The most confusing male behavior of all.

[Julia1996]

Hi everyone. I started talking about this in another thread but I don't want to hijack it. In the other thread someone said the boys at school all called her a ->-bleeped-<- but one boy said he wanted to ## her. Yet they called HER the ->-bleeped-<-. This is something I have never understood about guys. Like you can imagine, I was the school ->-bleeped-<- in high school. Guys called me ->-bleeped-<-ot, homo, etc. During my last year of high school the big jock guys were really bad with that stuff but they also did really weird stuff to me.

Once a guy grabbed me and kissed me right on the mouth in a hall crowded with people. They all laughed and everyone started telling me what a little ->-bleeped-<- I was. ME??? HE kissed ME. But no one called him ->-bleeped-<- and he went right on with the others calling me a homo. So kissing another boy doesn't make HIM a ->-bleeped-<- and nothing is said to him?? That's messed up! It's So not fair. Once I had 3 guys back me up against a wall. One of them got right in my face and asked me why I was such a little homo. He drew back his hand and I totally thought he was going to hit me, but what he did was run his hand through my hair! Then he told me I was totally pathetic.  The other 2 laughed. Ok, didn't they see him run his hand through my hair?? It's ok to do that but I'm the homo?? 

I had a guy actually grab my crotch once!  He said he wanted to see if I actually had a Dick. Again, everyone laughed! He touched ME sexually! But he was still the big straight guy and I was the little ->-bleeped-<-. I had guys caress my face, I didn't have any facial hair which they thought was funny. I had guys pick me up, tickle the crap out of me and slap and pinch my ass all the time calling me a ->-bleeped-<-! Ok, I'm not the one touching another boy! But I'm the ->-bleeped-<-!!

How can guys who claim to be so straight and manly do stuff that would be considered gay to another boy and not only get away with it but have his other "manly"  friends laugh and praise him for it?? How can that even happen?!  Oh, I need to calm down, I'm getting way to furious remembering this stuff.

And yes, the stuff they did indeed would be sexual harassment and I could have reported it but I was too embarrassed to ever have told anyone.  And yes sometimes a teacher saw them messing with me but no one ever said anything about it. Teachers didn't like me much either.

This is male behavior I will never understand. But it totally pisses me off! I swear if I hadn't had my dad and brother I could really easily have become a total man hater.

[Deborah]

I've been around a while and have never seen boys or men act like that.  Maybe you just live around some really low class people.

[Roll]

I've seen it, but not to that extreme. I suspect the explanations vary wildly. Some, maybe most, probably are the results of bets and dares. Some are them are acting out on secret attractions they can't actually acknowledge so they turn it into a "joke". And some are probably just people who are so legitimately macho-jackasses they are actually secure in their sexuality enough to do that sort of thing and not think twice about it (helps to be able to not think much of anything for this one).

I have always remembered one rather extreme scene from the show The Shield, which was known for its realism and grittiness on many things so had to be based on some common behavior. The scene in question two gang members forced themselves on a major character at gunpoint. They shouted all sorts of homophobic slurs while at the same time they were the ones forcing themselves on him. Soooo... yeah. It's a thing I guess. In the show it was a power thing, which may also explain a lot of the real life behaviors that are similar.

[Dena]

Possibly the reason you are confused is because you aren't using the correct term. The correct term for this is bullying. In high school I had my very own pair of bullies who targeted me because I was nearly 6 foot tall, 140 pounds and looked like an easy target. After bouncing me around a couple of time, I fought the first one by a well placed foot in the crotch multiple times. A few days latter the other one decided to take me on and it was a repeat of the previous  battle. Once I decide to fight, neither was able to lay a hand on me. After that neither me or my friend was ever bothered by those two again. A bully picks out the easiest target they can find and if they are wrong, they move on to another target.

One update, the first bully I latter learned served jail time as an adult. I am not sure what they locked him up for but my fight didn't change the person he was.

[Julia1996]

Possibly the reason you are confused is because you aren't using the correct term. The correct term for this is bullying. In high school I had my very own pair of bullies who targeted me because I was nearly 6 foot tall, 140 pounds and looked like an easy target. After bouncing me around a couple of time, I fought the first one by a well placed foot in the crotch multiple times. A few days latter the other one decided to take me on and it was a repeat of the previous  battle. Once I decide to fight, neither was able to lay a hand on me. After that neither me or my friend was ever bothered by those two again. A bully picks out the easiest target they can find and if they are wrong, they move on to another target.

One update, the first bully I latter learned served jail time as an adult. I am not sure what they locked him up for but my fight didn't change the person he was.

That's so cool. I love that you did that!
I would have loved to have kicked them in the oysters and would love to have had the size and strength to mess them up. But I will admit that I was totally afraid to fight back. Those guys were all 6 feet and over and the 2 who enjoyed messing with me the most were pretty jacked physically. I wouldn't have had a chance. As much as I totally hated the stuff they did to me at least they never hit me or beat me up.

[Dena]

The first one had at least 5 inches of hight on me. Most likely he was the tallest kid in school. The other was shorter than me but was built far more powerfully than me. I knew if it came down to hand to hand, I would have lost against either of them so I resorted to fancy foot work so I could maintain my distance from them.

I have always hated to fight but often I would have to defend my self against my brother and sister, sometimes both at the same time. You might lose but the point was to make them think twice before trying it again.

[Julia1996]

The first one had at least 5 inches of hight on me. Most likely he was the tallest kid in school. The other was shorter than me but was built far more powerfully than me. I knew if it came down to hand to hand, I would have lost against either of them so I resorted to fancy foot work so I could maintain my distance from them.

I have always hated to fight but often I would have to defend my self against my brother and sister, sometimes both at the same time. You might lose but the point was to make them think twice before trying it again.

That's what my dad said. He's been teaching me self defense stuff. He said it was like very unlikely that I could ever hope to defeat an attacker but that if I made it hard for him and hurt him as much as possible he might just give up or at least pause enough so I could get away.
Your brother and sister tried to beat you up? That's so sad.

[Dena]

Your brother and sister tried to beat you up? That's so sad.

Most of the time it was wrestling, something about being king of the hill. What they never understood was I didn't care about status. I only had status in their mind because I was the oldest. I was plenty happy if they just left me alone to do my own thing.

[MaryT]

Some are them are acting out on secret attractions they can't actually acknowledge so they turn it into a "joke".

I suspect that this is the explanation for the precise form in which the bullying of Julia took place.  I was also physically bullied but in my case there were no sexual overtones.

You might lose but the point was to make them think twice before trying it again.

That's a good plan if you can put up a good fight.  I'm 5' 4" myself and I did try to fight back.  My mother was always telling me to stand up for myself.  Nobody thought twice about attacking me again, though.  All I got were chipped teeth and broken glasses.  I remember everything going black at least once, although I could still hear voices.  Once, I even sank my teeth into a guy who was pinning me down.  To no avail, though.  In my case, with hindsight, I think that I would have been better off not resisting.

[Julia1996]

My dad always told me to report it to a teacher if someone messed with me. My brother always told me unless I was in real danger not to fight back. He said trying to fight a guy could make him really hurt me when he might not have intended to go that far. Since I transitioned , someone assaulting me has been a big fear for both my dad and brother and my dad has been teaching me basic self defense stuff. The same things he teaches when he teaches women's self defense classes. I really hope I never have a opportunity to use what he taught me.

[Julia1996]

I've been around a while and have never seen boys or men act like that.  Maybe you just live around some really low class people.

I live in a upscale Denver housing development,  as did the people at my high school, not a trailer park. And these were not people who I hung out with, in fact they were guys I totally hated. I minded my own business and didn't ask for any of the stuff they did and I certainly didn't like it.

[Bobbie LeAnn]

That's so cool. I love that you did that!
I would have loved to have kicked them in the oysters and would love to have had the size and strength to mess them up. But I will admit that I was totally afraid to fight back. Those guys were all 6 feet and over and the 2 who enjoyed messing with me the most were pretty jacked physically. I wouldn't have had a chance. As much as I totally hated the stuff they did to me at least they never hit me or beat me up.

Take it from someone who was short and skinny as a kid and had to learn to defend myself size and strength have nothing to do with it. When you are short and skinny speed is on your side.

[MaryT]

Take it from someone who was short and skinny as a kid and had to learn to defend myself size and strength have nothing to do with it. When you are short and skinny speed is on your side.

It is true that some small, wiry people are really good fighters.  If a heavyweight boxer were to fight a lightweight, though, I'd still put my money on the heavyweight.

[Deborah]

When I was in Jr. high I was bullied a lot although I managed to avoid having to fight.  When I got sent away from home at 13 to high school I swore to myself I would never allow myself to be bullied again.  The first month there I had to fight twice and both times subdued the bully with headlocks and without really hurting him.  Since then I have never had to physically defend myself again.


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[Tammy Jade]

This thread almost needs a trigger warning.

Julia I can relate to almost all of those situations having had many of them done to me but I would need to add a few things like being pushed head first into a toilet and having it flushed on you.

I was the second smallest and close to the weediest in my year and very feminine as such I was quite the easy target. I was lucky in some respects because there was a out gay guy that took a lot of flack that otherwise I may have worn but I still got my fair share.

I was never called a ->-bleeped-<- or gay.. they called me a girl,

I remember being payed out because I sat like a girl, I walked like a girl, I sounded like a girl (oh how I miss my voice) I was pushed into the girls toilets on more then one occasion and regularly humiliated at PE because the guys would tell me I was in the wrong change rooms. (Yes the irony isn't lost on me.)

But at the time I didn't know about being transgender and it was horrible being called a girl all the time. I blame it for being one of the main reasons that it took me so long to transition.

I never understood it either how can guys get away with obvious sexual acts and nothing is said. The number of times they dacked me of to check I had a .... or forced me to be on the girls team in PE was stupid.

For me it came to a head in year 10 when one of the guys used my head to break a window. It was really the last straw and I had a complete meltdown and went to a really dark place. Luckily my parents decided it was time to move me to a different school and things were much better but I still don't understand how school kids can get away with ->-bleeped-<- like that when in the workplace it would never be tolerated.


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[babu]

I've been verbally harassed with exactly that ->-bleeped-<- moniker at work, so much I had to leave. It seems sometimes that a guy cannot get it out of his mind, seemingly clinging to it and becoming fixated and taking it too far/ Unfortunately they deal with that by projecting an attack outwards instead of looking inside why they are fixated. As I'm not into confrontation what more could I say, as far as I knew at the time I was cis-male!

Looking back maybe it was obvious to some people before I even discovered. It's not the only example, and I didn't think I was feminine in anyway, but at that job it just kept up well beyond a joke. This is adults doing it mind you, a different time in a bit of a rough blue collar industry but that is no excuse, and I would've sued them if I'd known the employment law properly. I don't think age equals maturity when it comes to character.