Okay so time for another big ol update. Things have been going well. It astounds me how sociable I have become lately. My phone is constantly buzzing at me as I keep four or five conversations going simultaneously. I enjoy chatting with people and have even made plans to hang out with a few. Looking back on my life I don't think it's so much that I was antisocial, so much as awkward and too busy being miserable. It's kind of sad to think that I could have been like this my whole life, but no use dwelling on that fact.
I feel very confident that my friendship with Lia is in the clear and we are going to be able to be good friends for a long time. All hints of awkwardness are gone and everything is as it was when we first became close friends, as if the last few months never happened. It's funny I was on Skype with a friend and I got a text message. I checked the message and she asked me if it was Lia that had sent the message. Apparently my face must light up. I told her that her and her crush totally need to go on a double date with my wife and I. I am so glad these past few months of killing myself over things turning sour are over.
As many of you know I am not the most pleased with my job. Things have improved over the past few weeks. I'm still not happy with the pay, but it still serves it's purpose in paying the bills (mostly). Earlier this week I had my evaluation, which was quite good, obviously. The manager informed me that they are going to make me a full-time employee since I am valuable to the department and have been pretty much working full-time hours for months now. If I wanted to, which long term planning-wise I don't, I could easily move up in the company. For the moment I am content to sit where I am at. I have too much life happening over the next few months to risk it. My pay won't change with the bump to full-time, but I won't have to worry about not getting my hours in. Plus I'll earn paid time off at over twice the rate of before. Maybe I'll actually get to take a vacation someday [emoji23].
It's pretty funny though because this happened the same day that I scheduled an interview for a part time job with another place. I figure we could use the income to catch up and pad the bank account. I have a friend who does massage at a float spa. She told me how short handed they are. So I sent my resume off and set up an interview. Even with the change to full-time at my current place I would like to pick this up. I have been working 40 a week anyway so there really is no change to my availability. I'm excited to have a job where I don't have to dress in khakis and a polo. The primary business there is floating. Supposedly, it's very relaxing, but the maintenance and cleaning are significant for the staff. As part of the interview I apparently am going to float for an hour first and then we will have the interview. Not a bad deal since it costs about $80 to do so. I guess employees get to float for free too. I could use some relaxation in my life. I hope it pans out.
I had to get my car inspected. This is the last year it will pass without extensive and really expensive work. I am pretty sure the only reason it passed this year was because my mechanic was being really really nice. So sometime over the next year we have to decide whether to fix it or get a different vehicle. Neither are great options. Personally, I lean towards getting a tiny rice burner that is super cheap to run. I do way too much driving these days.
I got my lab results back for my upcoming endocrinologist visit. I am not pleased. I am not pissed either, just frustrated. On the positive everything looks good with my liver. I had a lipid panel done too (for a different Dr) and that looks absolutely amazing. So I'm healthy at least. My testosterone is still at 100.5. we can't go any higher on the spironolactone due to potassium concerns. I am still on the dosage we started at there. My estradiol was 123.1. this is slightly lower than it was 9 months ago. This is despite raising the dosage. I am quite literally at the highest dosage we will go. I mean yes it's in the female ranges but we would like to see that number up over 150.
My theory is that my body is converting too much estradiol to estrone. I don't have numbers to back that up, but I literally can't think of any other reason. I will have to revisit some arguemebts I had previously with my Dr. I don't see the need to try something different as far as antiandrogens are concerned. I broached that subject back when the potassium problem first showed up and he didn't seem amenable. The factories are going to be removed sometime in the next year anyway and I can live with it where it's at. I will however discuss switching to injections. I tried patches and didn't have very good absorption. However, my Dr really doesn't like injections and says that it is really hard to get stable levels. I understand his logic, but seeing as we've exhausted oral and can't seem to keep levels that stable anyway I feel his concern is unfounded in this case. All said and done I've been feeling pretty good and have had good feminization over the past 20 months. It really just irks me to not even be allowed to try something that might work better. Anecdotal accounts of people on injections seem really positive. I may have to consider switching Doctors too.
I dyed my hair two days ago and it got dark. I thought I had grabbed the same dye, but I guess I had accidentally grabbed the next darker shade. Since my hair was already still fairly red it really took it. This shade has an almost purplish/eggplant tone to it. It looks good and I've been getting some good compliments, but it will take some adjustments. I'm not unhappy with it, but it wasn't what I was going for. Apparently I can rock every color, but my natural one.
I finally got a hair cut yesterday. The stylist was so nice. I am usually very awkward in the chair, but she was so nice and sociable we chatted the whole time. This is the first time I've ever felt like "one of the girls" there. It still surprised me sometimes that other people have no clue I'm trans. We got to talking about her husband and "men". When a phrase like, "I just don't understand what men are thinking sometimes" pops up it is really hard not to chime in with first hand experience. I have finally shifted from short straight bangs to a longer sideswept bang. It looks nice, but it does make me a little self conscious about my widow's peak and forehead.
I ran into a friend I haven't seen in a few months yesterday. She asked me if I had lost weight. I have actually only lost 5 pounds over the last 3 months or so. I told her I still have 20 to lose and she balked. I told her it's to get under the BMI requirement to have surgery (she knows I'm trans). She was confused and asked how much I weigh. The look of disbelief on her face when I told her I weigh 215 was very amusing. I have always carried weight really well, plus now days it has been migrating to the right areas. We made plans to get together this evening. Should be good times. She gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. It was so sweet, but I am still so awkward about such things.
Since I'm on the subject of physical appearance, I have noticed that I am turning into an hourglass shape. I be want fully sure what to expect when I started, but I didn't really expect the "ideal" shape. My sister's are both pears and my mom is closer to an apple. Apparently though when my mom was younger she was an hourglass shape as well. I was walking downtown the other day and caught a glimpse of my reflection in some glass. I really don't see any hint of the guy I used to be left at all. I really am looking pretty good these days and it's only going to get better as I shed these last pounds.
I was taking with Sara last night recounting my lunch break at work taking with some of my coworkers. The one is relatively new and this is the first I've interacted. I was joking about how I hang out with the pretty girls now days and how that's a change from the sky awkward me from before who wouldn't even approach a pretty girl. Then I sort of gasped as it dawned on me and said, oh my God am
I one of the pretty girls now too? What happened to me? Lol. I then noticed that almost all my friends are young pretty girls. Holy crap the real me is so much different than the old me. All these things that I never would have expected when I started.
I went to the gym the other day and decided to try tanning to mitigate my ghostly visage. Being a complete newb and too proud to ask advice I may have over done it a little. By may, I mean I totally did. By that evening I totally had some very uncomfortable sunburn on my upper thighs, stomach, back, groin (luckily I was smart enough to cover genitals), and butt cheeks. It is really uncomfortable to try to sleep with a sunburnt butt. Also my bra line got hit pretty good so that has made work so pleasant. It's going away now but it's at that itchy stage. I feel so crass constantly scratching my butt and under my boobs. Just beware Danielle, I'm getting ready for the bikini weather photo shoot [emoji39].
Here's the photos I snapped and put up on the fabulous thread for those that don't follow it.
