I've come out to people a couple weeks ago (select group of people) - I feel like a new woman and am seeing the woman that's always been here. There's confidence that I never had before even when I'm out in guy mode (the only way I'll go out right now). And that is awesome. But being middle age, and very hairy, I really am not going to be comfortable going out presenting as myself for months or years (I'll be starting electrolysis shortly, thankfully). I'll also be starting therapy very soon (I've started that process of getting set up as a new client), because I can see I'm going to be a mess without it. The problem is of course I don't feel going out in my man costume either.
I mainly just want to feel like me when I look in the mirror. I don't want to be beautiful, I don't want to be super feminine, I just don't want to look like a middle aged man. My dream is that some day occasionally when I go out shopping or whatever someone will say, "Can I help you, Ma'am?" And that feels so incredibly far away, maybe impossible. I don't ever expect to pass all the time, but just occasionally would be such a wonderful thing - that society sometime would see me as I am. Heck, just not notice me as a man and let me blend in as a plain looking gal, and I'll have wont he lottery!
It's like since I came out to myself and some others, I want the world to see me, but that...well, it's a long ways off at best. At worst, I'll never get there. I didn't expect this to intensify so much after coming out - that caught me off guard, I admit. And I'm old enough to know a few years is not a lifetime, but it sure feels that way.
So my question: How do I keep the hope alive when it feels I'll never get there? What helps?
