Yet another interesting day. Part of my job has been displaying at major, and a few minor, aviation expos around the US. This year I decided not to display at the November show in Florida, partially because of changes in the relationship with the company I import products from, but mostly because at the time I was required to reserve a display booth, I was just starting my transition, and I had no idea where I'd be at this time in the future.
I have become friends with a lot of people at these shows, and I usually only see them there. So a fair number of folks who I've come to know had no idea what I was going through. Today was the day I visited and got to fill them in.
I invited Delores, a girlfriend who knows all about me to go along, and we went to breakfast at one airport before going to the show. I didn't go over the top on getting dressed up, but I didn't attempt to hide anything either. All the clothes were from the women's department, and my hair was just pulled through the loop on my hat and left loose. My nails were polished and of course I had my new earrings in. The end result was still kind of androgynous. Here I am after we got back home, with the latest plane I built. We both have big smiles:
At breakfast I had a serious dilemma. I didn't think I was passing as female, and I had to use the bathroom. What to do? Well, I braced myself and used the men's room. I just didn't think I'd get away with using the ladies room this time. It turned out to be a dysphoric experience. I realized that this is the first time I've used a public men's room in a while, and it just felt wrong. Delores caught me coming out and said in front of everyone, "Hey, you used the wrong one! I expected to find you in the other one." Now, my flying buddies do know what's going on with me, but nobody else in the building did. I laughed it off (painfully). I don't know whether anyone noticed or not. Oy.
When we got to the show I stopped to say hello to my friend who describes the planes for the crowd as they fly by. I filled him in on my situation, and he was supportive, but we couldn't talk long because he had to get back to his announcing. I waved bye, and he whispered to stop back later.
Next up was an old friend and business partner. I told him everything, he said he was cool, and we went on to the same old conversations we always have, just like nothing else was new. When I moved on he made me promise to call him if I needed anything at all.
And that was pretty much the pattern for everyone else I know and have worked with, except for the last one. She actually runs the show. I've worked with her for years, and we've gotten to know each other pretty well. This is, in fact, the first year that I haven't arranged to display at her show since she took over. We sat and had lunch together, and as we got up to leave I broke the news a little differently. I told her that one of the reasons I didn't display this year was because of some big changes happening in my life, and I just gave her one of my new business cards. They're the same as my old ones except the name is changed from "Steve" to "Steph." I told her it would give her an idea if she looked at the name. She looked it over, looked a little puzzled, looked me over with new eyes... then gave me a big hug. She told me that she was happy for me, and not much else needed to be said. That was pretty dang cool.
There was one more stop. I know a guy (L) who runs an aircraft business not far from me with his wife and his dad (P), and I stopped to say a quick Hi to them. They already know about my transition. Remember my friend who took us to Disney? He's the one who filled them in a couple of weeks ago, and he told me that when L found out he started saying some pretty nasty things. That's when his dad stepped in and read him the riot act: "She's going through a hard time right now, and you
will support her and be nice! (or something along those lines)" Now it's not as if L is a kid - he's got to be in his 40's and P must be in his 60's. I was in awe that P not only came to my defense, but immediately started using the correct pronouns without prompting. We had a nice conversation about the product they're selling and the next plane I'm building, then touched a little on my transition - with no drama - and we moved on.
It was time to head home, but I still needed to stop and see my announcer friend on the way out as promised. I walked into the little building he uses as an announcer's booth. He had a few other people hanging out with him, and with no prompting he introduced me to each of them in turn as
Steph. Wow. I know some pretty dang cool people.
Letting all of them know pretty much sets the stage for the next big show in Florida coming up in April. Instead of displaying I'll be volunteering with all the people I know who make the show happen, and now almost all of them know what to expect. By April I will have been on HRT for almost 11 months, so hopefully there will be noticeable changes, unlike now. With all the pump priming I've been doing, the shock factor should be pretty low, and I can just get on with the job as
me. Where before I was dreading it, now I'm starting to look forward to it.
Steph
