banana with some fruit!
Making good choices that help make you feel good!
While your with friends try to eat trail mix that you make!
Don't drink soda except for a few times a week!
It took me two years to drop 45 lb! If you have not lost 20 lb each year before the holiday season you probably will add weight for the year!
Transitioning is your choice!
Depression is a choice too! Little by little work on weight loss and forgive your self if you fail! I have failed many times! But I also have won more because I actively try each day! Exercise is something you also fail at but girl inside of you wants out so let her out!
Make two or three meal at a time!
Limit the sugar! Try your best to stop eating corn syrup because your body does not recognize it as food so you just keep eating! Don't eat mindlessly! Try and eat as many herbs.
I cycle through different herbs for micro nutrition!
Again, plan meals and don't eat mindlessly! Good luck


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[Artesia]

I will answer the question about overweight and HRT, everyone already has got the diet stuff.

I am currently 264.4Lbs.  I started HRT at around 284Lbs.  They were concerned with starting HRT for me because at age 40 I had a stent placed.  Prior to starting HRT I was 310Lbs or so.  Losing weight on HRT is harder, but you should be able to start HRT while overweight.

[zirconia]

Hi, CaptFido

I worry that a doctor isn't going to want to help me due to weight or that i'm not ever going to lose the weight and will be stuck in a constant state of despair.

It sounds like where weight is concerned you're afraid of two things

• a doctor not wanting to treat you because of excess weight, and
• not being able to lose it regardless of whether you do get treatment.

I have been trying all sorts of diets, but they all ultimately fail. I have a tough work schedule and my friends all want to party every weekend. I work real late and than I get starving and tired when I get home and just chow down on whatever I can eat. These factors are causing my weight to never go down. What am I supposed to do?

If I understand this correctly, you've found it hard to stay on the diets you've tried because of work stress induced binge eating at night and the need to go along with your friends on weekends. Correct?

I hang with my friends and feel lonely. I feel like my family just doesn't care for me, so I distance myself from them. Works been a constant state of stress and pain. Even my therapist seems to make a ton of excuses to not see me.

So you feel alone and unsupported even when with your friends and family? It also sounds like you get home late enough that everyone else has already eaten. It sounds like even if you feel lonely with your friends, it's better than being with your family. That must be hard. Are you afraid your friends will leave you if you don't join them on weekends?

I just want to start transitioning, but Idk what to do. I don't know if being overweight can affect my chances of getting hormones or not.

Where hormones are concerned, I'd guess your overall health will probably matter more than your weight alone. Where genital reassignment surgery is concerned, the doctors I know will consider the patient's body mass index. I know it's stressful to not know for sure beforehand.

I'm just so scared and alone. I really just need to know some answers. Has anyone else ever been in this same situation? Anyone have any advice? Anyone care? sighs.

It must be hard—your message really seems to deal with much more than just weight issues.

I've not been in the same situation, but I do have a friend who sort of was. What finally forced him to make permanent changes in his eating habits was the news that he'd have to either start taking insulin or eventually go blind. For him both options were unacceptable, so he initially cut all carbohydrates including alcohol from his diet and lost about twenty pounds the first month. Several months later his doctor told him that he was as healthy, safe and stable as someone once diagnosed with diabetes can be.

Everyone who reads or replies here does care. You are not alone.

[CaptFido87]

Hey everyone. Thanks for the replies so far.

I'll try to take all of the advice for the weight loss and start making some changes. I do actually eat somewhat healthy during the day and typically keep my calorie intake to around the 2000 mark; which is what my weight loss app recommended. My main problem is just over eating at night and snacking on the wrong stuff. This new diet I'm starting is going to heavily cut out breads and dairy. I feel those are 2 of my harder categories that get abused.

@Artesia great job so far on the weight loss. It gives me hope that I too can lose the weight. Also it brings some encouragement that I can start hormones while being overweight. That's the big concern at the moment. Is being afraid I won't get the chance to be me.

@zirconia you really are a great friend.  You are quite right about the lonely unsupported part. I am very afraid of losing my friends. They "say" they are fine with me being transgender, but there's a difference between saying you're going to transition and actually doing it. In their eyes, I'm still their guy friend who just feels differently; But how will they actually react when I start psychically looking different. I just feel like they will change their minds when it does happen and leave me. It's so very hard. Honestly I feel like my friends have all of these parties and outings so they can keep me in check. I'm in heavy debt now, and by keeping me spending money, it makes it harder for me to spend money on hormones. Just makes me feel like that's their plan to prevent me from doing anything rash. I could be wrong, hopefully I am.

Yea there's a lot of issues on my mind. Some I don't even know where to start at. I mentioned that I've been seeing a therapist, but at this point it's like once a month. She's had some family issues for the past few months which have made things difficult, but that's only been like half of it. When she cancels 6-10 times in a row for every meeting it gets incredibly difficult. It's just so hard to get anywhere.

It's just hard you know. Thanks all for caring about me


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[zamber74]

Incorporate popcorn into your diet.  I know that sounds really simple, almost too simple    Buy an air popcorn popper, and low calorie popcorn kernels, some butter flavored zero calorie cooking spray, and powdered flavoring of your choice.  This is what I always use to hold back huge cravings, and it does a good job.  I just ate a lot of popcorn, and am completely stuffed, and will be for a few hours, and it cost me less than 400 calories, even less considering I could not finish the bowl.  It is something like 31 calories in a cup of popped popcorn, the cooking spray is 0, and the flavoring is not too much either.  The spray is important, because without it all of that flavoring just falls off the popcorn, and it adds a bit of flavor and juicy goodness to the popcorn.

Remember this, just because you are on a diet, does not mean you have to feel hungry all of the time.  Find substitutions that will fill you up, but have less calories.  Instead of popcorn, I could have had a slice of pizza with more calories, and felt a lot more hungry.  Look for things like shirataki noodles, mix in some veggies, always eat a salad before your meal, and so on. 

I've really been pushing myself, and eat about 800 to 900 calories a day while remaining relatively satisfied.  I mean it, the popcorn helps out a lot. 

When I used to go on diets, I would just cut my portion size down and quit every time because I still felt hungry, that is the wrong way to go about this, don't leave yourself feeling starved especially if you are feeling depressed.  Also, get an app like myFitnessPal, and keep track of your calories.

266 pounds is not that bad, don't let that number make you even more depressed.

[Deborah]

The diet advise is good and if you are now eating around 2000 cal a day you're probably not in any danger of messing up your metabolism.

A couple of things that have worked well for me in the past is elimination of all added sugar and all grain.  That leaves mostly only real food left to eat which is a lot healthier anyway.

You also might want to consider low carb, <100g a day or <50g a day for faster results.  If you do that then don't be afraid of eating fat.  It is your friend.  Intermittent fasting might also be of benefit.

The thing that has always been my fallback though is simply maintaining a pretty high level of physical fitness and working out a lot.  Fortunately I enjoy it.  It takes some time, months, to get there but eventually I always get to the point that weight loss is no longer a problem.  Rather it is eating enough to keep from losing more weight.


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[VeronicaLynn]

Incorporate popcorn into your diet.  I know that sounds really simple, almost too simple    Buy an air popcorn popper, and low calorie popcorn kernels, some butter flavored zero calorie cooking spray, and powdered flavoring of your choice.  This is what I always use to hold back huge cravings, and it does a good job.  I just ate a lot of popcorn, and am completely stuffed, and will be for a few hours, and it cost me less than 400 calories, even less considering I could not finish the bowl.  It is something like 31 calories in a cup of popped popcorn, the cooking spray is 0, and the flavoring is not too much either.  The spray is important, because without it all of that flavoring just falls off the popcorn, and it adds a bit of flavor and juicy goodness to the popcorn.

Remember this, just because you are on a diet, does not mean you have to feel hungry all of the time.  Find substitutions that will fill you up, but have less calories.  Instead of popcorn, I could have had a slice of pizza with more calories, and felt a lot more hungry.  Look for things like shirataki noodles, mix in some veggies, always eat a salad before your meal, and so on. 

I was almost 300 pounds when I joined this site about 4 years ago and my plan was to get down to at least below 200 before I started HRT. I've been stalled out at around 225 for the last year and a half or so.

Very interesting about the popcorn. I'm going to try that. My biggest problem is my stomach rumbles quite loudly if I don't eat enough and won't stop. I think I stretched it out quite a bit when I was younger and had much higher metabolism I could eat a whole pizza by myself and not gain weight, so I often did. But yeah, what you fill it up with doesn't have to be high calorie. I lost most of the weight eating mostly big stir frys with lots of vegetables and some chicken, and little or no carbs.

[zamber74]

Very interesting about the popcorn. I'm going to try that. My biggest problem is my stomach rumbles quite loudly if I don't eat enough and won't stop. I think I stretched it out quite a bit when I was younger and had much higher metabolism I could eat a whole pizza by myself and not gain weight, so I often did. But yeah, what you fill it up with doesn't have to be high calorie. I lost most of the weight eating mostly big stir frys with lots of vegetables and some chicken, and little or no carbs.

The stuff is amazing!  I'm still full from eating it from my last post, and only ate half the bowl.  I hope it helps you out

[zamber74]

I did a little more research on my non stick spray, and come to find out - it is not 0 calories, it is a gimmick the companies use to sell their product.  The butter oil I have been using, is soy bean oil based, at 6 oz.  From what I see on a quick search, 6 oz of generic soy bean oil is equal to 1500 calories, and I have been spraying quite a bit on my popcorn  

I hate when companies do that.  I did not feel right giving out the popcorn advice with cooking spray oil if that is the case.  I'm thinking of either just switching over to plain popcorn, or finding something to mist it with to hold the powders. 

Just wanted to come back and mention that, as to not lead any of you astray.  I've probably been adding three to four hundred calories to my bowls of popcorn.

[Kendra]

When she cancels 6-10 times in a row for every meeting it gets incredibly difficult. It's just so hard to get anywhere.

I think you know what you need to do regarding a therapist.  For your sake, please find one that is qualified and has time to meet with you. 

Dieting.  I am not fond of that word because a diet implies something temporary.  I had my yo-yo attempts starting shortly after puberty (when I didn't understand other underlying issues) until I made some permanent lifestyle changes. 

Questions I asked myself included:
- Am I in any way obligated to eat and drink what my friends decide? 
  (And if they give me a hard time what does that tell me about them.)
- Am I more careful with car maintenance than my own body, and which of the two needs to last longer?
- When did the human body evolve to be 60% carbonated soda with chemical sweeteners?
- What precisely is in sausage?

I haven't had a hamburger since the mid 1990s, or a hot dog, or bacon, or sausage.  I had my last sip (or chug) of alcohol in 2003 and discovered that change made it much easier to keep the weight off.  I previously ate late at night to help reduce the inevitable rough morning that followed partying, which in my case was a euphemism for pouring stuff through my liver and then waiting for it to forget long enough to do it again. 

What do I miss?  Well I sure don't miss the 16 inches (40cm) from my waist.  I can run three miles (5k) faster than some pretty athletic people half my age.  I saved a bunch of money I previously spent on party liquids, party junk food and party supplies which included hangover medicine.  I have better friends and now realize some of my former party-friends were really just acquaintances seeking addictive substances to share.  If I am hungry I always drink pure water along with eating and know my brain takes roughly 20 minutes to figure out I just ate something.  After figuring out my body is supposed to contain 60% water I drink a lot of it - pure water.

I'm just relating some things that worked for me.  You may be different, but this did have the nice side effect of setting the stage to make my transition easier.  I didn't go on a diet - I needed a lot more than that.

Kendra

[Jenny94]

Hi OP, it looks like you're MTF, in which case I can suggest a couple of things that may be totally unhelpful/irrelevant, but.....

I've never been overweight, but as a guy, I ate like some $%^&ing monster: I would eat until I was totally full and then some. And basically, as a generalisation (!), women don't do that. There's a wonderful trans youtuber called Jordan who explained that doing the transition thing, we need to make changes to the way we eat, which we will stick to for the rest of our lives: eat until you are content, not overly full, and then don't eat again until you are hungry; if you get peckish between meals, have a banana; eat cereal and yoghurts and things; and eat slower. I've implemented these things into the way I eat and they've all made me feel better, more feminine, and naturally my weight has dropped a little bit; and, crucially, my stomach has shrunk, which helps my figure. Now, this isn't all relevant to you, and maybe you know it all already, and I'm not an expert; but hopefully parts of what I'm saying are helpful.

It's also worth saying, further to the bit about "things we can stick to for the rest of our lives" - don't be too strict. If, like me, you like a drink, you might not wanna cut out alcohol completely from your life: so, drink white wine, or gin with sugarfree lemonade - not beer. There are similar examples of stuff that I can't think of right now.

Oh! And if like many people, you've always considered going vegetarian, then for God's sake do it, it feels great and filters out a lot of crap

Good luck! Inbox me if you want to chat about dieting, because I've done a lot of it in my life and it's not so great...!

L x

[CarlyMcx]

Park your car and use a bicycle to get around -- or walk.

[Cailan Jerika]

When it comes down to it, the only thing that really matters is the number of calories you eat vs the number of calories you burn. It really doesn't even matter if you eat healthy or eat pre-processed crap.

A recent study was done nicknamed the "Twinkie Diet" or the "Convenience Store Diet" in which the participants in the study were only allowed to eat what they could find in a typical convenience store, including snack cakes, beef jerky, sodas, whatever, though they also were allowed (encouraged!) to also make use of the protein shakes you can buy there. The only other rule was a strict calorie limit, different for each person according to their height/weight/sex/weight loss needs, 1200 to 1800 calories per person.

At the end of the 6-month study, the participants lost an average of 30 pounds.

The study stresses that this is NOT a healthy diet. It only proved that weight loss is in no way dependant on *quality of foods* eaten by the person who wants to lose weight.

That said, I've lost nearly 100 pounds in the last year, using CICO (calories in, calories out) and I found I lose weight faster when I reduced carbs of ALL KINDS (no such thing as a good carb!) to about 20 percent of my diet, and eat a diet high protein and fat, limiting myself to 1500 calories per day. I eat mostly meat and vegetables, with regularly scheduled treats, such as a chocolate truffle or a danish or a bowl of cereal. Fruit is REALLY high in carbs/sugar, and is reserved for a treat. On an average day I eat cheesecake for breakfast, bacon wrapped chicken and a cupcake for lunch, and pork with stir fry (a mix of cabbage, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower, squash or whatever I have) cooked in butter.

There are two keys to this diet. 1) measure *everything* to the ounce. Don't ever try to guess, and don't ever assume the package is right about how much a single item weighs (especially with sausages or hamburgers or slices of bread, it's usually wrong!). Weigh it yourself. 2) Do not eat ANYTHING unless it's already been weighed and logged. And once you're out of calories, that's it. Nothing more, no matter how hungry you are or how loudly that last chocolate cupcake is calling your name. It's about self-control.

And it's forever. The moment you stop "dieting" you will gain the weight right back. You don't have to stay on the lower calories limit, but you pretty much have to count calories the rest of your life. Eventually you start to learn how many calories you can eat eyeballing it, but you need to monitor your weight at least weekly, to make sure it doesn't creep up without you noticing again.

[Stevie]

  At one time I was 385 lbs, I have lost over 200 lbs. Diets do not work you need to change how you live.  You can have carbs, just eat whole grains, you can have sugar just not refined sugar you can use honey or molasses sparingly.
Do not use food as a reward, just because you managed to lose 5 lbs does not mean you can have a milk shake, use other things as rewards for reaching incremental goals.
Do something that you always wanted to do instead of using food as a reward.  As I lost weight  I rewarded myself with  things like getting my ears pierced, or starting electrolysis, with the final goal of starting HRT once I lost 200 lbs.
Also as I lost the weight when I bought new clothes they were women's  my entire wardrobe switched. I was full time before I started HRT as a result of this.  Amazing thing was I was  happier and more socially outgoing as a marginally passable trans woman than I ever was being seen as an overweight man.

Steph

[Bari Jo]

I was never super large, but did always eat a lot to be a man.  I ended up about 35 lbs overweight.  I tried many diets, and while they worked when I was on them I hated them.  Then I'd gain it back as soon as I was off.  Instead, I changed lifestyle and limited my portion size.  I still eat the food I love, but half of what I used to eat.  Yes, it is painful and you are hungry sometimes.  What calms my stomach is hot tea, plus it gives me the caffeine I crave.  While you do this, start taking walks.  They don't have to be long, just longer than you normally would have.  Gradually make them longer till about two plus miles. Every morning weigh yourself, at the same time, say before you shower.  If you see ounces coming off, it's an affirmation.  If you don't it's incentive to work harder.  I'm nearly down 30 lbs now, and then it'll be 5 more to get to my ideal for my height.

Oh, as mentioned, reward yourself with transitional goals.  I am always looking forward to my next goal!

[Roll]

Incorporate popcorn into your diet.  I know that sounds really simple, almost too simple    Buy an air popcorn popper, and low calorie popcorn kernels, some butter flavored zero calorie cooking spray, and powdered flavoring of your choice. 

^^^^^ This. If anyone likes movie popcorn anywhere near as much as I do, you owe it to yourself to get some Flavocol off Amazon. If you are good with the sodium it makes popcorn amazing, it is what they use pretty much for all commercial popcorn.

I've been dieting for the past year and a handful of months, down about 70 pounds now, taking a slow pace. It helps your body avoid cravings and "starvation mode" alike if you just cut out a few hundred calories each day and only go for 1.5-2 lbs a week tops. (I personally like the cheat day model, where I eat roughly 1200-1500 a day for 6 days, then gorge on a full pan of brownies or multiple pizzas day 7. Well, maybe not that extreme. Just remember that it isn't a matter of absolute daily value, it is an average daily value.)

I've also recently fallen in love with Zone Double Chocolate Nutrition bars. I typically despise protein and fiber bar type stuff, but this thing just seriously tastes like a candy bar with virtually no fat and loads of nutrients. Has only the slightest of that chemical-ly aftertaste that those sorts of things tend to have, but really helps to kill cravings for candy and chocolate while also not being devoid of value.

I highly recommend don't even bother trying the no/low-carbs thing and worrying about cutting out bread for that level of weight loss, very few people make it work (though of course some do, as at least one person here said they did). That is usually more about shedding a few pounds quick for people only a tiny bit overweight, and even then it's more a matter of water weight or a negative breaking down of muscle (which is the last thing you want for long term weight loss, as that muscle burns more calories overtime by far). It's better to just maintain a normal ratio and cut back portions and increase exercise (I know, it's no fun). The biggest reason is that it isn't just about losing weight, it's also about maintaining weight once you get to your goal. Dropping something from your diet entirely isn't a long term solution, and has been shown repeatedly to just lead to rebound weight gain when people think that they no longer have to follow their diet.

You need to create a habit you can live with, literally for the rest of your life. (Oops, Cailan said this part already basically. Should have read everything before posting. ;x)

[CaptFido87]

Thank you all for the great advice. It ultimately seems like I know what to do, yet it doesn't happen. I just need to be stricter about how and what I eat. I weight myself every morning and can see that I'm losing enough that its going down, but than I have one bad day over the weekend and its back to the start again. I guess I'll figure out something for me.