Coming out to new gf

[joaus]

Hey everyone,

I apologise if this question has been asked quite a few times, but I'm in a bit of a dilemma about when to tell my new gf that i'm FTM.  A bit of background info - I've been on T for 8yrs and have had top surgery and pass 100%.  I met this new girl a couple of weeks ago and have met up a few times.  She is overseas at the moment and we've spoken on the phone a few times, last time talking for 4hours. We've hit it off really well and i really like her.  Would definitely want to pursue a relationship with her.  Note: we are both 30yrs old.  She is a lovely person, shy.
My last partner knew me before I transitioned so didn't have to worry about that.  Anyways, my new gf is away for another 1.5weeks and as its going really well, I feel like I need to tell her.  What are your thoughts about telling her over the phone while she is away?  Gives her a bit of space to think about it.  And if I do, I really don't know how to tell her.  I read somewhere that one guy tries to keep it a bit scientific eg. male brain, female body and there is actuall quite a bit of research going into it atm.
Any ideas, guidance would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you again for your help.
Cheers,
joaus

[MeTony]

I would tell her face to face. Not on the phone. Face to face you can answer questions, you will see the reaction and I think it is more honest to do so.

If you leave her thinking alone, it can go any way. She might be in doubt and you can't do anything because you don't know.


Tony

[joaus]

Thanks Tony.

Yea, I have been in a constant struggle between face-to-face and over the phone.  Has anyone have any good ideas/suggestions on how to tell them without trying to make it a big deal or easier to accept?  Its just that I'm not very good with words and explaining so if I have some sort of 'script' or tips that would really help.
Thanks again.

Joaus

[Laurie]

Hi Joaus,

  I'm Laurie, MtF.  Welcome to Susan's Place. Come on in the water's fine. I wish I had some advice for you but  love lives and amorous coming out issues are definitively things I should stay clear of. So I will just leave it at that and provide you with some info we always try to supply our new members. Hopefully you will get better help for you younger group of folks here. Good luck.

  I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.

Laurie
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[Lady Lisandra]

Face to face would be better I think, but it would be a great shock. If you tell her over the phone, she'll have time to process it before you two meet. I'd do it face to face.

My favourite way to come out to people is telling something about my old identity. Like "My name used to be (Insert old name here)". Or "When I was a girl...". It avoids making it look like a big problem IMO.


I met my girlfriend when I was a buy. Before we started dating we had to do a little catch up, and she refered to me as "gentleman". I told her that gentlewoman would be more adecuate now. That's how I came out to her. But at that time we were just old friends reconecting, we had no idea what was going to happen.

[Jailyn]

I am agreeance with everyone in person. On the phone is tacky, just like breaking up over the phone. It's an etiquette thing. As far as what to say. You don't need a script or have the perfect words for it. She'll either understand or not. Be genuine, be yourself, awkward and everything. It's okay to be clumsy with the words you are doing what's proper and right. Put things to her how you want to express them. Saying you were born with a boy's brain in a girl's body is a very simplistic way to put it. I can relate to you and how to tell people you like and love. I have to tell my children at the end of the month. I am like obsessing how to do it, when and mostly reactions. The reaction phase is the part I am scared of, but good luck and you'll do great and be confident in what you tell her and when you answer. We are very prevalent in society as transgenders so it probably won't be something she hasn't heard of before. The shock will be that you are one, but don't take that as a bad thing. Good luck!!!!!

[Megan.]

Again,  I'd do it in person. If you think you might freeze up,  you can write it in a letter for her to read with you. Good luck. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[joaus]

Thank you everyone for your help.  I plan on doing it the first weekend she is back before things move into a more serious relationship.
And Jailyn - I wish you all the best when you tell your children at the end of the month.

Joaus