Hi ladies! So, the other day I was at my support group and one of the ladies there mentioned that because they weren't raised and socialized as a female, they didn't know any of the do's and don'ts of being a girl that all female bodied people are taught from a young age. At this point they all turned to me (the only FTM in the group) and asked me what some of those do's and don'ts are. I got thinking that this was probably a common problem you gals run into, so I thought I'd make a list and post it here.
Disclaimer: These are my own personal experiences and observations and are obviously not going to be universal. A lot of these are things that I'm trying to unlearn myself.
• The first thing you should know is that girls are taught from a young age to be a little bit fearful. What I mean is that they are raised knowing that being raped, assaulted and/or murdered is a very real possibility. This isn't just being paranoid, statistics show that between ¼ to ½ of all women have been sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime. This means that they behave very differently in certain situations than a man would because they are aware that there is constant threat. This doesn't mean live your life in fear, it just means you need to be aware of your surroundings and avoid certain situations.
o Don't walk down dark alleys alone at night. In fact, be extremely cautious of going anywhere alone at night. If you have too, be alert, pay attention to your surroundings. Don't be looking at your phone. If you're walking to your car, take your keys out of your purse before you enter the parking lot and walk with them in your hand.
o Body language is a big factor in keeping you safe. Don't try to make yourself look small, don't hunch your shoulder down and keep your head looking at the ground. Put your shoulders back, your chin up and be looking around. And don't be afraid to glare at anyone you think is suspicious looking. Anyone who is looking to assault someone is looking for a victim: someone who is weak, easy prey and won't fight back. So, if you look like you know what they are up to and will fight back if they try anything, they will most likely leave you alone.
o If you are at a club, bar or any type of similar setting, never leave your drink unattended. In fact, never let it out of your sight. Putting it down and looking away is exactly how you get roofied. And yes, people try that all the time. Pick it up, and don't put it down until you're done, or if you're sitting at a table, put it directly in your line of sight so you can see if anyone tries anything.
o And on another note, at such places, always try to go to the restroom in groups of at least two. There's a reason women do this, it's because there is safety in numbers and restrooms at such places are great places to be assaulted. Think about it, you wander away from your group of friends alone, to the back of the club where there are fewer people, to a room with a door that locks. Perfect ambush opportunity.
o Be cautious of men you don't know approaching you when you are alone. Your car breaking down on the side of the road is always a bad situation to find yourself in. Don't assume that everyone who stops and offers to help is doing so with good intentions.
o Don't pick up hitchhikers. I feel like that should be self-explanatory.
• <slut shaming portion removed> Admin
Are you scared yet? You've probably never had to think of any of these things before, but these are things women are always aware of. You don't have to live in fear, but a healthy dose of caution goes a long way to keeping you safe.
And now that I've made you completely paranoid, let's move on to lighter things. Some of these things many of you probably already know, but I'm trying to be thorough.
• Skirts and dresses. There are few things to know about wearing skirts and dresses.
o When you sit down wearing a skirt or dress, you never just sit down. This causes the skirt to gather underneath you uncomfortably and causes your skirt to wrinkle. What you do is this: you reach behind you with both hands, palms open flat, and gently pull the loose material of the back of the skirt forward until its resting against the back of your thighs. You do this as you are in the process of sitting down. It should be one fluid motion. Sweep your arms back, palms open, move the material while sitting down, and then bring your hand into your lap.
o Always keep your knees together when sitting while wearing a skirt or dress. No one wants to see your underwear.
o When you bend down to pick something up off the floor while wearing a skirt, you never bend over at the waist. You bend down with your knees to pick something up. Again, no one wants to see your underwear.
o Bonus: how to walk in heels. The trick to walking in heels, is that you are not walking with your entire foot. You are only walking on the ball of your foot, or if you have really high heels, your tippy toes. If you're standing still, you can put your weight on your heel, but when walking only put weight on the balls of your feet. And when walking down stairs, hold onto the hand rail.
• Women cross their legs when they are sitting down. It is something most of them do unconsciously. They sit down and immediately cross their legs. Either one thigh over the other, or at the ankles.
• When women stand, they tend to put all their weight on only one leg at a time. If you've notices how most of the time women have their hips canted when they are standing, it is because of this. Put all your weight on one leg and kind of relax the knee of the other leg so it is slightly bent.
• Women carry things differently than men do. Women's bodies are different than men's bodies, which yes you already knew, but probably not in this way. Men are built to work, so they are stronger in their shoulders and upper bodies, and have a center of mass that is higher up on the body than women. Women are built to carry babies. This means that their center of mass, and the strongest, most balanced part of their body is the hips. So, when women carry things, especially heavy things, they carry them on their hips not their shoulders. For example, when carrying a laundry basket, women will often hold it in one hand and rest the other end against their hip, either in front of them or to the side. Or if they're carrying a bag of something heavy, they carry it in both arms, low in front of their bodies, and rest the weight on their hip bones.
• When women make eye contact with someone, they smile. Even if you don't know the person, still give at least a small smile. Okay this is kind of a generalization, but it seems to be a thing most women do and what is expected of them.
• Women listen to every single word that comes out of someone's mouth and always have some kind of reply or comment afterwards. According to my mother, men do this thing where they tune someone out if they don't think they're saying anything important (which I agree with because I do this all the time). But women always listen to everything that someone is saying, no matter what the topic. So, no matter how many times a day your mother has to tell you about the exploits of all the birds at the bird feeder, you have to listen to every word and each time have an appropriately enthusiastic response.
• Women look someone in the eye or in the face when they are talking. Yes, this is a normal social thing for everyone, but women tend to do it more so than men do. In other words, women are less likely to look away during the conversation than men are. Women also tend to lean forward toward the other person when speaking to or listening to each other.
• Women compliment each other, a lot. They even do it to women they don't know, but it is especially common among women that they do know. For example, "that's a nice shirt" "I love your hair" "where did you get those shoes."
• It's a lot more acceptable for a woman to show her emotions than it is for a man.
• Women carry things in purses, and never in their pockets. Except for maybe Chapstick or their phone.
Wow, that was the longest post I've ever made in my life. I'll probably have more things to add as I think of them. Or if anyone else wants to add feel free.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask, I don't mind talking about it. Just be warned, I'm FTM and I kind of made a lousy girl.
