Thank you, friends, for the nice comments.
I've kind of fallen into another of my depression holes the last couple of days, and I was starting to feel like there was little point in posting anything on my thread, since while I was seeing all kinds of activity on the other personal threads, mine went strangely quiet. It looked like @dani was the last person reading mine. So thanks again for letting me know you're out there.
We were discussing why I'm feeling so bad lately. Some of it is due to some intense things going on in my life which I won't discuss here, but some of it may be the lack of any new milestones in my transition. I passed so many of them in quick succession, with always something new to work on, and suddenly everything slowed to a crawl. My quest for GCS is stalled, with the latest message, received yesterday, saying they'd get back to me by June 30th. Hair removal is going at a snail's pace, with the electrologist limiting herself to 1 hour a week, with me driving 2.5 hours round trip. I want to pursue hair grafts but don't know where to start.
On top of that, even among those who wholeheartedly support me the misgendering and deadnaming continue. Even worse, when I think about what others may say about me in the internal dialogs many of us play in our heads, they invariably use my old name and male pronouns. This is my own brain doing this to me.
All of these things have me doubting myself, and combined with the paranoia when I see someone looking sideways at me, has the old dysphoria peaking again.
I thought I was past all this, but too many things are hitting me all at once. Maybe I'll go hang out with Faith so we can share our miseries.
Sigh
Stephanie