One year I suggested to my wife I'd like to go to the company Halloween party as a woman. I just realized that that this was almost 30 years ago! I had dysphoria, though of course it wasn't called that then, but transitioning wasn't even on the table. I was cross-dressing almost daily, and she knew about it. She was worried for me that I'd end up feeling embarrassed if others made fun of me. We'd seen what happened the year before when a coworker wore a nurse costume with balloons for boobs that everyone was determined to pop. His bright red beard completed the ensemble. He was teased unmercifully at the party and for weeks afterward. Of course, that was what he was shooting for. I had wanted to be as authentic as possible - and back then it would have been a lot easier than now - but it's likely the teasing would have been much different, along with a lot of uncomfortable questions. I never ended up doing it. Probably for the best.
I did, however, use the holiday every year as an excuse to buy myself more clothes. I even went so far one year as asking the sales lady to help me pick out the right clothes because we were "all going to dress like a coworker we all liked." I still have that top, though it's 25 years out of date.
As for now, I completely agree with Kathy. In fact, I had to explain exactly that to my wife yesterday, in almost exactly the same words. Kathy, we think so much alike it's uncanny. I wish we lived closer together. I'd love to sit down over coffee and just talk.
Steph
