Wow. Coming out is ridiculously nothing like I expected so far. All of family is religious to varying degrees. So far, I don't think my expectations were correct a single time.
I started with my oldest friend, someone I've known since I was, like, 7.
Expectation: "You've probably just got self-image problems."
Reality: "Oh! Duh- I really think it makes a lot of sense and you should consider it going through with it." (Before i'd made up my mind.)
About a week later I told my partner
Expectation: "Aww honey, you'll be so cute!"
Reality: "You'll never pass. This is stupid. Just promise me you'll keep your dick."
It's been a bit rocky here and there ever since, but overall good and things have finally settled into acceptance and support. I had expected her to be perfectly good with it because she was such a fan of me cross-dressing I figured she'd be happy. Boy was I wrong, lol, but she's amazing and not exactly straight either and in the end I think the main issue was resolved on HRT day 1 when i suddenly like touching and being touched for the first time ever.
My youngest brother, who was staying with me at the time:
Expectation: "You'll never pass. This is kinda dumb." Something, something dick something.
Reality:"I don't care. Whatever." "No, really, this is boring." *Excitedly begins talking about a computer game I have no interest in.*
I spent some time warming my mom up for it, I know her pretty well.
Expectation:General terror for my soul, denial of any signs whatsoever. Motnhs before she'd come around.
Reality:Almost exactly the same as expectation, with the addition of weaponized uses of the word "son". But she's coming around in weeks, not months.
At first it was trying to find way to blame herself, etc. The complication with her is that she had a very hard time with it when my aunt came out thirty five years ago. So it's not just me, and what's ironic is that she frequently compared me to "her brother before he tried to kill himself". It's like, oh- so how did you not see this coming? She's not the sort to run and hide though, and remembering the first experience with dysphoria helped a lot because it was during pre-bull->-bleeped-<- days. What's been helping the most is that she ends up defending me.
The day after I told her I realized I'd need to tell my stepdad because I asked my mom to keep quiet about it and it just wasn't fair to upset his wife and then put this stipulation on her to prevent him from knowing. So I called him that night, got my mom and talked to her instead for several hours. Called him again the next day.
Expectation:No idea what to expect, though we get along well. Small concern he'd freak out a bit- he's super homophobic for fakish flamey types, but if you just act normal he doesn't care at all and i had no clue where this would sit for him.
Reality:"I don't agree with it, but do what you've got to do."
The he gave me a bunch of advice and talked about god a lot.
My sister:
Expectation:Judgement/Concern over why I'd want to "be a man in a dress", feelings of losing her big brother, all that.
Reality: Lots of cry-laugh smileys and not much else.
Middle brother:
Expectation: More understanding than the rest- he had a phase as a kid so I thought maybe he'd get it.
Reality: "All this stuff happens because of all the evil you let into your life."
Third most shocking response so far. He's not been super religious until recently. We got into quite a fight, then calmed down, and then I realized if I hadn't reacted so badly to what he was trying to say and let him put his words in line first we could have avoided the whole thing. But we do that about basically everything, and eventually it evens out and we have a good time. In this case it evened out into a conversation where the general upshot is that the doesn't agree with me doing it, but he still likes me and isn't going to be a dick. It just really hurts him pretty deep.
Old Native friend of mine, cause I was curious about native perspectives on gender.
Expectation: "Okay [insert some weird low-brow, slightly insulting joke here]."
Reality:"Oh, yeah. We've known that for about ten years."
Then he proceeds to tell me the exact moment he figured it out and I remember it, but he must be psychic or something because all id done was happen to touch his stomach. Second most shocking response so far. Part of me is like WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME. Because I wouldn't have listened, that's why.
Last night, worked up my courage and called my dad because my youngest brother had told him id founda medication that works and he wanted to know what it was. Seemed like as good of a time as any. Thing is, he's basically the second most important person in this cultish church I grew up in. They don't believe that people can love, for example, because only Christ can do that.
Expectation: Anger. Lots of yelling. At the very least brilliantly cutting sarcastic remarks.
Reality: He just asked questions, didn't judge, and bascially just wanted to make sure I was being honest with myself. Then he gave me advice that made perfect sense and told me I should call him again in a while to tell him how it was working.
Talk about a mind***k. Even the personal questions seemed more logistical and genuinely curious than anything else. The most upset he seemed during the entire conversation was when I expressed surprise at how he responded, and he got a bit agitated at the fact that I'd expect him to react in any way at all. But seriously, I've heard what he's said about trans people growing up. Or at least I thought I did, so much so that what he said is part of why it took so long to have the courage to do this. So to be neutral is one thing, but to be totally unsurprised and even vaguely supportive is so unlike the dad I thought i knew as to make me wonder if I even know anyone at all.
Then again, there have been several times in my life that he sort of put the idea of me "getting a sex change" out there as a joke. I always felt a lot of shame when he'd say that, but from this perspective maybe he actually kind of knew?
I'm going to come out to my last brother tonight probably, and then my evangelical grandparents in a couple of days. And after that the hard part's over. At least... WAIT. Let's try not to have any expectations, shall we?
