My dad likes tgirls...please help me

[Floritsgirl]

I am not new here, but created a new account because I am ashamed of posting this using my regular account.

I am a 19yr mtf...started transitioning 5 yrs ago. My mom got  remarried  2 months ago and now he lives with us. I have known him for more than a year now and things were respectful between us until recently when he found out about my history. He now looks at me differently when my mom isn't around. He has told me several times that I am very sexy and he wants to help me with my journey. He even asked me if I had BA as they look very nice. I am very disgusted by him and I try to avoid getting stuck with him alone at home as much as possible.  I have also seen some tgirl related adult sites in our home pc's history tab.

Please help me how I should bring this up to my mom. She thinks very highly of him and is madly in love. I am afraid as bringing this to get will makes things more awkward and that she might choose him over me.

[TinaVane]

If u bring it to ur mother. Please record ur dad perversion with u otherwise she will not believe u. This coming from a trans woman that has been raped and molested by her own blood brothers


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[esphoria]

Don't ignore your creep-o-meter.... sounds like he's making you uncomfortable.  If he's making you feel uncomfortable talk to your mother asap.  If he's just trying to be supportive and doesn't know how then he'll just shift his behavior, if he's a creeper then your mom has a right to know.... either way be safe

[LadyGreen]

I cant offer advice so i'll just say stay strong and feel free to vent without shame ( hes the one coming of as a pervert not you)

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[lilcuddlymouse]

My advice can only be based on my training for dealing with sexual harassment in the military and honestly only works if done early. You should talk to your step-father and tell him that he makes you uncomfortable when he comments on your looks. If you are uncomfortable about discussing this with him alone then find someone who is willing to be with you when you tell him. If he doesn't stop, or you can't bring yourself to talk to him, tell your mother about it and you can talk to him together, but it usually helps to not start accusing him of being a pervert or putting him on the defensive as it will escalate things needlessly. Maybe it's unintentional or maybe it isn't. As Esphoria said, maybe he is trying to be supportive but is very bad at it coupled with the fact that he may have a t-girl fetish. You shouldn't dislike him because of a fetish as long as he keeps it to himself, but dealing with the issue at the lowest level first without immediately assuming intent usually keeps things from getting worse. In case things do elevate and your mother doesn't believe you or want to believe you, I hope you have someone you can confide with and can help you deal with things in case you need to remove yourself from the situation.

[DawnOday]

Next time he comes in make sure to have the cellphone in your hand and record him to play back to your Mom.  If your Mom is like me, Stepdad will be walking down the road, kicking beer cans.

[noitsbecky]

I agree with lilcuddlymouse do not escalate the situation.  Maybe you have the wrong read on him and he is supportive and does not understand that his comments make you uncomfortable.  Based on what you said though he kind of sounds like a creeper.  So before the confrontation with either parents make sure you have a place you can stay and a go bag packed.  i would speak with your mum first and just say "look this is whats being said and it makes me uncomfortable i am not accusing anyone of anything i would just like the comments to stop and i am willing to talk to him about this with you there." 

My dad used to Rape me when i was a child when i got older upon confronting him he denied any wrong doing.  i left home and never returned.  The reason i say this is it takes a lot of courage to be trans and to start transition,  which it sounds like you did.  Now its time to mold your environment to fit you and to nurture you. 

you need to feel safe in your home and it sounds like you are not, i hope its a big misunderstanding and hes supportive, but in case he is not and this escalates you need to have a place you can go and feel safe so you can work on your next move.  I hope this helps and if you do not have the means to leave at the moment just be some were else when you would be home alone with him. like a park or the mall with friends or just sitting in your car.  Lock your door at night. 

I hope this helps
Always
Lilly     

[Lady Sarah]

Without hard evidence, your mother will not believe you.

My stepfather made several advances towards me. My mother never believed me when I told her. She would not even believe what was in his handwriting, on the love notes he wrote me. She was blinded by her own love for him.

Your mother may be just as blinded.

[JoanneB]

My former fiancee was raped a few times by her step-dad. He also did his own daughters. Her mom, ignored or didn't want to know, just sent her off to a boarding school to get her away from the creep.

The experience emotionally damaged her for life. So sad. So much so she went to an early grave

Definitely go armed with hard evidence like a recording or two. Not sure how or if the browser history will help, but might not hurt.

[Daisy Jane]

I agree with lilcuddlymouse. Most of my life, I've found that if someone is doing something that I don't like, I tell them how I feel about it. I try to do in a calm, non-emotional way without anger. At times, I've pointed out the behavior that I would prefer. It has generally worked for me, but as they say, YMMV.

All the best,
--AshleyP

I agree, but I would still record the incident so that if he reacts badly you can show your mom who he really is.

[Floritsgirl]

Thanks everyone for your support and help. I really dont want to escalate this and brush it under the rug. But he has crossed the limit several times. Besides things from my first post, he has said things like" If you go blonde, you will even look sexier than Sarina Valentina", " I wonder whats its like to be with someone like u".." what type of guys I like" and even on my clothing.

Do you guys still think that he is being supportive in a <not allowed> up way or he is a pervert

I want to record him but not sure how can I orchestrate that without getting caught.

[Charlie Nicki]

Definitely talk to him first and let him know you are uncomfortable talking about those things with him.If that doesn't work then go to your mom.

[Charlie Nicki]

Thanks everyone for your support and help. I really dont want to escalate this and brush it under the rug. But he has crossed the limit several times. Besides things from my first post, he has said things like" If you go blonde, you will even look sexier than Sarina Valentina", " I wonder whats its like to be with someone like u".." what type of guys I like" and even on my clothing.

Do you guys still think that he is being supportive in a <not allowed> up way or he is a pervert

I want to record him but not sure how can I orchestrate that without getting caught.

OMG! That is definitely creepy and gross. What do you say when he says things like that? Make sure to let him know that he needs to stop.

[kayla_iknowwhoiam]

totally creepy and gross, record him and tell your mom is my take on this.

[Lady Sarah]

Thanks everyone for your support and help. I really dont want to escalate this and brush it under the rug. But he has crossed the limit several times. Besides things from my first post, he has said things like" If you go blonde, you will even look sexier than Sarina Valentina", " I wonder whats its like to be with someone like u".." what type of guys I like" and even on my clothing.

Do you guys still think that he is being supportive in a <not allowed> up way or he is a pervert

I want to record him but not sure how can I orchestrate that without getting caught.

Surely, you have a cell phone or voice recorder. They make voice recorders small enough to hide in your clothes. The down side would be that your mom would probably think you egged him on.

[noitsbecky]

im going to go the pervert route, record his ass and show your mom.  my mom never belived me or my sibling.  im so sorry your going through this. 

[Dani2118]

Sweetheart, do you know anyone that has been in the Army or Marines [preferably Marines]? If you do, ask them how to defend yourself. Ask them to show you every dirty trick they were shown in training. He's a creep and it sounds like your going to need to defend yourself sooner rather than later. Get out of there if you can! I'm a really nice girl, sometimes too nice, but I've been pushed into to many corners to ever fight fair again. Remember this, your life is worth more than his fun.

[Julia1996]

I wasn't sure he was a perv based on your first post. Guys can be stupid and clumsy with compliments.  But the " I wonder what it's like to be with someone like you" comment screams PERV! That is something a parent should never say to a kid under any circumstance. It's just totally gross. Be careful with this guy. And if he tries anything just remember his balls. Squeeze them as hard as you can while pulling on them at the same time.

I hope everything works out ok for you.
Big hugs.

[lilcuddlymouse]

I agree that with more information it sounds like it is seriously crossing the line. You could probably just leave a recording app on your phone running whenever you are with him if you have space on your phone. If nothing happens you just delete the recording. His comments sound like they are moving from the area to sexual harassment and moving towards sexual assault. You can actually call the police if it has gotten severe enough and your mother doesn't believe you. Unfortunately the cops will require proof as well if it's just verbal still. You need to do something before it escalates further though, and even if he is a total pervert, confronting him over it (preferably with someone with you) might be all it takes to stop it.

Sexual assault can include:
•Any type of sexual contact with someone who cannot consent, such as someone who is underage, has an intellectual disability, or is passed out
•Rape
•Attempted rape
•Sexual coercion
•Sexual contact with a child
•Incest (sexual contact between family members)
•Fondling or unwanted touching above or under clothes

Sexual assault can also be verbal or visual. It is anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Examples can include:4
•Voyeurism, or peeping (when someone watches private sexual acts without consent)
•Exhibitionism (when someone exposes himself or herself in public)
•Sexual harassment or threats
•Forcing someone to pose for sexual pictures

Any easy thing you can do for self defense that requires very little practice is, if wearing shoes with a decently hard sole, scrape the side of your foot down the attackers shin in a kicking motion. If you do it right it will stop most people in their tracks.

[Daisy Jane]

Thanks everyone for your support and help. I really dont want to escalate this and brush it under the rug. But he has crossed the limit several times. Besides things from my first post, he has said things like" If you go blonde, you will even look sexier than Sarina Valentina", " I wonder whats its like to be with someone like u".." what type of guys I like" and even on my clothing.

Do you guys still think that he is being supportive in a <not allowed> up way or he is a pervert

I want to record him but not sure how can I orchestrate that without getting caught.

Ok, his behavior is clearly predatory. I think if you show her evidence she will take your side, but you should still have an exit plan in case she doesn't give him the boot.

You only need enough video of him to show he's the person talking to you. After that you just need to catch his voice. Walk into the room with your phone out like you're texting a friend, but really you're taking video. Then put it in your pocket or a bag with the mic facing out so it doesn't get muffled. Maybe do a test run with a friend to make sure the audio will be clear enough.