Thank you for the thanks and the responses from others who are in the over the hill gang as it were
My perspective on Depression.
[I'm adding this bit after I wrote my response. Writing this has been therapeutic, I've had a bad week dealing with my health issues and worry. I coped. I never stopped smiling, I just needed more pain killers but see below] I was quite severely depressed. I had childhood and adolescent issues of rape, abuse, drugs and alcohol. Loss of my partner (she is alive and lovely but essentially a paraplegic who has to live in care) and of course GD.
I had great therapists, they were both psychiatrists who had worked with TG people for years and understood the 'syndrome'. I have never received any counselling for being TG, I received help for the issues that surround it. I once asked my psychiatrist "When did you know I was trans?" His reply? 'When you walked through my office door. Why else would you have come to see me?'
The role of my therapists was to help me cope with the PTSD from my life traumas and to give me the tools to understand and deal with them. Depression is a disease and it needs to be treated. You may need chemicals to rebalance the brain, you almost certainly need skills to recognise what is going on in your head and how to deal with the situation.
For example I had recurrent gang rape nightmares. I had them for over 35 years and would wake up most nights screaming as I relived being beaten and raped. My psychiatrist taught to recognise when they were starting; to wake up before the nightmare, settle myself down and return to sleep. It took work, practice and effort to overcome them. I needed help.
I haven't had such a nightmare in years now.
Yes, I had the lovely euphoria when I started HRT that most of us report with gorgeous enthusiasm
, mine was at 28 minutes past 2 on the 28 July 20something or other in the car park of the Pharmacy where I got my first script filled. Not that it is a lasting memory!
It was just a euphoria; I had to work on the depression. It took hard work and
I needed help to allow myself to live (this is to me a key point in my happiness).
Two comments that I recall from medics who dealt with my GD. My psychiatrist when I asked if she was just being a gate-keeper (I was feeling particularly bitchy that day). "My role is to help you cope with being you. You are the only person who knows who you are, I'm just helping you make the introductions."
My surgeon when I had pre-surgery doubts, "My role is to help you be happy. I shall do whatever you want, whenever you want me to do it. Take your time as surgery will change nothing between your ears, just between your legs."
[Another comment post writing. I work with my medics, I am an equal (as you are), I let them know how I feel, I describe, I talk, I'm honest. I don't complain, whinge or know better. But I let them know how everything they do affects me. They are Medics not Vets, animals cannot describe how they feel, humans can. But I do so respectfully and with the desire to help them to help me. Respect goes two ways.]Looking back both comments were absolutely true - for me, as ever YMMV.
Final comments on depression for me.
As many know, I was diagnosed with hypolaryngeal cancer in 2016 and have come through extensive chemo, radiotherapy and surgery. My medical team from the receptionists, tea ladies & tea men (who were so lovely making me a special cuppa when I was struggling), porters who transferred me between wards, nurses, technicians and medics all treated me with love and respect. I maintained my humour and happiness throughout - even when I was crawling on the floor and weeping- because I knew who I was and I know that I am a happy girl who loves life.
My psychiatrist came to visit me in hospital post laryngectomy surgery (we are now friends and will be so for ever) and asked "How do you think 'He' would have coped?" I wrote on my note pad, as I no longer had vocal cords as they had been removed along with my larynx, 'He would be dead, he couldn't have coped and had no reason to live, but Cindy loves life and I will fight for every breath and with a smile on my face.'
Yes I get sad, yes I deal with my cancer thoughts as they play games in my brain, I worry, I cry. I deal with it (I wish there was a 'give the bird' emoji)
Am I depressed?
No I'm not. I'm just dealing with the crap that comes from a horrible disease and I do so happily.
So don't worry about transitioning triggering or prolonging depression get help to deal with it as best as you can in the best way for you.
In my mind, depression and GD and transitioning are in separate boxes.
We deal with them. One is not a cure for the other. We seek help and we work hard as we can.
And we support each other with big hugs.
Cindy
