Should I be more open?

[warmbody28]

So I have noticed many of the people I started transition with 19 years ago have mostly moved on with their lives and no longer post anything trans related on any sites. Traveling back and forward from California to Russia and Europe has me thinking lately that maybe some of us should become a little more visible as it could help with the public image if us. Do any of you think this could be a good Idea? I have been done with transition for so long and I see some negative thing put out their about us and things that portray us as all the same when in reality like any other group we are all different. I would appreciate thoughts, comments and so on.

[Bari Jo]

Absolutely, I think this could help.  There has been so much stigma throughout the years that if younger people are, exposed to older trans people they may not feel as isolated.  They could seek help early if needed.  I had the support by family, but everything else wasn't there and it was too scary for me to move forward.  I would have loved trans stories and contacts I could go to and relate to back then. 

[Charlie Nicki]

Visibility is always a great thing, especially from people who break stereotypes. So go for it!

[Megan.]

This is a very personal thing. I work for a major multinational company 200k+ employees. I'm the only out and visible trans* person, because if I can raise awareness and understanding,  then it makes it better for the next person.
I'll never be stealth,  but even I wonder how active and visible I'll want to be once I consider my transition complete; I'll also be more interested in just living my life and fading into the woodwork (a bit [emoji4]).

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[Jessica]

Hi girls 🙋🏼 I say if you feel safe be as open as you can be without being "in your face"
But......... safe is the operative word.  All of us women here are prime targets for the bigoted population that seems larger than I would have believed.  "We" as women in society are targets too from a lot of men, including a misogynist idiot in the U.S. Whitehouse.  We still need to be careful with our safety.  Safety in numbers works, but individually it can be dicey.
Hugs, Jessica 💁

[Gertrude]

So I have noticed many of the people I started transition with 19 years ago have mostly moved on with their lives and no longer post anything trans related on any sites. Traveling back and forward from California to Russia and Europe has me thinking lately that maybe some of us should become a little more visible as it could help with the public image if us. Do any of you think this could be a good Idea? I have been done with transition for so long and I see some negative thing put out their about us and things that portray us as all the same when in reality like any other group we are all different. I would appreciate thoughts, comments and so on.

My therapist has posited that. The more of that come out, the more likely everyone will eventually know someone that is transgender and it normalizes being transgender.


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[Jessica]

I have a feeling that with the increased availability for transgender care, we will become far more visible to everyone in the near future.
Jess

[Tommie_9]

I agree about being more open. I hear this within the LGBTQ community all the time. I heard it shouted over the PA system at the Pride parade in my city a few weeks ago. But it's a very personal decision. There are safety issues to think about. In this same city, a transgender woman was found shot to death in her car Tuesday, the second MtF transgender person murdered here in 18 months. I feared for my safety for the first time today. I was doing a road trip with a friend, and we stopped for lunch in a very scary area. It was pretty redneck, and I caught a lot of dirty looks. One guy stared at me as he walked to the cash register. The lady running the placed asked if we were from around there, meaning you don't look like you belong here. Queue the banjos playing in the background - that's what my friend said. I'm "out" as transgender to my spouse, family and some friends. I'm openly non-binary, but I'm not satisfied. I want to be alive in the world and help change it, but being brave is something I'm working on and have a ways to go. 

[warmbody28]

I agree about being more open. I hear this within the LGBTQ community all the time. I heard it shouted over the PA system at the Pride parade in my city a few weeks ago. But it's a very personal decision. There are safety issues to think about. In this same city, a transgender woman was found shot to death in her car Tuesday, the second MtF transgender person murdered here in 18 months. I feared for my safety for the first time today. I was doing a road trip with a friend, and we stopped for lunch in a very scary area. It was pretty redneck, and I caught a lot of dirty looks. One guy stared at me as he walked to the cash register. The lady running the placed asked if we were from around there, meaning you don't look like you belong here. Queue the banjos playing in the background - that's what my friend said. I'm "out" as transgender to my spouse, family and some friends. I'm openly non-binary, but I'm not satisfied. I want to be alive in the world and help change it, but being brave is something I'm working on and have a ways to go. 

Safety is something I worry about. Plus I still have to talk it over with my boyfriend. I don't want him to have to fight for me all the time. If people ask me in private I don't mind talking about it or telling. I guess I'm not completely stealth but I would like to do more outreach and be available for those who need help. I mean I'm 31 now and have more or less been lucky enough to start when I did. I think I could try to be more open?

[KathyLauren]

Obviously, personal safety is paramount.  But more visibility of trans people would help a lot of folks. 

I know that one of the things that kept me in the closet for so long was thinking that being trans would make me some kind of rare freak.  Until Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox, the only trans people I had ever heard of were Christine Jorgensen and Renée Richards.  That was just because of lack of visibility.  Once I knew that there were many of us, coming out became safer.

Visibility also helps society to become more accepting.  Yes, there is some pushback from those reluctant to change, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how accepting people are.  I don't think that would have happened a few years ago, before trans people were in the public eye.

That is one reason that I don't make any effort to be stealth.  I do try to appear passable as much as I can, but I know that I don't pass.  But if I can go out in public, just being visible, and carry on my regular activities - shopping, restaurants, shows, etc - I help to normalize our presence.  That in turn might help someone else.

[Gertrude]

I agree about being more open. I hear this within the LGBTQ community all the time. I heard it shouted over the PA system at the Pride parade in my city a few weeks ago. But it's a very personal decision. There are safety issues to think about. In this same city, a transgender woman was found shot to death in her car Tuesday, the second MtF transgender person murdered here in 18 months. I feared for my safety for the first time today. I was doing a road trip with a friend, and we stopped for lunch in a very scary area. It was pretty redneck, and I caught a lot of dirty looks. One guy stared at me as he walked to the cash register. The lady running the placed asked if we were from around there, meaning you don't look like you belong here. Queue the banjos playing in the background - that's what my friend said. I'm "out" as transgender to my spouse, family and some friends. I'm openly non-binary, but I'm not satisfied. I want to be alive in the world and help change it, but being brave is something I'm working on and have a ways to go. 

Sometimes I can't believe people like that still exist in this country, but traveling around proves it. My advice is join the pink pistols and take care of yourself. There's nothing wrong defending ones life as the police are always around and in some places it might not matter. I totally get cue the banjos. I use it all the time.


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[Virginia 71]

There are safety issues to think about. In this same city, a transgender woman was found shot to death in her car Tuesday, the second MtF transgender person murdered here in 18 months.

I have had gay and lesbian friends threatened since January. Haters seem to feel that they have both the opportunity and right to intimidate and oppress members of the greater LGBT community ever since the election. 

...I'm openly non-binary, but I'm not satisfied. I want to be alive in the world and help change it, but being brave is something I'm working on and have a ways to go. 

I'm not quite open anything at the moment. I was about ten years ago and then went into hiding. (As much from myself as from the rest of the world.) As unsettling as it is I feel like I need to get "out there" and support other's in the community. A trans woman was murdered in my city earlier in the summer as well. The trial is set for sometime in the fall so nobody knows all the details, but is seems that it may have been more of a jealousy thing than a hate crime. (The suspect was in a relationship with the victim.) That said, the city is supposedly progressive but it is surrounded by conservative communities most of us would tend to avoid.

In my head I keep going back to a book I read some years ago. I think it was Jenny Boylan's book. Anyway, the author was in a band and stopping for gas on her way home. She was driving alone and some guy tried to force himself on her. She said she had lost some upper body strength from transition and she had a hard time getting him off of her. Apart from the physical aspect of being assaulted it was a real shock as it was sort of nasty welcome to the world of dangers women can face. If I remember the story correctly, the guy was drunk and did not know she was trans, so if she hadn't gotten away it had the potential to be a whole lot worse than it was.

[DawnOday]

So I have noticed many of the people I started transition with 19 years ago have mostly moved on with their lives and no longer post anything trans related on any sites. Traveling back and forward from California to Russia and Europe has me thinking lately that maybe some of us should become a little more visible as it could help with the public image if us. Do any of you think this could be a good Idea? I have been done with transition for so long and I see some negative thing put out their about us and things that portray us as all the same when in reality like any other group we are all different. I would appreciate thoughts, comments and so on.

I think you are headed in the right direction. I've felt like setting up a table and putting a sign on it. "Meet a transwoman" on the sidewalk downtown. I am on HRT and won't be able to go any further but I think educating the masses is so important.Be well.

[Gertrude]

I have had gay and lesbian friends threatened since January. Haters seem to feel that they have both the opportunity and right to intimidate and oppress members of the greater LGBT community ever since the election. 

I'm not quite open anything at the moment. I was about ten years ago and then went into hiding. (As much from myself as from the rest of the world.) As unsettling as it is I feel like I need to get "out there" and support other's in the community. A trans woman was murdered in my city earlier in the summer as well. The trial is set for sometime in the fall so nobody knows all the details, but is seems that it may have been more of a jealousy thing than a hate crime. (The suspect was in a relationship with the victim.) That said, the city is supposedly progressive but it is surrounded by conservative communities most of us would tend to avoid.

In my head I keep going back to a book I read some years ago. I think it was Jenny Boylan's book. Anyway, the author was in a band and stopping for gas on her way home. She was driving alone and some guy tried to force himself on her. She said she had lost some upper body strength from transition and she had a hard time getting him off of her. Apart from the physical aspect of being assaulted it was a real shock as it was sort of nasty welcome to the world of dangers women can face. If I remember the story correctly, the guy was drunk and did not know she was trans, so if she hadn't gotten away it had the potential to be a whole lot worse than it was.

I think she knocked him down and left, but yeah, she felt vulnerable.


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[warmbody28]

I think when I get back from Russia I will be a little more open. Going to meetings and offering support. My fears are probably irrational. I have not had any real problems over the years past high school and men tend to be very nice to me. You are all right that I could help by being more open. Plus I could learn more about our  community. I know I'm out of touch and out of date with many things.

[Jenny94]

Yes! Be visible! 1-3% of people are trans or non-binary. 99% of that figure hide. (Waving her arms wildly for these figures.) So let's be brave. If other trans people see that we exist, it gives them courage. If cis people see that we exist, they will stop denying it. If children see that we exist, then their generation can grow up 1000 times better off than any previous generation, because trans people are just a fact of life they grew up with, rather than some aberration no-one wanted to tell them about until university.

[warmbody28]

Yes! Be visible! 1-3% of people are trans or non-binary. 99% of that figure hide. (Waving her arms wildly for these figures.) So let's be brave. If other trans people see that we exist, it gives them courage. If cis people see that we exist, they will stop denying it. If children see that we exist, then their generation can grow up 1000 times better off than any previous generation, because trans people are just a fact of life they grew up with, rather than some aberration no-one wanted to tell them about until university.

I will. It wasn't to bad in Florida. They let us express our true gender in school. But still would like to help out letting others know it's ok like you said.

[Gertrude]

Yes! Be visible! 1-3% of people are trans or non-binary. 99% of that figure hide. (Waving her arms wildly for these figures.) So let's be brave. If other trans people see that we exist, it gives them courage. If cis people see that we exist, they will stop denying it. If children see that we exist, then their generation can grow up 1000 times better off than any previous generation, because trans people are just a fact of life they grew up with, rather than some aberration no-one wanted to tell them about until university.

Unfortunately, there's a price to be paid and some aren't comfortable with that. It all depends what's at stake.


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[Julia1996]

More visibility could be helpful. If someone wants to do that that's great. I personally wouldn't ever want to be open with everyone. I hope no one gets offended by this but I don't want to be known as a "transgirl" . If possible I want to be stealth and known as just a woman. Being trans is very hard. Why add difficulty to my life? Just my feelings on the subject.

[JoanneB]

With 19 years of living an authentic life, I can see very easily why they would not want to be more "Open" about it. If I had the choice, I would side with them, to a point.

For me, in this lifetime, there is no way I can be anything other then an out transwoman. It took and still takes work for me to me proud of who I am as a person, all that I accomplished in life, both the good and the not-so-good. I have lost much of the learned and self-reinforced Shame & Guilt about being trans. No way can I hide without reinforcing that Shame & Guilt.