I hope I'm not boring everyone with these updates, but I kind of consider this thread to be my journal now. So here's the fun stuff that happened today...
Actually, it started out not so fun. I thought I'd experiment with curls today. Washed my hair, then used some of that mousse stuff, and tried my curling iron. Meh results. So I thought I'd try wrapping my hair around my brush and using the blow dryer on it. HUUUGE MISTAKE! My hair was wrapped into the brush... and I couldn't unwrap it. It was rolled up against my head and wouldn't come loose. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to get it out and I'd have to cut the hair. Panic and tears. If I had to cut it, since it was right up against my head, I'd be effectively bald.
After finally getting my brain back together, my solution was to get some long nose pliers and basically disassemble the brush. I pulled bristles out one by one until I could finally unwind my hair. And that's why I now have new brushes. And I still have my hair. Crisis averted...
Next project: get a problem straightened out with a bank concerning my old name on the account. Long story, but after thinking I could get it all done online, I finally hit a wall and had to make a phone call. I'd been putting it off for about a week, and finally had no other choice. So I warmed up my "voice" and called. Strangely enough I was put directly through to a nice lady. After doing my best to avoid the subject, I finally had to out myself to her. She was confused at first, since my voice was apparently more appropriate for my new name (yay!), then after I told her about my old name she thought that I was trying to set up an account for my daughter Stephanie. Then she finally understood, and I was just Stephanie to her for the rest of the conversation. After many technical trials and tribulations we got everything straightened out, and I was treated very well for the rest of the call, which ended with her asking, "Is there anything else I can do for you today, Stephanie?" It was another case of "What the heck was I worried about?" and another hurdle jumped.
Then it was on to trying to figure out why I hadn't heard from Dr. Ting's office at Mt. Sinai hospital in New York. I'd contacted them at the beginning of January and communication was very good with the first two emails. I provided them the paperwork they needed, and then I waited. I sent them two other messages letting them know my progress with letters and doctor's appointments, and asked a few simple questions, to which I haven't had even an acknowledgement. So I called, hoping to talk to the person who'd last sent me an email. Again I practiced my voice, and ended up leaving a message with the service with a promise that it would be passed along. So once again I wait. But at least the call went as well as it could.
Finally it was time to venture out into the cold world again. I'd been putting off going to the post office to mail a package, and getting the propane tank for my grill refilled, for almost two weeks. Once again, something that used to be so familiar and ordinary became a big adventure when doing it as my new self for the first time. I grabbed that very special package that had been waiting to go to my sister, along with the empty propane tank, threw them into the roller skate, and skittered off into town. I'll tell you what's in the package later, since the recipient of the package likes to keep tabs on me here (hey little sister!), but suffice to say that there was no issue at the post office at all. The nice lady asked all the questions I've been asked a hundred times before, I swiped my credit card - the one with the correct name on it - was told to "Have a good day" by the nice lady, and off to the propane place I buzzed with a grin on my face.
I've gotten the tanks refilled there countless times in the ten years I've lived here. The same old hispanic gentleman came around on his golf cart as always, and I had the tank waiting on the scale, despite it seeming unusually heavy. He connected it up, I gave him the cash, and we talked about how busy he was that day, and how the weather was starting to get hot again, while the tank was pumped full of boom juice. When it was done he disconnected, and nicely carried the tank over to the nice lady's car and loaded it for her (I was glad of it - when I unloaded it at home, there must have been a gravity storm in my area. It was a lot heavier than I remember). Another wish for a nice day, and my grin got a little wider. Time for grocery shopping at Wally World.
I'd done this particular task before as my new self, and had been unremarkably successful, so I didn't expect any trouble - and there wasn't any. Once again it was completely affirming as I loaded my cart with some new hairbrushes (see above, ugh), some fancy maroon nail polish (with sparklies!) and a bunch of groceries. In every personal encounter my smile was returned. A nice gentleman made a point to move out of my way with an apology when he saw me coming, and nobody looked twice at me. Generally I use the self-checkout, but this time I decided to push the envelope and deal with a cashier. And she was so nice. "Would you like your milk in a bag, ma'am?" The next cashier kept joking with her about how fast she was moving, and I ended up being part of the fun, telling her that her Fitbit was going to be very happy with her for working so hard. Smiles and banter all around. How fun! "Would you like to put your nail polish in your purse, ma'am?" Once again I got to use that magic piece of plastic with that beautiful new name on it, and left with "You have a nice day now, ma'am!" echoing in my head.
Holy smokes, it's almost 5:30! I raced home, threw all the cold stuff into the fridge, and buzzed back to the local restaurant to run the meeting of our flying club. By coincidence I happened to have on a donated blouse with the EAA logo on it, so I was already appropriately dressed. Everyone in the club knows my story, but I'm not sure about our waitress. I don't think she suspected anything, because she thought my wife was going to be on the same tab with our guy friend who was sitting on the other side of her from me. The waitress seemed slightly surprised that Sue and I would be on the same ticket instead. Heh heh. The meeting went as usual, which is exactly what I wanted. It was the typical herding cats scenario that had become so familiar to me as I ran these meetings for the last seven years, where the boisterous fun completely swamps any attempt at Roberts Rules of Order. And I loved it. Everyone got my name right, even those who'd had the most trouble adapting, and I felt right at home among them all as Stephanie.
I got home and took the Magster for a walk while still basking in the glow of a great affirming day. I wrote a reply to an email from my cool sister, started making arrangements for a meetup with Faith and her wife, traded a bunch of messages and enjoyed a video chat with Cassie (who'd had great adventures of her own today), and wrote this up. And here it is, way too late again.
On the surface it seems like it should be just another boring day of chores and running around. But right now everything is extraordinary, since I can do it as the person I've never allowed myself to be, despite that painful need. Nobody who hasn't been through this could ever understand just how wonderful it is to be myself - and none of you need an explanation.
For those who've gone before, thank you for showing me the way. For those just getting started, this is what you have to look forward to. Don't let the fear slow you down. Whatever you're afraid of is probably not going to happen, and if it does, you're strong enough to deal with it.
Stephanie
