How did you manage Social Media as you transitioned?

[Tommie_9]

Not too well. My only FB account was previously for my LGBT friends and allies only. A former friend found me and outed me after I let my guard down just for a second when I replied to a post on our University's alumni FB page. What are the odds of him seeing that one and only reply and following it to my FB page? The blow back was not good. That's not a good way to come out to someone you didn't trust with the information. I disclosed to my siblings, their grown children, cousins, and I'm sure all of their friends know by now. So, what the heck, I just opened it up to all of them. The right-wing conservative, religious ones, which is almost all of them, stopped following me and never reply to my posts. The few moderate/liberal ones like and reply to my posts, which are rarely political in nature. I mainly go there to keep up with what's happening in their lives, since we don't talk any other way. Our trans group has a "closed" FB page, so I post and reply trans related stuff there. I haven't touched my LinkedIn page - still the in the closet Thomas with an old profile photo, not the out of the closet, current photo, gender queer Tommie. Assume the entire world knows if you use any social media.

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

You're a blast - I can tell!

Rowena_Ellenweorc love your poem too - or at least the portion you shared. We all have a story and those of us willing to share it find comfort in the telling.  At least that's my experience.

Managing 2 accounts is far too tedious for me.  You seem to have plenty of energy though so rock on!

Kelly

I assume you mean the one in my signature? Thank you... I've been doing a lot of writing of my feelings about it, (encouraged by therapist too).  Writing it really is the only way I'm any good expressing my feelings lol.

[LaRell]

My personal experience with social media:   I never intended to publicly "come out" that way.  But it ended up happening kind of by mistake.  And the reactions I got were somewhat expected, yet somewhat surprising at the same time.

  Some of my long time Facebook friends were very mean and treated me like I just admitted to being a murdering rapist or something.  Family members lost their minds.  I even had some long time friends and acquaintences actually send myself and my wife supportive, loving messages that were totally not expected to let us know that they still love and care about us, and that they will always love me no matter what. 

  I used my existing Facebook that I've had for many years, and over 400 facebook friends, and I simply posted a short video clip of Bill Nye talking about gender identity being on a spectrum.  And then one of my cousins got on there saying how much he is full of crap, and acting like she knew everything there was to know about gender identity and how transgender people are just confused and things, so I had to comment back in defense of the science and in defense of transgender people, and in the process of back and forth comments, I ended up letting it out that I was "one of them" ha ha.   So a whole storm erupted and all of my family members, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and things saw all of this go down, then they all lost their conservative Mormon minds.   

  So needless to say, I am glad that I live like 4 states away from them all, and my Facebook profile is currently deactivated, as I live my life in peace and happiness with my wife who loves and supports me, as well as her great family who loves and supports me for who I am.  Pretty sad that my wife's family is being so much more loving and accepting than my own is.  So yeah, that's my social media coming out experience.   I work for my parents business.  A position I can work from home, so you could say I am out at work as well.  Ha ha  So nice to be able to wear what ever I want as I sit at home working.  And when it comes to GCS, I won't have to miss out on as much work as I would if I had a different job.

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

So a whole storm erupted and all of my family members, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and things saw all of this go down, then they all lost their conservative Mormon minds.   

Oh... my... gosh... Its not just me who has a family like that!!!!!!!!!!! And yes I mean 'losing conservative Mormon minds.'  Like I kid you not... my family on my mom's side has pretty much ostracized any LGBTQIA+ family members.  They're the 'black sheep' of the family.  'Oh no... [Cousin Joe] wants to bring his partner for dinner.  I can't allow that, his partner has to stay home.' This is so much what I'm afraid of with coming out on my FB page lol.  But screw it... if/when I do, in the end the people who are good true Christian/Mormon people will remain by my side.  The others, screw them. (And yes I had a specific cousin in mind, and yes I changed his name).  My Granddaddy ... part of it is the fact he's getting senile in his old age, but he literally flat out says that he doesn't like his gay grandchildren. (Course the first time he met my husband, he told him that [Rowena] doesn't listen.)

I have been posting a few more trans related things on my page lately, surprisingly though, people on my page seem to be very... what's the word... understanding I guess?  Course I do usually preface with the who thumper policy of 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' so that may do away with it.

[Kelly H]

LaRell - thanks for sharing that story!  I have a few of those in my family as well but they live far away and I have little contact with them.

I saw my therapist this morning and we talked about this.  She is a fan of making an announcement.  I control the conversation that way... Interesting point of view and one I think my wife will share.  We'll have to talk about it.  Above all I want to be sensitive to other's point of view, the same I would ask they be sensitive of mine.

[Kelly H]

I assume you mean the one in my signature? Thank you... I've been doing a lot of writing of my feelings about it, (encouraged by therapist too).  Writing it really is the only way I'm any good expressing my feelings lol.

Yup - that's the one... The only one I've seen so far....
Feel free to share more...

[Kelly H]

Assume the entire world knows if you use any social media.

Tommie

Sorry to hear that didn't go well... If its out there someone will find it for sure.  As much as I'm a fan of controlling the conversation I've been burned before.  Not with this issue but with others...  My approach is going to be proactive.  Since my company values diversity and inclusion I think I'll just change my name and picture on LinkedIn and not comment.

Thinking about how to announce on Facebook.  I can probably adapt one of the letters I've used for close friends...

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Kelly  OX

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

Yup - that's the one... The only one I've seen so far....
Feel free to share more...

Looool well since you assssssssked...  https://fierymamarow.deviantart.com/gallery/25427911/Me <-- that's everything that I wrote about me/my feelings/being trans/etc...

[Tommie_9]

By the way, Kelly, that's a cute hairstyle. It fits you.

[Kelly H]

By the way, Kelly, that's a cute hairstyle. It fits you.

Why thank you so much Tommie!

You are very kind

[Kelly H]

Looool well since you assssssssked...  https://fierymamarow.deviantart.com/gallery/25427911/Me <-- that's everything that I wrote about me/my feelings/being trans/etc...

AWESOME!!  i guess i'm deviant now...  LOL

[Tammy Jade]

Well I just did a coming out post and then updated my details to reflect my new name and kept the same account.

I shared it as a public post so everyone and their friends could see it and let the cards fall where they may..

My post is in the link:

https://www.facebook.com/tamara.jade.brice/posts/1393723297384588


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[TashaL]

I changed name and details and never said a thing or made a big deal. I highly discourage this idea. Several hateful people lingered on in my friends list. If I would have been open and loud about it I would have been able to rid them from my lives sooner.

[Rowena_Ellenweorc]

AWESOME!!  i guess i'm deviant now...  LOL

Haha!  Isn't everyone? *grins*

I know, I know, bad joke lol.

[LaRell]

I changed name and details and never said a thing or made a big deal. I highly discourage this idea. Several hateful people lingered on in my friends list. If I would have been open and loud about it I would have been able to rid them from my lives sooner.

That is exactly why I started posting pro LGBTQ stuff and transgender articles and things.  Because I wasn't quite ready to come out yet, but I was doing it as a test to see which of my "friends" responded negatively, and those friends were going to get the boot before they even got a chance to find out I was trans.  But an interesting thing that happened, is a couple of the ones I expected to be negative, actually ended up being very supportive and were the ones who sent actual personal messages telling me that they will always love and appreciate me and that this changes nothing.  It shocked the heck out of me.  Can't always judge how people are going to respond, and can't be too quick to write them off.  They may turn out to be your biggest supporters.

[Tammy Jade]

That is exactly why I started posting pro LGBTQ stuff and transgender articles and things.  Because I wasn't quite ready to come out yet, but I was doing it as a test to see which of my "friends" responded negatively, and those friends were going to get the boot before they even got a chance to find out I was trans.  But an interesting thing that happened, is a couple of the ones I expected to be negative, actually ended up being very supportive and were the ones who sent actual personal messages telling me that they will always love and appreciate me and that this changes nothing.  It shocked the heck out of me.  Can't always judge how people are going to respond, and can't be too quick to write them off.  They may turn out to be your biggest supporters.

I had the same experience I had one person who I was 100% certain was not going to take it well and if anything our differing views have brought us closer.. it's weird he is still anti everything LBGT but he told me our friendship shouldn't be effected just because we have different beliefs and to his credit he has been really supportive and even helped me out with a few transition medical things.


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[Charlie Nicki]

Well I just did a coming out post and then updated my details to reflect my new name and kept the same account.

I shared it as a public post so everyone and their friends could see it and let the cards fall where they may..

My post is in the link:

https://www.facebook.com/tamara.jade.brice/posts/1393723297384588


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Hey Tamara, I read all of it including the answers. You got a lot of support! That is awesome and very heart warming.

[Tammy Jade]

Hey Tamara, I read all of it including the answers. You got a lot of support! That is awesome and very heart warming.

I think a lot of people presume the worst of those around them.. I was expecting to wake up the following morning to a world of pain and hurtful comments.. particularly given my very mucho social circle

Needless to say I was completely blown away. The world is changing I think people
are becoming more accepting all the time. I am so glad I made an announcement.. it was what my gender councillor suggested and I was really glad that I was able to clear the air before to many people had the opportunity to spread rumours.


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[AshleyPixune]

I had originally created a separate Facebook page and had some friends/family follow it to give out info about my transition without having to repeat myself. But eventually I said "F@#$ it!" And just announced it on my own page instead. I tend to keep my transition stuff to that page still, mostly, but here and there bin out things on my own page, such as a picture, or a piece of trans related news. I added my female name to my main page as a nick name, but as I transition I'll change it completely. At least, that's what I'm expecting to do.

[RavenMoon]

I have two different Facebook accounts, the old me and the future me. The old me looks exactly like the future me. Lol. I suspect many people figured out I'm trans. When the time comes I will out myself on the old profile, complete with name change.

Until then I keep them separate with only a few people that are friends on both.


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