I have been posting in the regular boards, but never made an introduction. So I'm now formally introducing myself. I'm Bari Jo, which is a shortened version of my birth first and middle name. This is the name my parents planned for me, but were surprised when they got a boy. Well, mom and dad, you'll get to use that name still;)
I knew I was trans from an early age, so did my parents. They asked me to transition in high school. All that was scary and overwhelming so I denied it. I repressed it my whole life, but GD has a way of peaking through. So over the past three decades I've spent so much time endulging and purging, shame and denial, isolation, social, but faking it. I never got married, my fantasy life would never allow that, never had a boyfriend, as I was too repressed. I tried transitioning secretly many times on diy and herbals. As it was secret, the shame and denial would kick in and I'd quit, then repress. But GD is wicked and always came back stronger.
Now, in my forties I'm finally admitting to myself that I am trans. I am not denying it any longer. I'm on HRT, going to a real doctor, going to group, making friends with other trans ladies. I do not want to be fake any more. I am transitioning for me, and am at peace, I think.
My family does not know I'm transitioning yet, but I think all of my immediate family will be supportive. I have come out to another, and it felt great. I will eventually come out to more, just waiting till changes are too noticeable and or/my beard is gone.
I am terrified of not passing, but have to be on HRT. I don't see any other way for me. The GD was starting to rule my life. My avatar is the female version of me from faceapp. I'm not cute like that, yet, I'm hopeful. I do have those crazy eyebrows, blessing and a curse.
I'm an artist, fine art, technical, and electronic. I'm striving to be more social and open, looking for friends both online and in person.
I think that's it, I'm Bari Jo.
