It's Halloween so it's time for a spooky update. Really it's just an update, but I feel like I've been a ghost so semi-spooky [emoji16]
The house issues have been solved and we aren't going to lose the house. Finances are going to be tight because of it, but at least it's solved. I have a few ideas on possible income streams, we will see what pans out. I applied for the supervisor position for the 2nd shift of my current job. I should find out in the next week or two. Not tooting my own horn, but I am the most qualified candidate that I am aware of. Unfortunately, I have my doubts as to getting it because of favoritism. I have never been much of a suck up and that does seem to factor into managements decisions in these areas. I know of two candidates that if they get it, I'm out. I'm hoping because I feel the change in hours would be beneficial and the pay raise would be substantial.
We went to the Renaissance faire on Saturday. I managed to get one picture in when it wasn't raining. Unfortunately it was cold and rainy all day and we called it early due to the children. It's a shame because it's usually such a good time but this outing was just nothing but stress and it was the last weekend so we won't be getting there again this year. I had to borrow money if my father just to make this happen in the first place. I ran into to friends there that I haven't seen in about 4 years. They are aware of my transition but hadn't seen me. That was really nice to reconnect.
The stress of everything and just some bad interpersonal interactions set me off on a nasty depression spell. I haven't had one that lasted for 3 days in quite a while. I recovered eventually, but the timing was not great. I was on a roll getting things done and fixing my life and that just dialed all the progress right back. I have a lot yet that I need to fix. My house has gone to quite the state of disrepair, my side projects left unattended, and just things in general aren't great.
I have unfortunately come to the conclusion that my family life is one of the major things bringing me down. I am mostly out of options as to how to fix it. The reality is that I was never cut it to be a "family man". I never wanted kids in the first place and I did it for my wife. I love my kids, but ultimately this lifestyle is anathema to me and who I am. In reality my marriage died years ago. It's not miserable, per se, but it's more like living with your best friend than anything else. Over the past few months I have come to accept that deep down things won't last. I don't know when things will end, but at some point things will reach a breaking point. I have discussed my feelings at length with my wife and it seems like she knows it too, just didn't want to aknowleged it. In the mean time I search for the is that causes the least amount of pain for all parties.
Sorry to end this on a downer, but not much else is going on worthy of mentioning. Happy Halloween folks. Expect pictures of my in my costume all done up at a later point.
