Taking Hormones But Not Transitioning

[Chloe]

I don't try to hide anything regardless of what "mode" I am in.  I am happy with myself and what somebody else thinks is their problem. 

Gotta agree!! I've been 'transitioning' for over 40 years but life just continues to 'get in the way'. First was my parents (living situation), then job career, marriage, kids (and divorce) now it's 'grandbabies', two in-house as we speak.

Am 'out' if anyone cares to 'look it up'. Same Judge my 'ex' tried to shame me in front of eventually gave me 'full custody' of the kids. Surpressed my urge to 'crossdress', luv it when people mistake me for ma'am 

Like Deborah says "your bad not mine"!

[Bari Jo]

I'm probably going through the same boat myself.  I'm in my late 40s and I won't be nearly as passable or ever passable as my avatar pict.  Being on hrt is calming the GD which is paramount for me.  I know some feminization will occur.  It won't be unwanted, but time will tell if it will be enough for a full transition.  I don't plan on hiding anything, just don't plan on being overly open.

[Chloe]

I'm in my late 40s . . .

Bari Jo I remember my 'late forties' you pick your moments can be lots of fun.

Could tell you stories. As a senior employee for major airline (same as BeverlyAnn now retired) my nickname was 'ponytail'  and, with uniforms being the same, from a distance was mistook for either gay or female more often than not.

A fellow 'old grump' approuched me one day exclaiming "Hey <lastname> why don't you cut your hair!" "You look like a girl!" to which I replied "As long as I don't look like an ATTRACTIVE GIRL to YOU what does it matter, why do you care??"

lol He shutup after that . . . A new, young black girl was very rude, silent toward me because she thought I was 'gay' until I told her I had 'kids & a family' we became best co-workers after that . . . Most people, when you finally declare 'the truth', find it quite amusing & are accepting to say the least.

Two big black guys I regularly worked with (on Tuesdays I think) busted out laughing one day when a 'new girl' was assigned to help until I insisted ""Hell no I'm the only girl on this pier""

Apparently I only confirmed what they were thinking all along. We used to work like dogs at 6'0' 160lbs I was in the best shape of my life. I retired from that job at 52, took 4-5 years off home with the kids and now I drive the most beautiful classic truck, fast becoming unique just like us!!!

Cheers

[Nina]

I'm in my late 40s and I won't be nearly as passable or ever passable as my avatar pict. 

Yer kidding, right? Your profile pic is beautiful.
I was the same early on in my transition, then I learned a neat trick. Every day, I would look at myself in the mirror, and encourage myself aloud.
I've said this a gazillion times, we are our worst critic. We look for faults, we want to critique every aspect.
I can tell you, one day you'll believe it.

Another thing, and I believe it, its you that needs to convince you're beautiful...not necessarily what others think.

[Chloe]

Yer kidding, right? Your profile pic is beautiful.

Bari Jo! LOL I tried that "FaceApp" put yours back!! As Nina says Your as beautiful as you feel!!

Smoke too much need more help than that (always hated 'selfies", never learned 'the nack"!!)

[luna nyan]

Yoyo-ing is bad for your mental state, it becomes all consuming.

I took a calculated risk going on HRT.  Mentally I'm in a better place, I can focus on what's actually important to me, rather than fighting my body day in, day out.

Weigh up the advantages and disadvantages - don't worry so much about the family, unless you suddenly get a hankering to show up in a mini and 8" stilettos at the next family gathering, they will tend to see what they want to see unless you choose to take your shirt off.

[MsAllannah1!]

Well, there is a SLIGHT temptation to slip on the stilettos and skirt but that won't be happening for a while! Not sure I have the legs for it and I'm sure I don't have the face for it. Still, as I read everyone's responses, I do feel better thinking that maybe I can just be me for me. Maybe I transition. Maybe I don't. Maybe I can grow boobs. Maybe I can't. But anything is better than the stress of doing nothing, I suppose. Although that's where I continue to end up.

[Bari Jo]

Bari Jo! LOL I tried that "FaceApp" put yours back!! As Nina says Your as beautiful as you feel!!

Smoke too much need more help than that (always hated 'selfies", never learned 'the nack"!!)

Thanks, I think.  I just switched back to the non faceapp pict that I'm comfortable with.  I prefer the other as it helps me have a goal.  It seemed to confuse others as they thought the faceapp was my true self.

[Deborah]

Still, as I read everyone's responses, I do feel better thinking that maybe I can just be me for me. Maybe I transition. Maybe I don't. Maybe I can grow boobs. Maybe I can't. But anything is better than the stress of doing nothing, I suppose. Although that's where I continue to end up.

It is better than that stress.  After 2 plus years on HRT I don't wear dresses and I don't wear much makeup.  I don't feel like my old self is dead but rather that my real self is complete and at peace.  I don't present female nor do I present male but rather I present as myself.  That people often assume that self is female now just makes me happy.  I feel good, I look good (at least to myself), and my mind is now free to focus on important things rather than simply being mired in a constant morass of dysphoria.  To those who say I'm damned I say "not until you have walked a mile in my shoes."  There is nothing to lose with this but only something to find.

[Myranda]

HRT is transition.  Electrolysis is transition.  Full timing is transition.  I get that the world equates genital surgery to transition, but we probably shouldn't..

This is so very true.  Unfortunately, I find myself being guilty of this all the time.  But doing anything along these lines really is transitioning.

[JoanneB]

TBH - I view view "TRANSITION" just as the dictionary does.... To Change. If I decide to no longer be that lifeless, soulless, "THING" I grew into fighting the GD and be proactive, do what needs to be done to Manage My Condition, then call it what you want.

Transition?
Being Realistic?

Being True To Myself? Doing What I Need To Do?

I've been on HRT for a good 8 years now. I still live and present as male. I still hold on to all the other very important aspects of my life that make me, ME. I have Transitioned. I AM Transitioning. I was a miserable person. I now know and experienced Joy. I am learning who I am, for Real.

I Transitioned.... From being a miserable wretch of a person, to a for real self-actuated person

[Justarandomname]

I always wondered about this when I first started as well.  I'm 5'7, under 140 lbs, in my late 30's, been on hrt for 2.5 years, and had ffs.  Yet, I still live as a male and have no plans for a social transition.  I'm not exactly sure how I am viewed but I never get any weird looks or stares so I am guessing that's a sign.

[CarlyMcx]

I didn't have any plans of public transition when I first started HRT 17 months ago at the age of 53, but I've been getting "male failed" way too often lately, and I think the time has come to go fully public.  The hormones have restyled my face to the point that the only FFS I am contemplating is a nose job and maybe having my brow ridges burred down and my eyebrows lifted.  Eyelid surgery would be nice too, but is more about looking younger than passing.  And my body has gotten absolutely curvy -- 38B-29-37, 5'7" 160#.

On a recent trip to Vegas I spent three days en femme and one day butched up for the benefit of some in laws I am not out to.

I got a lot of stares when I was butched up, particularly when I used the men's restrooms, which I was forced to do by circumstance -- couldn't walk into a ladies' room with my in laws watching or its game over.

On the other hand, on the days I was en femme, no one stared at me or even noticed me, and whenever I interacted with anyone I was treated as completely female.  I used womens' restrooms the whole time I was en femme, with no problems, no looks, except for one time early in the trip when I used my voice (which is a little husky for a girl) a little too loudly.

It is impossible to predict how effective the hormones are going to be on a person, but since I started HRT primarily to end an 11 year long series of panic attacks that almost left me housebound, getting to live as a woman is a wonderful bonus for me.

[Paige]

I'm 55 and I've been on low dose for a year and a half.  My breasts are growing.  I'm a definite B on the left side not so much on the right.  I'm getting worried by next spring the t-shirts will be showing too much but I dare not stop.  The HRT has saved my sanity and I simply love the feel of my breasts and body now.

Not sure where this is going to lead me but it does seem I may have to come out to the world at some point.

[Jessica]

I'm 61 and I've been on hrt for about 5 months.  I'm really doing this so I feel more complete.  Just knowing that I'm more feminine in my body and mind from the hrt is enough for me at this point. Though I think that may change as I progress.  My wife is supportive and as my body changes has helped me along my own journey.  She isn't against me becoming a woman.  Time will tell.  If I gain more family acceptance I most likely would transition entirely.  Until I am comfortable with that, I'll be happy in male mode.
Smiles, Jessica 💁

[GrayKat]

This is something I am considering. I know I will never pass without FFS. But it is so expensive. I hope I will be just happy with what HRT can give me.

[anne_indy]

I started a low dosage of HRT back in the spring. I didn't want to immediately transition but wanted to experience feminine hormones in my body, buy some time before coming out to family and while completing job contract. I hoped that HRT would quell the dysphoric storm to allow me to function as normally as possible. After reading many of the posts on Susan's about the emotional calm that results I was hopeful/expectant that I would experience the same. I didn't experience the emotional calming that I hoped for - perhaps the dosage was too low. But I was experiencing physical effects - loss of some weight, less oily skin, loss of male body odor, and budding of my breast. The budding was sufficient that I was beginning to be careful with what shirts I wore. So my biggest emotional response was to the physical changes that I was experiencing. Rather than buying me time, the HRT was accelerating my desire toward full transition. A family crisis, and fear that the physical changes might expose me caused me to stop HRT. The experience revealed to me that I could probably not sustain HRT and not transition - a revelation of sorts. So I proceed for the moment constraining the dysphoria with work and over commitment. Probably not the healthiest thing.


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