Hello

[elkie-t]

Also, I just choose katie on a whim and have no attachment to it... I don't know if that's the name I want, but I didnt want to take a male name. I dont think i should choose yet. I hope its okay if it might change.

The longer you use your new name, the more weight it makes. My first one - Sandra - has none, but Eli/Ellie - many people met me under this name and it's tough to drop it now. It grows on you with use, or you quickly pick a new one.

[Izzy Grace]

Jenny! Yes! Hi! I would love to be friends. I'm spinning out on things, you joined a day before me, but I can just tell you've got a lot more under your belt.

that makes total sense. I'm going to just ride it out for a while and see who I am, so much keeps coming out and revealing itself... thanks for the calm words of reason. I get to mentally flailing. Sometimes I can just navigate things and sometimes I'm just a flibbertigibbet. I can say that if I'm Katie, its katie, not kathleen or katherine, heh, one down.

Wow! Did the hormones and blockers have similar effects to any degree on your height? I guess its obvious what star I'm wishing on. I've read alot of girls say they experience some moderate shrinking. I dont expect anything, but I'm hoping for moderate. Though i know that kind of change will take some real time.

Ellie! Hello!
That makes total sense, sometimes I just need people to help me get down out of the clouds of my worry and get back to the ground, heh! 

[Izzy Grace]

ANYONE/EVERYONE

Where can I go to get advice on counseling?
I'm having an issue where my counselor I was going to see isn't licensed as a therapist and has been cited for claiming to be one and misrepresenting her status and level of experience. I guess she knows operates as a lifecoach. I don't know enough here on my own to be informed enough to make a decision on this and I dont want to make a mistake on this issue.

I understand people probably arent comfortable giving advice on this, thats fine, but maybe you know of a resource that does help with this kind of thing?

Things is, I dont have insurance and the insurance options I have even if I did dont cover mental health well at all, so I was on sliding scale.

[Roll]

Depending on where you are it can take a bit work to find a therapist unfortunately, though most major cities should have reputable gender specialists I imagine. I'm not sure what links are or aren't allowed on the forums so I'll leave the direct links to people who do know, but there are a number of LGBT care provider search sites out there that are a good start, it is how I found the name of the person I am seeing (though I did homework beyond just the search). If you need online like I did because of a lack of proper providers in your area, there is a thread in the therapy section here with some online names, but I'm not sure how up to date it is and one or two I reached out to wouldn't take out of state patients. To find someone that would see me online I had to sift through state results and sort of go site by site.

[elkie-t]

If you don't have an insurance, you might find a supportive help from someone else... I personally don't think going to a shrink is a requirement to one's wellbeing.

You don't need gender therapist to start HRT, you can find an endorsed working on 'informed consent' model, although it's advisable to think it through...

Neither is needed for facial surgery or facial hair removal.

One would need a letter from GT for the final surgery, but that is so quite down the road...


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[JennyBear]

Jenny!
Wow! Did the hormones and blockers have similar effects to any degree on your height? I guess its obvious what star I'm wishing on. I've read alot of girls say they experience some moderate shrinking. I dont expect anything, but I'm hoping for moderate. Though i know that kind of change will take some real time.

    The only "shrinkage" (pun intended) type of effect they have on height is that with the reduction in muscle and tendon size, there is a minutely smaller space between joints, we're talking nanometers here, and if you don't correct it a slight change in natural posture that makes for an apparent loss of height. Have to be careful with that since poor posture has all sorts of problems. Basically the way it works is, you have decades of muscle memory and muscle tone that help you stand erect without effort. Take away a large chunk of that and a conscious effort is required to combat the effects of gravity. Trust me, it would be much easier to pass if I was shorter rather than half an inch shy of six foot, add that to my massive former body builder frame, and you can imagine why I would wish for "shrinkage" as well.

    Regarding Therapists, there is the healthcare Section of the LINKS area of the website. A more concentrated google/yahoo search also helps yield results. Use all of the following terms in the search bar to narrow down sites to those that would better help you: Transgender, Psychologist (psychiatrists can't prescribe meds,) Your State, Your City (if you live in a small town, use the nearest major city.) Hope this helps.

HUGS!

[Izzy Grace]

If you need online like I did because of a lack of proper providers in your area, there is a thread in the therapy section here with some online names, but I'm not sure how up to date it is and one or two I reached out to wouldn't take out of state patients. To find someone that would see me online I had to sift through state results and sort of go site by site.

I do need someone online. I really am in a horrible place for all of this. Thanks for the insight. I will dig a bit deeper on that question.

You don't need gender therapist to start HRT, you can find an endorsed working on 'informed consent' model, although it's advisable to think it through...

I found a doctor a bit of a drive away, a doable drive, and she does not need a letter for hormones. I just think I need a bot of help navigating all these feelings and issues. I wish i could say I dont, but...

Trust me, it would be much easier to pass if I was shorter rather than half an inch shy of six foot, add that to my massive former body builder frame, and you can imagine why I would wish for "shrinkage" as well.

    Regarding Therapists, there is the healthcare Section of the LINKS area of the website. A more concentrated google/yahoo search also helps yield results. Use all of the following terms in the search bar to narrow down sites to those that would better help you: Transgender, Psychologist (psychiatrists can't prescribe meds,) Your State, Your City (if you live in a small town, use the nearest major city.) Hope this helps.

Yeah, I'm just over 6'. dang. I'm not super muscley, though my legs are far more lean. All my weight is in the hips, stomach, I'm pretty lean everywhere else. I totally understand!

[elkie-t]

Yeah, I'm just over 6'. dang. I'm not super muscley, though my legs are far more lean. All my weight is in the hips, stomach, I'm pretty lean everywhere else. I totally understand!

Cool. You can be a model. Feminity is not defined by height (which you cannot change), but on a combination of things - and most of them you can change in your favor. And if you register as a female - then your height is no longer a drag, it becomes a not an issue. Think of all models - all are tall, all are feminine, all are envied.

[Izzy Grace]

I know! I swear I do know!

It's "Residual Self Image", how I have seen the girl inside all these years. Not model tall and fierce. Petite and cute. I am sure I can get over it, but its part of my journey, you know?

That's why the game Life is Strange was pretty much the big event that started tearing down my walls. Everything about it fit the ideal internal visualization I had built up in my head all these years. Everything I am inside turned into a visual form and I just attached to it completely.

When it was over, I literally had a mourning period for the outward expression I was having. I was crying driving back and forth to work and in a big funk all day for a few weeks. I really was living both those girls as my life to full tilt. I've got a healthy imagination, let me tell you and of course, I was ripe for this to all come pouring out, it couldn't have been more serendipitous. That was probably the worst dysphoria/discomfort I have ever had in my life. I felt like dying. There was a perilous moment where I just didn't understand what was happening to me but I felt like giving up on everything.

I couldn't just pick it back up because it didn't feel like real experiences, unknown and revealed for the first time anymore.

Ever since then everything has been on a steadily increasing curve as I started deviating on the big question. Literally, it was like part of my mind was just playing at subterfuge, increasingly deviating. Watching transformation videos like a lot, all the old favorites, crossdressing, wishing, everything. I could no longer ignore, despite trying, until I had the A-HA moment when I read Jennifer Coates post on Medium, and then I had a panic attack and freaked out and from there its just been a kind of rebirth.

Today I got a last minute referral to a therapist, no idea if she was affirmative. I just went and it was again, serendipitous. Shes fully affirmative and I cried like I haven't cried in years and it all just flooded out and I left there feeling better than I have in.... decades.

I know its a work in progress but for 15 minutes I feel good about myself in a new and also in an old and long forgotten way.

[Roll]

Today I got a last minute referral to a therapist, no idea if she was affirmative. I just went and it was again, serendipitous. Shes fully affirmative and I cried like I haven't cried in years and it all just flooded out and I left there feeling better than I have in.... decades.

I know its a work in progress but for 15 minutes I feel good about myself in a new and also in an old and long forgotten way.

<3!! I'm so happy for you that you found a therapist that you connected with! I hope that you continue to have wonderful experiences like you did today!

Also I really need to finish Life is Strange. I am a total Ashley Burch fangirl so have no excuse.

[JennyBear]

Also I really need to finish Life is Strange. I am a total Ashley Burch fangirl so have no excuse.

    I've never heard of it. Don't even know if its a book, movie or TV series. Care to fill me in?

HUGS!

[Roll]

    I've never heard of it. Don't even know if its a book, movie or TV series. Care to fill me in?

HUGS!

Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a story line involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.

[JennyBear]

Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a story line involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.

    Ok, I had heard about it, but forgotten, as most of the mystery genre normally isn't my cup of tea. I didn't know about the GBLTQ aspect, so I may have to check it out. The last queer themed game I played that wasn't a Yuri was Void and Meddler, which while interesting in concept, was rather disappointing in execution and enjoyment IMO. Thanks for the info.

HUGS!

[Izzy Grace]

Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a storyline involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy-handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.

Wow. Roll, seriously, have you considered writing and reviewing for profit? Spot on and well done! Yeah, the realism of the relationship, being a girl, alienated, etc... it was just so well done. The whole game was so empathically accurate and deep, it just kicked open the doors I had locked upstairs. Admittedly, I was nearing a threshold and the effects of a lifetime of repression, lies, and depression.