crisis

[MeTony]

I have nothing to learn from my past. Ive done as little as possible for a long time. At some point I just lost interest in life and I was never forced to make a change and I never developed skills. So im not yet ready to become the person I wanted to be. I couldnt handle going out and being noticed.

I have a strong belief that nobody is out of skills. Maybe under developed skills but skills can be trained. This is why you need to do small steps. Small steps can be great progress. Small steps can be a big thing for you. Take the steps and feel the change where you are safe.

[jinst138]

Makeup and clothes wont change anything for me. This is hopeless.

[MeTony]

Ask your parents if they can help you to find a good therapist for depression. Just keep in mind, best results are not only meds, therapy should be included. Anti depressant medication made me come up from the dark pit. But I also had therapy to cope with anxiety and sleeping problems. It won't change over night, but you have plenty of time to become well again.

Ask your parents if you have insurance and what help you can get. Depression is very hard to live with and you need help, now!

I know you might feel ashamed or embarassed, I felt that way. "What right do I have to be depressed when my life is perfect?" But depression does not care if you are rich or poor, healthy or ill, shy or outspoken. Anyone can get it, and you can't manage it alone. You need other people to help you.

Start here. Ask for help. Today! It can be scary to tell anyone but you need to.

Tony

[jinst138]

Something needs to happen. Someone needs to help me. People expect me to just do things I dont know how to begin doing. Im going to end up homeless like my brother. I was able to be distraced through childhood and teens having nothing in my life. And I know Im allowing this to happen to me and I cant stop myself. I cant make myself go. If someone tells me to put makeup on to feel good about myself or act more feminine thats not going to work. If that makes me something different I dont care anymore. I dont know if I am just weird. Everything has been the same for over ten years. You have no idea. Im afraid how much longer I can go on holding to barely anything as I just get older and further from myself.

[Kendra]

Do you have access to health insurance, or confidential assitance available at a nearby school or other local support resource?  The reason I am asking is you really need to find a way to get help, there are several ways even if you don't have health coverage.  If you might have insurance that can provide a shortcut to several things I think you can benefit from - for your immediate situation, and for the long term.

Since you mentioned makeup and feminine clothes - although I am definitely MtF, as time goes on I have discovered those things are less important.  A lot less important.  The most important thing by far is how I feel about myself, and I hope you can find a way to become more comfortable with yourself.  Take smaller steps and try not to be overwhelmed.  Talking to a qualified counselor can really help.  That's what helped me. 

You are very welcome to contact me directly and I'll fully respect any need you may have for privacy.  I'll send a Private Message.

Kendra