Grrr, why is this so complicated?

[amberwaves]

Sorry for the outburst. Thank you for all the support.  Super monumentally long, detailed and important update forthcoming when I have time.  For now I just want everyone to know that I am okay and things are going to be good.

[Northern Star Girl]

Sorry for the outburst. Thank you for all the support.  Super monumentally long, detailed and important update forthcoming when I have time.  For now I just want everyone to know that I am okay and things are going to be good.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
Aweeee... there's my favorite redhead again... thank you for checking in to let us, your fans and followrs, know that you are OK.  Very much appreciated.

Looking forward to your next update, but only when you have the time and inclination to post it... it is just very nice to hear from you and to know that you are still alive and kicking.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

[Allison S]

Of course she's alive... This isn't life or death and Amber has many more decades I'm sure.
Still, the ups and downs are intense and exhausting in life... I know that. I have doubts too, but when we strip ourselves what are we left with? A human shell technically. But our personalities, likes and dislikes are still there. What could you add on to the "shell" that will make you at least tolerate your existance (before loving it, of course...)?

That's how I view being trans myself.... I was given this "shell" and I get to pick and choose things I like and dislike. It's not the same day to day either. I guess this is my train of thought around being trans? Or maybe being on hrt?

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Lacy]

Sorry for the outburst. Thank you for all the support.  Super monumentally long, detailed and important update forthcoming when I have time.  For now I just want everyone to know that I am okay and things are going to be good.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time, but glad to here you are okay.

Better to let everything out in a burst, then hold it inside to fester. Hope you have a happy day today!

Lacy

[amberwaves]

I think I lied earlier.  I'm not okay.  I can't get into right now, but things are bad.

[Northern Star Girl]

I think I lied earlier.  I'm not okay.  I can't get into right now, but things are bad.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber....   
*Sad Face*   
Please PM me ASAP!!!!
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[amberwaves]

I will remain alive. I do not wish to talk about it or anything else. Thank you for your concern.

[Northern Star Girl]

I will remain alive. I do not wish to talk about it or anything else. Thank you for your concern.

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
I hear you loud and clear.... 

However, do know that I will be thinking of you and trusting that all will be OK.
Hugs [emoji173]
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Okay time for the super huge mega update.  Please bear with me on this because it's a lot (no exaggeration) and might sound kind of rambling.  I do not lie when I say the last two weeks or so have been the hardest in my life and have made transition look like a cake walk by comparison.

As I have mentioned before there have been problems in my marriage.  After months of dealing with a slowly dying marriage and numerous talks between us on how to recover that spark, we decided that we are going to fully open our marriage and each of us would be allowed to start dating.

My wife surprised me greatly by downloading a dating app and interacting with a few individuals.  I was very proud of her for taking a positive step and surprised because she is naturally very shy and resistant to change.  She had a significant amount of interest and really put herself out there talking to folks.  Throughout this whole process she was very upfront that she was married and that was not changing.

By the end of the week she had found someone close enough and nice enough that she decided to meet them for coffee. She went out Friday night for coffee and I had to continue to reassure her and prompt her not to chicken out.  She had a very pleasant evening and really connected with this gentleman.  The three of us went to the movies the next day so that the two of us could meet.  He is indeed a very nice gentleman and I can see why she likes him.

Well things have immediately gone to warp speed and they are definitely an item and he's been around almost every day.  I understand the new relationship excitement aspect.  I had been trying for months to mentally prepare myself for this sort of thing.  However, some things you just can't prepare for no matter how hard you try.  I had a few days where I completely lost my self control and sank incredibly deep into misery.  Thankfully we managed to talk through things.  Now it's just a case of adjusting to the new normal.  I have hope that we are going to figure everything thing out and be one big, happy, weird family.  For a few days I lost that hope.  Luckily my wife has truly stepped up to the plate and been my rock through all of this.

Sorry for worrying everyone lately.  It's just been so much so fast that I hadn't fully had time to adjust.

[Northern Star Girl]

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
Thank you for posting your update letting your followers know that you are working through your life's issues and coming to a better place with how you feel that things with your family and future are unfolding.

As things for you continue on in your life events please keep your followers updated but only as you feel comfortable doing so.
Many Hugs [emoji173]
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Well I didn't get that promotion.  Time to go back to the job hunt.  I just wish it didn't destroy my self esteem everything something like that happens. (Not looking for it or encouragement. I am well aware hope dysfunctional that thinking is)

[Northern Star Girl]

Well I didn't get that promotion.  Time to go back to the job hunt.  I just wish it didn't destroy my self esteem everything something like that happens. (Not looking for it or encouragement. I am well aware hope dysfunctional that thinking is)

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
                     
Hugs,
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Time for an update.  I didn't get that promotion, as I said before.  It rocked my confidence for about 2 days but I recovered.  I'm back to the job hunt again. Perhaps with all the changes that have been happening lately I'll find now motivation to try harder.

Things at home are approaching a level of normality finally.  This is a good thing.  Everything just happened so fast that it was so surreal and hard to adjust.  Now that things have settled down it's time to get on with life.  Shawn has been over almost every day and even sent the holiday with us.  He's nice. Amber #2 had been over almost everyday too.  I don't fully know what's going on with that situation.  We aren't a couple but friends doesn't do justice to it either.  I don't know why anything surprises me anymore because my life and relationships are pretty much anything but normal.

A few days ago my friend Lia waltzed right back into my life after dropping off the map for like 3 months.  I've really missed her and I am so glad to be taking to her again.  She is trying to get back with her boyfriend, who doesn't care for her talking with me since we had a thing back in the day.  I really hope she doesn't disappear again if they do.  In a strange turn of events I visited her and we ended up making out a bit.  For both of us it seemed like we were just answering the question of what it would be like if we had gotten together.  It was most surreal.  Neither of us are going to pursue anything farther down that avenue.

In a sad turn of events I found it that I will be losing my therapist.  She is taking a different position and I will have to find another one by January.  That is a shame because I really like her as a therapist and she had been incredibly helpful during our time together.  She is going to give me a few recommendations of potentially good fits for me to continue my work on becoming a better person.

[Northern Star Girl]

@amberwaves
My dear Amber:
You have been missing in action for 3 weeks and I have been very much missing reading your updates and your continuing life story.

Hugs and well wishes,  hoping to see an update from you very soon.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@amberwaves
My Dear Amber:
I know that you have been going though some difficult times and I am always think of you and wishing you well.
In spite of any of your disappointments and discouragement I trust that you will be able to find the joy and happiness that you deserve so I am giving you my expression of the holiday season that we are now in:
wishing you a very
   MERRY CHRISTMAS
and a prosperous and
Happy   NEW YEAR  in 2019

Hugs and as always, Well Wishes
Danielle

[amberwaves]

Okay long long over due update.  Things are going well.  After some initial rough spots the wife and I have really settled into the new relationship dynamics.  I finally started dating a few weeks ago and have had incredible amounts of interest.  I've have gone on over 6 dates now and I'm keeping things casual.  There is a girl I found whom I am considering something semi-serious with.  The holidays really put a damper on trying to schedule anything though.

In other news my wife ditched her boyfriend because he became way to clingy.  This was a good move and I'm proud of her for being adult enough to make the hard decision.  It's nice to have a bit more peace around the house. She is already back on the scene and now knows she doesn't want something super serious.

Christmas was nice.  As always it was a bit hectic and stressful, but the kids got all they wanted so I'm happy.  New year's Eve might be lame because I work the next morning at an ungodly hour.  I'm theoretically supposed to go out with a trans friend of mine and show her how to flirt like a champ [emoji23].

[Allison S]

Oh wow you and your wife definitely have redefined the meaning of "marriage" in a way... Now that's gutsy and, hey as long as you're having fun! Lol

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

@amberwaves
Dear Amber:
To my favorite RedHead on the Forums...
It was wonderful for me to meet you on the Forums this past year...
I have so much enjoyed getting to know you and following your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your life events with all of us.   

I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you on your thread, my thread, and on various threads around the Forums.
Obviously some bumps in the road that all of us experience so continue to hang on for an exciting ride.  I will continue to be one of your biggest fans and always know that I will be rooting for your success.
 
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates in the New Year in 2019.

Wishing you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR   in 2019...

Hugs and as always, well wishes.

Danielle

[amberwaves]

Sorry for being quiet lately. Honestly not terribly much to report.  A few dates, a new dungeons and dragons campaign, snow, renewed motivation to be better, etc.

[KathyLauren]

Thank you for checking in, Amber.  Sometimes steady-as-she-goes is a good thing.  I am happy that you have a social life, and that you are motivated.