The Stephanie Chronicles

[LizK]

.... I felt he was always going to tell me the un-sugar-coated truth, so I was surprised when after I told him about my fears of being misgendered, he stopped and stared, and then asked, "Why would anyone misgender you?"

I know you all keep telling me that I'm doing fine, but I can't help thinking that you're just being nice. ......

I wonder were we just being nice...lets see....

..... The cool thing? Both Cassie and I were correctly gendered over and over again. Not a single mistake by anyone.



.....While we were cooling off, Cassie told me that a rider who had just gone by was checking out my butt. Oh my! I guess that counts for affirmation!...



..... Before we drove out I decided to practice my voice, and I found the driver and asked if he needed anything, or a ride somewhere. He didn't, but we had a short conversation and apparently my voice and presentation worked okay.
Stephanie

I guess we weren't.


Have some confidence girl you got it happening 

Take care

Liz

[Northern Star Girl]

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
I loved this posting of yours... all three pictures are truly wonderful for us to see.  Your very first picture in your summer outfit depicts a beautiful woman for sure sipping her ice tea.

The other 2 pictures of both you and @SassyCassie are very nice.  Both of you ladies look great with your bicycles by your side. ... oh, and Cassie, I love your purple headband... looks very good on you.

.... and Stephanie, in my opinion you have no reason to doubt your transition and your appearance...  and you even got your butt checked out by a passing male bike rider...  what could be more affirming and confidence boosting than that?

Thanks for your updates... I really don't see any bad news here...  all good!!!!
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Well, in @sarah1972  's tradition, here's my weekend update.

After @Dani  left Saturday morning after occupying our guest room, I headed out for a series of appointments.

First up, meet up with @SassyCassie , then head out to get my brows waxed and tinted. With my forehead looking spiffy, next up was a meeting with a new therapist.

Cassie had recommended him, and I immediately trusted him. After a year of appointments with another therapist (who quit unexpectedly due to family issues) I knew what was expected of me, and I opened up and told him all about me and what I was feeling. I felt he was always going to tell me the un-sugar-coated truth, so I was surprised when after I told him about my fears of being misgendered, he stopped and stared, and then asked, "Why would anyone misgender you?" I showed him the raw headshots I'd sent to FacialTeam and he kept looking back and forth from the pics to me and trying to reconcile them. "This is really you? Is it different makeup? Is it the light?" He finally just gave up and took my word for it.

I know you all keep telling me that I'm doing fine, but I can't help thinking that you're just being nice. But I came out of the meeting knowing that he wasn't going to lie to me (he was brutally honest about some other things we'd talked about) and it was a huge boost to my confidence to hear his positive assessment.

We talked about plenty of other things, too, then the hour was up and it was off to get my phone fixed at the Fruit Store. Unfortunately I'd screwed up when I made the appointment, and I couldn't fix the problem that day, so we went to lunch. The cool thing? Both Cassie and I were correctly gendered over and over again. Not a single mistake by anyone.

A stop to pick up some snacks, then off to a pool party being hosted by an ally of many of the trans groups around Orlando. She opened her house to all trans members and their guests, and it was a wonderfully fun and safe space, where nobody had to worry about being judged. With that in mind I gathered my courage and wore my two-piece swimsuit, but this time I wore the bikini top instead of the long one. I covered up with a towel for a while, but when it came time to have some fun in the pool, after a little hesitation I took off the towel and went in. Hopefully someone will post pics on Facebook, because I don't have any where I'm not covered with the towel. A bunch of us were lined up in this photo, all striking poses with matching white sunglasses. Everyone was glamorous, but I don't have permission to post their picture, so I cropped them out.


The next day, Sunday, was scheduled for a bike ride. I haven't ridden more than a couple of miles since I started transitioning, so I didn't know what to expect. We loaded our bikes on the Collossus and headed for a bike trail.



It was at least 90F and at the 7.5 mile mark we were glistening heavily, and decided that was far enough out for the first day.



While we were cooling off, Cassie told me that a rider who had just gone by was checking out my butt. Oh my! I guess that counts for affirmation!

We turned around and headed back, stopping at a Starbucks for air conditioning, iced tea, and some fruit, before we finished the ride back to the Colossus.

When we got to the trailhead, another couple asked us whether our vehicle had been broken into, too. Uh oh. But no, we were okay. Someone had broken their window and stolen their wallets. Our purses were in the back seat, but no problem. Before we drove out I decided to practice my voice, and I found the driver and asked if he needed anything, or a ride somewhere. He didn't, but we had a short conversation and apparently my voice and presentation worked okay. Admittedly there was no problem at Starbucks, the grocery store, or anywhere else either. I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that people are actually seeing what I want them to. It's something to talk to the therapist about.

Dinner, then back home, shower, jammies, and write this report for all y'all. Now bedtime. It was a pretty cool weekend.


Stephanie

[steph2.0]

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
I loved this posting of yours... all three pictures are truly wonderful for us to see.  Your very first picture in your summer outfit depicts a beautiful woman for sure sipping her ice tea.

The other 2 pictures of both you and @SassyCassie are very nice.  Both of you ladies look great with your bicycles by your side. ... oh, and Cassie, I love your purple headband... looks very good on you.

.... and Stephanie, in my opinion you have no reason to doubt your transition and your appearance...  and you even got your butt checked out by a passing male bike rider...  what could be more affirming and confidence boosting than that?

Thanks for your updates... I really don't see any bad news here...  all good!!!!
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you so much Danielle. While I'll never be 35 and cute like you, I guess I'm starting to believe I'm doing okay for a 59 year old lady.

But iced tea? Really? I'll have you know that was a piña colada!

Stephanie

PS: the second picture of Cassie and me would be appropriate for your hot and sweaty montage. We were both glistening quite heavily.

[Northern Star Girl]

Thank you so much Danielle. While I'll never be 35 and cute like you, I guess I'm starting to believe I'm doing okay for a 59 year old lady.

But iced tea? Really? I'll have you know that was a piña colada!

Stephanie

PS: the second picture of Cassie and me would be appropriate for your hot and sweaty montage. We were both glistening quite heavily.

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:   Excuse me... I am 38 I will have you know, but thank you for pegging me at 3 years younger...
... a wonderful compliment indeed.

Just so you know I do not think that you look 59, more like late 40's or early 50's at most.   
You are beautiful and you don't forget it!!!  It must be the hormones.

Ahhh, so that is why you are smiling so much, not iced tea but rather an Adult Beverage or two 

My hot and sweaty montage project is lagging behind, I only have about 8  pictures and captions arranged so far... a bigger project that I imagined... I will blame the delay on all of the summer activities and Suitor #4.

Thanks for updating and responding to my questions and comments...
Stay sweet and beautiful...

Hugs,
Danielle

[steph2.0]

Yesterday was an interesting, educational, and affirming day.

It started with a visit to a new electrocutioner. So far those I've seen have used thermolysis. This one uses a blend of galvanic and thermolysis. And wow, what a difference. Where the one I normally go to ends up scraping me off the ceiling, with the couch soaking wet with sweat when we're done, with this one I literally fell asleep. It's much slower, maybe half as many hairs in a session, but not only is it orders of magnitude less painful, it's also quite a bit less expensive. I've been paying $120/hour, and one I saw a few weeks ago, while still using thermolysis and less painful, wanted $150/hour. With this one I can get a block of 10 hours for $450. Even if it takes twice as long to get the same numbers of hairs, it's still substantially cheaper. In this case I used a Groupon for 2 hours for $55.

HNT finished, it was on to the fruit store to get my phone fixed. I was correctly named and gendered for the entire visit, including by the young woman who sat shoulder to shoulder with me to diagnose the phone. We had a nice conversation while taking care of business, and I walked out with a new replacement phone.

Lunchtime! To the food mall and Johnny Rockets.

The guy at the register seemed to be the manager. Well spoken, probably late 40s mostly bald gentleman. He was joking with a couple at the register who were obviously friends of his. They apologized and told me to go ahead. Mr. Manager asked, can I help you ma'am? I ordered, and he asked me if I was having a good day. I told him yes, a pretty good day. He then said, "Well, you're looking good!" I thanked him, and he said he wasn't looking so good today, and I told him he was doing fine. He then complimented me on my hat, and we bantered a little about it actually being a visor. He then did the standard "thank you ma'am, and have a nice day". He seemed like the jovial type who would say such things to anyone, but it was still affirming.

Standing at the end of the line was a lady wearing a t-shirt that said something like, "Why be bigoted, racist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?" I had to tell her I loved her shirt. I suppose "just be quiet" is nicer than STFU.

A small conversation in the ladies room and it was homeward bound.

Then on to Tuesday night trivia. Once again, no awkwardness and treated as the lady I am.

Just another day in the life, and more proof that I need to relax.

Stephanie

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped: 

Yesterday was an interesting, educational, and affirming day.
- - - - - - -
HNT finished, it was on to the fruit store to get my phone fixed. I was correctly named and gendered for the entire visit, including by the young woman who sat shoulder to shoulder with me to diagnose the phone. We had a nice conversation while taking care of business, and I walked out with a new replacement phone.
- - - - - - -
The guy at the register seemed to be the manager. Well spoken, probably late 40s mostly bald gentleman. He was joking with a couple at the register who were obviously friends of his. They apologized and told me to go ahead. Mr. Manager asked, can I help you ma'am? I ordered, and he asked me if I was having a good day. I told him yes, a pretty good day. He then said, "Well, you're looking good!" I thanked him, and he said he wasn't looking so good today, and I told him he was doing fine. He then complimented me on my hat, and we bantered a little about it actually being a visor. He then did the standard "thank you ma'am, and have a nice day". He seemed like the jovial type who would say such things to anyone, but it was still affirming.
- - - - - - - -
Standing at the end of the line was a lady wearing a t-shirt that said something like, "Why be bigoted, racist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?" I had to tell her I loved her shirt. I suppose "just be quiet" is nicer than STFU.

A small conversation in the ladies room and it was homeward bound.

Then on to Tuesday night trivia. Once again, no awkwardness and treated as the lady I am.

Just another day in the life, and more proof that I need to relax.

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:  Thanks for posting your update..... your readers and followers want to know these things and what is going on in your world.... so thank you.

You have already had a full day of activities... well, a half day.   
Here is is only 7:30AM... just starting out.  Where I am is is cool, this early morning it was 41 degrees, going up to 65 degrees, partly cloudy... much better than the high heat all around parts of the USA.... definitely not bikini weather, but I will take it!!!
       Well, I conclude that the evidence is in, the jury has decided....
   you are now convicted of being a woman in everyone's eyes.
                 So, yes, you now need to relax, the pressure is off.

OH, and I love the t-shirt that you described and your comments about it:
"Standing at the end of the line was a lady wearing a t-shirt that said something like, "Why be bigoted, racist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?" I had to tell her I loved her shirt. I suppose "just be quiet" is nicer than STFU."

Thanks Stephanie for posting this very good news report.
Hugs and well wishes as always.... 
Danielle

[steph2.0]

Today was a visit to my eye doctor. This is the first time he got to meet me, though I've been going there for ten years. I dropped by a few months ago to get my records changed, and the girl behind the counter warmly congratulated me. This time there was no weirdness with any of the staff as they did the preliminary stuff before the doctor came in. One even looked at me and said, "Miss Bensinger? Please come with me."

The doctor and I passed in the hall and said a quick hi, then I sat in the room waiting for him.

When he came in he seemed a bit hesitant. He asked how I was doing, and I told him, "Better than ever!" using the best voice I could muster.

"Better than ever, eh?"

"Oh, yes."

He fumbled around getting logged into his computer, and we talked a little bit about how computers are supposed to make our lives easier. He was quieter than normal, and he read me off the results of my tests (all good).

He then said, "Please forgive me if I'm being indelicate. The long hair, the painted nails, and..." he gestured, indicating the cute outfit I was wearing, "...are you transitioning?"



With a big smile I told him, "I Am!"

"Okay. I'm from the south where I learned to use sir and ma'am, so please forgive me if I get it wrong sometimes."

I told him that while I'll never get used to it, I certainly understand. He told me that while the name is correct in the records, it still showed the gender as male, and he'd make sure that got corrected. A few more tests and questions, more relaxed now, and it was off to the front desk, where he discreetly told the office manager to fix the records. I talked with her a bit about how difficult it is to get your name changed everywhere, we wished each other a good day, and I was out of there.

I'd been wondering how it would go, and having mixed-up records confused things, though apparently the staff never looked at the gender marker, based on the way I was treated. All but one seemed to be new since the last time I was there, so they don't know anyone but who I now present as. All in all it was a positive experience, and I had no embarrassment at all. It was actually more amusing than awkward.

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

snipped: 
@Steph2.0
"Standing at the end of the line was a lady wearing a t-shirt that said something like, "Why be bigoted, racist, homophobic, or transphobic when you could just be quiet?" I had to tell her I loved her shirt. I suppose "just be quiet" is nicer than STFU."

It turns out I slightly misquoted it, but I found the shirt she was wearing on Amazon. This is it:




Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

Stephanie, you are looking great!  So nice to hear about your good esperiences, and that you are growing in confidence as you get out there being yourself. 

[JudiBlueEyes]

Yes, certainly looking good!  My eye doctor is just as nice.  No drama, just the way it should be. 
Judi

[steph2.0]

Stephanie, you are looking great!  So nice to hear about your good esperiences, and that you are growing in confidence as you get out there being yourself.

Thank you, Kathy. And wow, I love your new avatar. You look radiant!


Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Yes, certainly looking good!  My eye doctor is just as nice.  No drama, just the way it should be. 
Judi

Thanks Judi. Despite the horror stories I've seen, I've had nothing but professional treatment from professionals, and friendly treatment from friends - but hardly any strange treatment from strangers.

You're looking good, too! Your eyes are certainly blue, but you do look a little pale. Maybe you should get some sun! [emoji16]


Stephanie

[steph2.0]

What is it with this world? Why do I hear so many horror stories when people are so nice?

Here's what's been happening the last couple of days:

I received a voicemail on my business line from a guy, "S", who had been referred by someone who I hadn't seen for about a year and a half, "B". He'd been told to talk to "Steve" for some help on his plane. It was too late to return his call, but I decided to email B to bring him up to speed. I copied and pasted my boilerplate "out-myself" letter and sent it off with the same old trepidation I always feel in such cases. How would this one turn out?

I woke up this morning with a reply in my inbox, addressed to Stephanie, and congratulating me for finding my peace. He's still happy to be my friend and will continue recommending people to me - the correct me.

This afternoon I gathered my courage, warmed up my new voice, and made the return call. I introduced myself as Stephanie, returning his call from yesterday. Based on later developments, I guess he didn't catch it, and we talked about his project and what help he was looking for. We came to the conclusion that I probably wouldn't be able to help with his particular problem, and I figured I wouldn't have to explain myself. But then he said a friend of his was there who wanted to talk to me about his project, and he called me Steve again.

At that point I decided to come clean. I told him that the last time B and I had seen each other, I had indeed been Steve, but there had been some very positive changes in my life since then, and I was now Stephanie. Amazingly, it was like throwing a switch. He congratulated me and immediately started using Stephanie, as did his friend. We had a good conversation about his friend's project, and neither of them made a single mistake for the rest of the conversation. He promised to call back later, and we ended the call.

Wow. Just wow. While I'm getting used to the idea of talking to new people who only know me as Stephanie, I have so much angst whenever I think about having to deal with someone who, for one reason or another, comes looking for Steve. And in every single instance, it's turned out well, as this one did. Am I just lucky? Are airplane people more accepting? Is the entire world just getting better? Whatever it is, I'll take it!

Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

That is great, Stephanie!  My experience is that most real people are fine, and just want to be nice.  A few are genuinely confused and will respond well to information.  And there is a minority that give humanity a bad name.

I am glad that you are encountering mostly the nice people.

[SassyCassie]

Stephanie, you are just chowing down on one toad after another! It must be the hot sauce!

I'm glad you've had nothing but pleasant experiences in all of these encounters with the people either who don't know you or knew you from years ago.

You're there, sweetie! You're there.

[LizK]

Brilliant!! it is so great when you are kind of flinching away waiting on a reaction and when it comes it is so overwhelmingly positive. How nice to get such a positive response and for them to just move forward with no issue, you can't ask for better than that .


Take care

Liz

[steph2.0]

Today the big week-long celebration of everything aviation starts in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. It's a show that I've attended for about 30 years, as a tourist, a volunteer, and an exhibitor. I've been there for the last six years, but am at home this year. It's a very wistful day as I think about not being there - not so much for the show itself, but for all the friends I won't see this year. With all the transitioning expenses I'm looking at in the next year, I just couldn't justify the cost of dragging a trailer there all the way from Florida. If I could have found a cheaper way of getting there, and a reasonably comfortable place to stay, I'd be there. There was actually a lady in a women's flyers group on Facebook who advertised for sleeping space in her trailer for other women for $15 a night. Unfortunately, in this pre-op state, I doubt I'd be welcome. I hope to have that all fixed by next year.

I think back to the show last year, and all the pain and trepidation I was experiencing. I'd started transitioning in June of last year, and had to deal with a friend staying in the trailer, other friends camped next door, and everyone else I had to keep my terrible secret from. How afraid I was that I would lose all of them when they found out. How I stood at show center during the airshow, surrounded shoulder to shoulder by thousands and thousands of people, feeling utterly alone, with the sunglasses hiding my tears.

Maybe you can see the pain and stress in my face and the clenched fists...



I came out to the first person other than my wife and my therapist there last year. The scene is etched permanently in my brain: standing in the dark with my friend in front of a DC-3 across from the ultralight runway, crying my eyes out, so terrified he'd reject me.

And how it all turned out. How everyone has been so accepting and encouraging. The new loving relationships I've formed since then. How well transitioning is going, despite the holes I occasionally fall into. I can't help feeling that I am the luckiest woman alive.

I just wish I were there...

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Other than pining for my friends at Oshkosh, there isn't too much to report. I went for a long bike ride yesterday on the Withlacoochee Trail (gesundheit!) with @SassyCassie , and had lunch with her and Sue at a restaurant at the turnaround point.  Cassie took a picture of me in front of a mural there...



When I saw that picture it reminded me of a similar one taken last October on my first full day out at Disney as me, and how much I've changed since then...



Things are going pretty well.


Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

Ah, painful memories, and the sadness of friends you can't be with!  But the good news is that they they remain friends, and they will forgive and understand the reason you can't be there.  The painful memories will fade as you experience more joy in your life.

Glad your life is going well.

[Faith]

I'm still trying to figure out who the guy is standing in front of that airplane, I think Steph posted the wrong picture.