Dysphoria and Weed

[MirandaLove]

I just realized that the weird feeling of having a kind of "split personality" when high is the result my gender dysphoria.  I've always experienced this  since I took my first hit in my early twenties.  I know people often do and think crazy things when they are intoxicated, but this was much more. It was a feeling of being a completely separate parson, which made me afraid to smoke weed for a long time.  Eventually I came to prefer this other "person", but I was also embarrassed because it seemed so disconnected from my male identity.  My therapist has known about my use of weed for a couple of years now, and we were discussing it the other day.  She kept telling me, "That is you!  You are the same person!  That is the real you.  Your whole life you've felt disconnected from your outward expression and now you are bringing these together in synchronization."

So the feeling has faded mostly.  I still have to remind myself sometimes that I am the same person, but the best part is realizing that this fun, femme side of myself wasn't merely a drug-induced fantasy.  It was me seeking self-medication.  And now I know I can bring that same carefree spirit into my sober life.


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[Chloe]

That is the real you.

"""She don't lie She don't lie She don't lie . . . """ (Eric Clapton)

Miranda could tell ya stories "C" pushes me completely Over The TG Edge!!

Not a 'completely separate person' but rather the one you really need to be???

Don't like 'pot' never did to each their own??

[MirandaLove]

Not a 'completely separate person' but rather the one you really need to be???

Definitely I see that now.  I was always afraid to smoke weed because I was afraid I'd let go and be myself, only it was not the warm feeling of finally being myself, but rather the terrifying dread of being vulnerable and outed.

Once I came out to myself and effectively started my transition, this fear started to disappear.



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[Jessica Lynne]

Weed actually makes him come back with all "his" paranoid ideation. So I quit the weed. Poison to me.

[Chloe]

. . . the terrifying dread of being vulnerable and outed.

. . . paranoid ideation. So I quit the weed. Poison to me.

DITTO! Hateful stuff . . . Miranda LOL could tell funny stories you and I are definately NOT the strangest behaving people around!! B Friend "J" (now deceased)  used to lock every door and constantly peek out every closed window blind afraid someone would notice him running around the house BUTT NAKED!!

Felt privledged enough to be myself 'cause apparently I didn't count?? Did get LOCKED OUT once can still hear him whispering "who is it"?

Never felt paranoid while high only absolute peace & fulfillment!!

[Sarahthenerd]

I love weed! After having been on every antidepressant ever invented before 2000, and a few antipsychotics. They were all ineffective for me personally. Its the only thing that could "push" to think in a way that was helpful.

I can relate, it took years to figure that out on my own the reasons I like it so much. The problem I have besides the expense. And health concerns. Is that it is an escape trom reality, although temporary. I don't know how many pounds I have smoked on and off for 20 years or so using it, trying to kill that part of me that I hated. Not until recently have I made the connection that it has allowed me to explore myself without the shame I so often felt about my hidden side.

Actually when I decided it was time I finally did something proactive about my feelings, I was quite high and a little drunk. But I remember it clearly, and it has been my best decision so far, either sober or HAF.

There is nothing more fulfilling than getting glammed up just to smoke a dube. Maybe its the bright lipstick I leave on the roaches, maybe its nothing to do with the weed at all?

The only advice I have when it comes to weed.... make your own decisions.

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[OU812]

It can really help when you feel like you're emotionally up against a brick wall and need a "pull" to pull yourself through. It's almost like coffee in that regard. The two complement one another well, by the way.

Over a period of many years, you may find the effects it has on you and your sensitivity to it in general *vastly* change. For best results, go with it only as needed, and only as much as needed.

For discretion, get a stealthy vaporizer. You can be pretty brazen in public if you're talented, but nobody needs it to be one more thing drawing attention to yourself.