Well, I did have fun (mostly) in KC on Saturday. Plus I'm stuck in the middle of some family drama - something I've desperately tried to avoid most of my life. Sorry for the length, I'm going to rant a bit.
So on Saturday we went to a comic store, and my friend (that I live with) & I both bought something. Since it is literally the only comic series I buy (Future Quest - combines all the 70s Hannah Barbara action cartoons into one amazing story - I highly recommend it), I let my friend get his frequent shopper card punched for my purchase. He then said 'You're a scholar & a gentleman.', which made me flinch, but it was his follow-up correction 'oops, I mean lady' that really upset me. He did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GUY AT THE REGISTER! When we got out of the store I told him just how wrong what he did was. OK, MAYBE the store clerk just thought that my friend made a simple goof, but it's equally possible I was just outed. And you know what? my friend had the nerve to get angry & moody as a result of my telling him that what he did upset me!
He's also repeatedly deadnamed me in public (so far not where anyone overheard), including at dinner AN HOUR LATER!!
. I really want to think he's not doing it on purpose, he's just incredibly absent minded, on some meds that are likely dulling his thinking, and he's known me as a guy for almost 20 years. But the fact that this keeps happening is making me wonder.
There's also something that a lady friend of mine (his daughter-in-law) has said, that he has no respect for women whatsoever. I really hadn't seen it until lately, but I'm thinking she's right. He's just one of those guys that THINKS he's supportive & respectful towards women, but really (perhaps subconsciously) thinks they're silly, stupid, and incompetent. Plus she told me that every time she's around him, he's always staring at her boobs and butt (and he is - I've seen it myself).
Though he apparently at least slightly sees me as a woman, since on the trip up to KC he said 'Don't worry, I'll protect you' (can't remember what we were talking about that led up to that). Really? The only courage he has is the gun he's always carrying. A 5-year-old could beat him up otherwise. Plus, I'm in far better shape than him, I have some skill in martial arts, and I carry a taser. Seriously - I can take care of myself.
I swear, he's just absolutely convinced that he's the only person in the entire world who knows anything, and everyone else is just a blithering idiot that constantly gets in his way. I have this feeling that once I get out of here I may not want anything to do with him anymore.
That's not all... As I said, this is the friend I live with, along with his wife (who has been incredibly good to me so far). I was invited to my lady friend's (OK, let's call her 'T' to make this slightly more coherent) thanksgiving dinner (my friends son, daughter-in-law, and grandson). So T told her family that her friend Sarah was coming, but her husband also invited his sister ('E'), her husband, and their 3 kids. So I'm not out to that family, since E's husband is more than a bit anti-LGBTQ, and my friends I live with are worried that he may forbid his kids from coming over to their house anymore while I live here if he did find out about me.
I just can't do that to my friends or to their grandkids. T & her husband have been incredibly good friends, and really want me to be happy & free to be Sarah. This is awesome of them, but it's really ramping up my desperation to go full-time. I'd been seriously considering it, even with the potential danger of attacks (verbal & physical) from people in this town. But I just can't.
Now I'm feeling more trapped than I've ever felt. I've got to get out of here!! I've applied for several jobs (see my thread in the employment area), but with Thanksgiving this week, I doubt I'm going to hear from anyone before early December. Plus I'm really going to have to scrounge for money to move with unless I can manage to sell my stuff (which I'm still waiting to hear back from people - again, likely delayed by the holiday). I may just have to use my fallback plan of finding whatever job(s) I can, even if it's not in IT (if I haven't heard back from anyone soon).
