Quote from: BarryA on October 09, 2017, 06:00:40 PM
So I came out to my mom almost a month ago. She's a really closed minded person. At first she told me she would always love me and accept me for who I am, but after I told her that I wanted to transition she changed. She started telling me that nobody would love "a woman without breasts but a vagina", that I was being ridiculous for wanting to be a man while liking boys (she doesn't know that I'm pansexual), that if I transitioned we would move to another town were nobody knows her. I want, I NEED to transition, but thinking about making her ashamed of me or the idea of she not loving me anymore if I do it really scares me. I only care about my parents, and if I lose them I don't know what would I do. I don't really know what to do anymore, I hate myself and this body, but I can't do this to her...
Congratulations Barry on coming out. It is a terribly difficult thing to do especially when family is concerned. We all hope to have that response from our parents that just encompasses us and makes us feel warm and fuzzy. It is unfortunate that some parents are not like this and see transition as all about them or having no idea at all about what being transgender actually means. They are unable to generate the empathy to understand the difficulties that you are going through. I would encourage you at this early stage to keep talking to them and keep the lines of communication open. This may not always be the easiest thing to do especially when they are unsupportive.
Barry you are not doing
anything to your parents, being transgender is not a choice but a physiological fact that requires in many cases medical assistance to relieve the suffering that is caused by this incongruity. Do you have access to anybody such as a therapist who you are able to speak to if only to help you when things are particularly tough.
Sometimes it takes a while for people to really adjust to what you have said, think about it and process it. Quite often their first reaction is not the last reaction and each person processes this at their own pace.
When I came out to my parents and I'm in my 50s they also reacted similar to as you have described. But over the last two years they have improved, at least to my face. I still think there are some basic underlying misconceptions held by my parents but I don't actually think I will be able to change them nor am I inclined to waste the time trying. I think the best I can hope for is a certain amount of civility and maybe over the next few years a greater level of understanding and compassion.
You only have one shot at life, your parents have had their opportunity to live their lives as they see fit without the constraints placed on them by society that are placed on you. You have the right to live an authentic life. You don't have to lose your parents from your life you may have to make some compromises in order to keep the lines of communication open that is only a decision that you can make.
If you are dependent upon your parents support for your living circumstances then that changes things considerably as you need somewhere to live. So depending on your living circumstances may depend on how much you have to put up with if they are going to be unsupportive.
I hope you are able to work it out
