less obvious

[Ro]

so, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

that's actually a big reason I've been feeling blue lately... I don't see anything like that in myself. childhood: boyish, played outside and got dirty with boys, looked like a boy. teens: boyish, puberty hit hard and early, would say I was a cute guy but not feminine. body: 6'3 (disaster), narrow hips, could be a werewolf if I worked at it. there's just no indicators anywhere, which really makes me doubt myself...

I'm not alone, right? I know most trans women can follow a trail of girly clues up to the point they realized they were trans, but having none really makes me feel... fake, I guess. like I'm sure a lot of you have felt at some point, but even worse. this has really been eating me up lately and giving me the feeling what I am and what I want to be are even further apart than I thought

also I hope this kind of thread is okay

[Artesia]

so, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

that's actually a big reason I've been feeling blue lately... I don't see anything like that in myself. childhood: boyish, played outside and got dirty with boys, looked like a boy. teens: boyish, puberty hit hard and early, would say I was a cute guy but not feminine. body: 6'3 (disaster), narrow hips, could be a werewolf if I worked at it. there's just no indicators anywhere, which really makes me doubt myself...

I'm not alone, right? I know most trans women can follow a trail of girly clues up to the point they realized they were trans, but having none really makes me feel... fake, I guess. like I'm sure a lot of you have felt at some point, but even worse. this has really been eating me up lately and giving me the feeling what I am and what I want to be are even further apart than I thought

also I hope this kind of thread is okay

Hello.  I didn't realize it myself for a long while.  Looking back at my old pictures, there are tells there.  My parents told me, after I talked to them about transitioning, that I refused to learn to stand and pee, and that it made more sense now.  So I knew, but didn't know.  I wouldn't say I had a very noticeable trail, I had to dig to find it.  For me it was there, just covered very well.

[Dena]

Nobody ever guessed that I had a secret. Even one of my therapist thought I was to masculine to transition. As for height, I am much shorter than you at 6'2". I was raised to be able to fix or build things and in addition to learning any thing I could, I was interested in photography, electronics and latter computer programming. There were some signs I can see in hindsight but at the time I saw nothing abnormal about my behavior.

We have people who managed to survive into their 50s and 60s without being aware of their transgender status. Others were aware of it but were able to confine them for years.

You are not that dissimilar from what many of us felt. Yes, there are some on the site who new very young and expressed it but this site exit for all types.

[Complete]

"So, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

I wouldn't be so sure. Despite my absolute knowledge, at a very early age, that l would eventually grow up to be a woman,  l was not particularly girly. Even after nearly 50 years living as the woman l am, l am still not particularly femme. I never get misgendered despite wearing predominantly male clothes and standing almost 5'10. Must be all those hormones l've been taking for so long.
My point is all those "tells " are meaningless. The docs who examined me when l was about 10 years old tried putting me in that box. Didn't work then, still won't work. I occasionally girly up, but it is rarely my norm.
So in my opinion being trans is not much of a goal or even a useful description. It has such a wide all inclusive definition as to be most anything.
If you cannot clearly define or articulate who you are or where you are going, how can/will you ever get there?

[Jailyn]

Well to say the least, not all of us have the same things or same indicators. Some may not have any of them or may have more. We are all different and definitely don't fit a prototypical box. Each of us comes to the realization we are transgender in different ways and with different things that precipitated it. So no worries either you feel it's you or maybe you aren't but, ultimately there is no checklist to say you are or not. Good luck!!!!!

[Ro]

I think I would be happier fit in a box

[Dena]

If you fit in a box you would be CIS. I read the introductions and almost every post longer than a couple of lines makes me think transgender. It's not so much a box or a pattern but it is a feel about their personality. I think you at the right place to deal with you feelings. What your going to do about it is up to you as only you know enough to decide that.

[FinallyMichelle]

But you do. You fit into a hundred different boxes. None of us are only one thing, we are many, many things.
If your feminine box was hard to see, it was probably because all of your other boxes obscured the view.

[Harley Quinn]

Quite the opposite, quite a few trans women that were rough and tumble. I was in the Army, Airborne, Special Forces Support, Biker, Mechanic, etc...  Granted I cross dressed on occasion, and even did drag, but infrequent compared to my man time.  Even at 5'11, I feel no less authentic than any or the other girls here. In fact my cis female friends are 6' and taller. My grandmothers and ALL my aunts are all 6' and over. So height is not a determinate factor, and neither is "boy/girl stereotypes"/gender roles. Its all bunk at the end of the day... if you believe yourself to be a woman then you are a woman. You must be trans to willingly sign up for this pain in the ass life. Trans is nothing a person would just volunteer for... if you say your Trans, I will believe you whole heartedly. Being you, boyish or girly or even a combination of the two..., being yourself and being comfortable with what that is is all we really want.

[Jailyn]

Quite the opposite, quite a few trans women that were rough and tumble. I was in the Army, Airborne, Special Forces Support, Biker, Mechanic, etc...  Granted I cross dressed on occasion, and even did drag, but infrequent compared to my man time.  Even at 5'11, I feel no less authentic than any or the other girls here. In fact my cis female friends are 6' and taller. My grandmothers and ALL my aunts are all 6' and over. So height is not a determinate factor, and neither is "boy/girl stereotypes"/gender roles. Its all bunk at the end of the day... if you believe yourself to be a woman then you are a woman. You must be trans to willingly sign up for this pain in the ass life. Trans is nothing a person would just volunteer for... if you say your Trans, I will believe you whole heartedly. Being you, boyish or girly or even a combination of the two..., being yourself and being comfortable with what that is is all we really want.

I love what you said and sums up what we are all striving for here. Just being comfortable with ourselves and all we are. I have a manager that tells me all the time "you do you." For me that I have so much meaning in that small phrase now. Do you and don't worry about what others say.

[Deborah]

Despite believing I was trans from age 11 I was not effeminate at all.  It was the exact opposite in fact with multiple varsity sports in high school, football, wrestling, and track and later the most masculine things I could manage in the Army: Infantry, Airborne, and Ranger.  I was pretty good at all those things too.

There is no stereotype that's going identify a trans person.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Roll]

so, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

I never looked girly, I have neutral but definitely not feminine features once you remove some of the blatant tells (this surprised me, because I thought my face was way more masculine than it is until I started doing makeup), and acting girly is debatable. I definitely had signs, and plenty of them, but never that big singular giveaway that I think is what you are looking for. All of my signs were individually almost nothing, but the sum of those signs is pretty significant. This made it far too easy to ignore them over the years, and I'm constantly remembering new ones. All small, but adding up more and more. You may find that once you really start to look back you will find some of the "obvious stuff" that seemed like nothing but when placed in context is everything. Even if it is just thoughts and feelings, that counts too!

[Devlyn]

so, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

that's actually a big reason I've been feeling blue lately... I don't see anything like that in myself. childhood: boyish, played outside and got dirty with boys, looked like a boy. teens: boyish, puberty hit hard and early, would say I was a cute guy but not feminine. body: 6'3 (disaster), narrow hips, could be a werewolf if I worked at it. there's just no indicators anywhere, which really makes me doubt myself...

I'm not alone, right? I know most trans women can follow a trail of girly clues up to the point they realized they were trans, but having none really makes me feel... fake, I guess. like I'm sure a lot of you have felt at some point, but even worse. this has really been eating me up lately and giving me the feeling what I am and what I want to be are even further apart than I thought

also I hope this kind of thread is okay

Gotta disagree with that. I was all male all the time until I was in my 40's. I was also never really happy, but I didn't even know it. Now that I live as a woman, I know happiness. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[FinallyMichelle]

A lot of ex military types here. I was a bit of an underachieving trooper comparatively. Truck driver, after Desert Storm not even that that much, worked in the mail room then a dispatcher and was the commander's driver after that until I got out.

Everyone's right though, there doesn't seem to be a specific type of person or markers that can be used as a guideline. My VA group, well I don't go often to be honest, is full of very tough girls. I think that the dysphoria we feel is what makes us trans. At what point in life it happens, no matter what has gone on before, once that bell has been rung it doesn't seem to be able to be unrung.

[JennyBear]

so, obviously, most trans women have a pretty feminine history in one way or another: looking or acting girly as a boy, developmental features that stand out as feminine, stuff like that. stuff that makes it "obvious when you think about it"

that's actually a big reason I've been feeling blue lately... I don't see anything like that in myself. childhood: boyish, played outside and got dirty with boys, looked like a boy. teens: boyish, puberty hit hard and early, would say I was a cute guy but not feminine. body: 6'3 (disaster), narrow hips, could be a werewolf if I worked at it. there's just no indicators anywhere, which really makes me doubt myself...

I'm not alone, right? I know most trans women can follow a trail of girly clues up to the point they realized they were trans, but having none really makes me feel... fake, I guess. like I'm sure a lot of you have felt at some point, but even worse. this has really been eating me up lately and giving me the feeling what I am and what I want to be are even further apart than I thought

also I hope this kind of thread is okay

    First and foremost, no, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Second, this type of thread is definitely ok. Transgenders have a 50% suicide rate that is usually cause by feelings of being trapped, alone, dehuminized or that their struggle isn't valid. We've recently had a thread from a suicidal transwoman living in India. So far, it seems that we have helped her. Pretty much anything goes here, as long as its respectful in its approach. Anyone who doesn't care for a particular subject need merely not read the thread.

    With regards to the main points of your OP: Just because you don't remember ever having been in a "girly phase" does not mean that it never occurred. Our subconscious is great at doing what we need to survive. This includes deep repression of traumatic experiences or personality traits that might lead to harm. It's hard to be sure you never repressed anything without therapy and possibly hypnosis. I didn't know I had been abused as a child until I was 25. It was that same abuse that led me to go through a long period (decades) of self-denial and overcompensation. I was a football player, wrestler, martial artist, power-lifter, body builder, and elite soldier. I'm also a bit of a gear-head chic. I didn't fully come to terms with my gender dysphoria until I was getting out of the Army in 2001. I still like cars and sports, but am otherwise much more feminine than ever before.

    We all have varying backgrounds and paths. The story is never the same for any of us. Just because yours is A-typical doesn't make it any less valid. Unless you attack others here, none of us will judge you or think less of you. If you can't explain why, but transitioning just "Feels Right" then you are on the correct path for you. Don't let others, or your self comparisons to them, get you down or sway you from your personal path to happiness. And remember, we're all here for you. Stay safe.

HUGS!

[Ro]

oh it's a shame I can't give reputation yet you all deserve some

I'm just too much of a perfectionist; like, to me, if I mess up in a video game, I'm the kind of person to start over just so it's perfect all the way through, and that's the kind of mindset I have with like everything

it's this weird thing where like it's totally possible to be comfortable with yourself now but still stressing over then, you know?

I think a new perspective will help with that though, as well as wonderful people like you all

[JennyBear]

oh it's a shame I can't give reputation yet you all deserve some

    You can always bookmark the page for when you have achieved 50 posts, then go back add add them where appropriate. Just remember, its only intended for "Above and Beyond" posts, not just good ones. (Aka, this particular post of mine doesn't qualify.)