What Is Transphobia Like for You?

[Janes Groove]

What Is Transphobia Like for You?

For me it's like the Sienfeld episode The Opposite where George discovers that doing the opposite of his instincts leads him to experience previously unimagined success.

It's like everything I was ever taught by all the institutions in my life were dead wrong and only by doing the opposite of everything I was ever taught was I finally ever able to achieve any success. It's crazee!

[SailorMars1994]

How goes transphobia and George Costanza tie in-together?

I guess transphobia in my case was non-stop gas-lighting by family from when I first merely expressed my feelings in 2011 out in the open until 2015. I would be told that I am only running away from manhood due to abuse, that it is my autism that makes me want to be female, that i am too much of a ''man'' (whatever the hell that is suppose to mean), that I walk and talk like a guy (yet non-family members have said I seemed quite feminine that at times people would question if i was gay), that I probably have a sexual fetish and am more of a transvesitie then a transsexual... again that is a low blow for me as I would have happily given up any and all sex drive to be a woman, and infact did so when i started HRT and havent regretted that for a moment. But still, that was only implied becuase they still wanted to explain away, somehow that i was just a ''man''. It was ever more of a disgust given that I had never talked to anyone in my family about sex, sexuality or sexual fantasy eithe with a female or male. They just wanted to pull any excuse they could to label me a man instead of a woman.

I guess that is what hurt the most. Knowing that many in my family would have rather viewed me as a confused, mentally/emotionally unstable man with a fetish then a woman born in the wrong body. Also, the hes, hims, sirs and misters are annoying to the point I snapped one day and correct people at an instant. However, HRT is getting me more shes, hers and ma'ams then ever. Result being awesome!!


That and the more mild things I can live with that are annoying like the stares , but those stares are becoming less as the HRT is doing its job !!! <3

[KathyLauren]

I haven't experienced any open transphobia (yet).  Which is a good thing, because it turns out that I had enough of my own internalized.  I think it's mostly purged now.  I sure hear about enough in the news.

[Julia1996]

For me it was being teased and harassed in school for being fem. Having my uncle keep telling my dad he needed to try and "fix me". Having my mom keep telling me I was just "confused."  Having my grandpa tell me I was making a huge mistake.

Now after transition it's having people who knew me before out me in public and try to out me to my boyfriend.
Julia

[MaxForever]

Looking in the mirror and knowing I am not who I am yet. And going out and wondering if they see me how I want to see me. Or asking "are people staring at me?"

[RobynD]

Other than a very few family members that try and use the " God doesn't make any mistakes" or "God wants you to be a man" arguments, i see very little transphobia. Mainly micro-aggression or some rudeness such as staring, when i am clocked. There have been 1 or 2 guys that have delighted in misgendering me, i just call them ma'am in return.

[Janes Groove]

How goes transphobia and George Costanza tie in-together?

Well since growing up in the 1960s just about every single institution in American life (work, school, church, family, etc.) taught me that there was something deeply wrong with me and I bought into it and it informed every decision I ever made.  When I embraced the idea that there is nothing wrong with me and started to make decisions based on that mindset I started doing the opposite of what I was ingrained to do, much like George Costanza started to do the opposite of what he would usually do.  And when he did so, his life began to significantly improve.

It turns out that in the end I used to be the worst transphobe of them all. I was transphobic to myself.

[ainsley]

Other than a very few family members that try and use the " God doesn't make any mistakes" or "God wants you to be a man" arguments, i see very little transphobia....

Same.

[Tammy Jade]

For me it's 30 something women with children.

Most people are good when they clock me but (and I really hate to generalise) that particular group seem to no problem openly glaring and giving rude looks.

I had one the other day when I was out with my partner stop in the walkway and then specifically turn on the spot so she could glare at me until I was out of sight while calling her children over and holding them by the shoulders.

I realise it's probably just there protective instincts but I always feel that they are right on the cusp of doing the "get away from my kids ->-bleeped-<-" & "a man is welcome in a woman's toilet" speeches

Maybe I'm reading to much into it but it's had not to from the death glares when they clock you.

Other than that it's been very positive


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[Sarah_P]

Other than a few odd stares, I haven't experienced any. I also haven't been out & about all that often yet. I'm sure that I'll get my fair share eventually.

[RobinSparkles]

I prematurely came out last year whenever I first started questioning my gender. I called my dad to talk to him about it, and he chuckled asking me "you gonna cut your d*** off, boy?". He followed it up with "you will always be my son. At most I'll just tell you you look utterly ridiculous whenever I see you."

Could've been worse. Could've been better. I cant have an ongoing relationship with him if that is how he is going to act, and asking for better is honestly asking a lot.

[Jenny94]

Bits of transphobia that I see regularly in the UK:

Whenever anyone in public sees me presenting female - make-up, clothes, body language etc. - and labels me as male because they recognise that I have a male body and voice. No excuses, you're not respecting me, it's transphobia. Especially people who do it deliberately, repeated "sir"-ing and "young man"-ing, and not apologising when I point out their mistake. It's humiliating, dehumanising, lazy and sometimes malicious.

When people make trans people out to be a joke - "I heard Lady Gaga wasn't always LADY, if you know whaddamean..." - it's like octogenarians saying someone "tends his allotment on Thursdays" or "butters her bread with a spoon" or something ridiculous like that instead of just saying "they're gay". By euphemising, they pathologise the thing, and it's never particularly funny.

When people just don't listen when told what certain things mean - "remind me, what does 'trans woman' mean again?" - No, you know what, I've explained it to you ten times, and it's not so bloody complicated. To be fair, this one isn't exactly transphobia, but it's people who clearly don't have basic respect for others as a priority.

These things all wind me up because they're socially acceptable, people get away with them all the time, saying "I'm open-minded, I'm not prejudiced" - well actually, this isn't about you and what you think you are. The things you say make me feel like crap, so bloody change it.

Sorry for the rant! 

[OU812]

It's been a lot of things over time. These days, it's pretty simple. I know the exact moment when a misgendering cue is given.

And I know that the moment someone notices anything amiss, I will never have any kind of normal interpersonal relationship with that person again, and will slowly be pushed away by them.

That said, I find it astonishing that anyone would not have experienced any phobia from others at all. Like, really? Have things changed that much in ~10 years? Or has the 'safety bubble' just expanded to the point where it's possible to never leave?

[Virginia 71]

I have certainly had my share of personalized transphobia and in all honestly I think I am still fighting it. Until recently I was working as a mechanic and if the field was not so male dominated and staffed by mostly very conservative people I may still be in it. Any time a trans person came in as a customer they would snicker and comment. Same when they would see someone trans walk by.

Some of you mentioned having the experience of people trying to convince you that you are not trans or that gender dysphoria is not real. Ditto. Whenever I run into that I try to remember an expression I read in one gender book or another which is "If I have to explain this you just are not going to understand." My experience is that for the most part this is true. I don't bother to waste my time trying to convince people anymore. For some reason they just seem to absolutely need people to fit into their assigned birth gender. Sometimes that is out of concern for my health and safety but more often than not its just simple thinking on the other person's part. They grew up knowing one way of things and that is all they are willing to accept.

[Ryuichi13]

Transphobia to me is having a president say he's no longer going to let transgender people join the military because "of cost," yet not condemning neo-nazi groups when they march and rant and even kill an innocent, non-violent counter-protestor.  And then feeling even worse when a trans friend tells me "I was going to join the service as a career, but..." knowing that they now have to rethink their entire career path. 

Transphobia to me is being worried about new friends that I've made since starting T, and hearing their negative experiences with another trans-person, and hoping that I won't be found out because I love being "one of the guys."

Transphobia is my fear of my family call me by my dead name in public and outing myself when I explain to them that "that person no longer exists."

Transphobia is my genderfluid boyfriend who presents as female telling me over and over that "the current vibe in our country means that African-Americans and transgender people are no longer safe, do you have your pepper spray?  If not, carry it with you so I don't worry, okay?"  So I do.

Transphobia sucks. [emoji35]

Ryuichi

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[KathyLauren]

That said, I find it astonishing that anyone would not have experienced any phobia from others at all. Like, really? Have things changed that much in ~10 years? Or has the 'safety bubble' just expanded to the point where it's possible to never leave?

In my case, I think it has more to do with where I live than with things changing in recent years.  It surprised me too that I had no negative reactions at all.  I was expecting some.

Canadians have a reputation of being polite, but Nova Scotians are at the top of the list.  Even within Canada, they have a reputation for uncommon niceness.  If they meet someone that they just don't "get", they may be puzzled, but they will be polite.

The closest I have come to a negative reaction is the local pastor.  He clearly doesn't approve of me, but, because of the societal pressure to be nice, he doesn't dare say or do anything. (Bwah-ha-ha!)  If that is the worst I get, I'll be happy.

I feel sad for the people who live in cultures where aggression and hostility are normalized.

[steph2.0]

Other than a very few family members that try and use the " God doesn't make any mistakes" or "God wants you to be a man" arguments, i see very little transphobia.

Hi Robyn,

Interesting how the same words can have completely different meanings, depending on the intentions of the speaker. A friend of mine who's very supportive told me, "God don't make no junk!" meaning this is the way I was intended to be and I should be loved (and love myself) for who I am, not for what other people think I should be.

While I'm not religious, mostly because of the kind of people you quoted, I do appreciate the sentiment.

Steph

[JMJW]

I see it online underneath these videos by Republican speakers and the unanimous trend is that of mockery of transition and transwomen and to "seek mental help" instead.  By which they mean conversion therapy. I see the complete dehumanization of people who don't affect their lives in any way. These people care about looks, they'll accept the likes of Blaire White and Theryn Meyer because they pass, whereas they would never support anyone whos non passing. Then there's the radical feminists who promote gender essentialism by saying that all transgender people should be considered and treated as their birth assigned sex. They inevitably pick on those who can't pass as they can more easily sell the idea that these are men out to get women and girls, mocking their appearance while at the same time saying that men should be free to dress in feminine wear while identifying as men. So were supposed to believe that they'll mock the appearance of transwomen openly as creepy but laud the appearance of men in dresses etc as brave and revolutionary? No, they'll laugh a cold laugh in their heart at seeing men who do that. Because they hate men period. 

[ainsley]

I see it online underneath these videos by Republican speakers and the unanimous trend is that of mockery of transition and transwomen and to "seek mental help" instead.  By which they mean conversion therapy. I see the complete dehumanization of people who don't affect their lives in any way. These people care about looks, they'll accept the likes of Blaire White and Theryn Meyer because they pass, whereas they would never support anyone whos non passing. Then there's the radical feminists who promote gender essentialism by saying that all transgender people should be considered and treated as their birth assigned sex. They inevitably pick on those who can't pass as they can more easily sell the idea that these are men out to get women and girls, mocking their appearance while at the same time saying that men should be free to dress in feminine wear while identifying as men. So were supposed to believe that they'll mock the appearance of transwomen openly as creepy but laud the appearance of men in dresses etc as brave and revolutionary? No, they'll laugh a cold laugh in their heart at seeing men who do that. Because they hate men period.

*Snap!
I tend to agree with ALL of this.

[Rae anne]

This post came at a very opportune time because the other night I dreamt that I ran into a male acquaintance and two other people while presenting as Rae Anne and he asked what I was supposed to be, then walked away with a discussed look while he other two laughed. I know this never happened, but it has bothered me for the last couple of days.