Patience while transitioning

[bethanyz]

hello everyone,

i spent some time with my MTF girlfriend this weekend.   she started HRT two months ago and is working towards setting up surgeries, etc.  i know that it's human nature to want instant gratification.  she wants to be a girl NOW!  i get this!  but it will take some time before she has her surgeries, will also take time for the HRT to do what it's going to do. 

my question is this....how do we support our transgender partners that "want it now"? 

warm regards,

bethanyz

[Dena]

I don't know, perhaps a bucket of cold water?  Fortunately nobody was around me to complain to and I put my effort into filling all the requirements and planing everything that needed to be done before surgery. In my case, I had to complete at least half the facial hair removal and rebuild my savings. There was no getting around that reality. Perhaps you could provide a remainder of what still needs to be done. Most important is for you to remember that you have gone beyond the call of duty already and try not to take it personally when she gets a bit moody. If she gets to far out of control, just gently remind her how long it took you to go through puberty. We all know it didn't happen overnight but sometimes we forget.

[bethanyz]

smiles @ Dena!!!  i don't think she would appreciate cold water, but i may have to try that.  it's not that i mind her saying things like "i want my boobs to be in" or my voice is still too low." 

i think the problem may actually be with my delivery.  i want to sound empathetic, but i keep telling her things like "you've been talking in this deeper voice since puberty, it's going to take time and tons of practice" or, you've only been on HRT for two months, what's the hurry?"  she knows that these are truthful answers, but it's not necessarily what she wants to hear.

the truth is, she's beautiful.  with boobs, without boobs....with a higher pitched voice, with a deep voice.  i really don't know how i got so lucky to be sooooo blessed, but i'll take it!!

warm regards,

bethanyz

[MareldaRavyn]

My wife has just started HRT as well, and I remember her asking me every day whether her breasts had developed any further, and whether she looked good and was passable. I was reassuring her multiple times a day but she didn't seem to believe me and needed more reassurance.
I explained to her that I know she was excited about the changes that were happening, and I'm excited for her, but she needed to calm down a little bit
She still excitedly shows me the progress the HRT is making and it makes my day to see how happy she is about it.
As to your question, I know my wife very well and we can openly have a conversation about this without anyone taking offence, so that worked for us.


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[Anne Blake]

Hello Bethanyz,

First off, kudos to you for standing by and working with your wife through her transition. Not an easy task but so worth it.

Second, a wandering bit of advice. Gender is who you are, life is what we do. For the most part, transitioning begins when we choose to take on the trans beast and actively pursue who we are. Some say that it ends at some point, whether hrt or one level of surgery or another (others say it continues for life and the truth for me is somewhere between the two). I had lived 67 years as a man and began transitioning 2.5 years ago, my gcs took place a month ago. So my "transition" period of 2.5 years is sort of over but I still need to learn what this new life is all about. I have been learning during those 2.5 years and will continue to grow into the new me and along with my wife of 34 years grow into what our "new" lives are all about. That is done one day at a time and when I was too focused on achieving the next step, I missed on the magic of life changes. Now it is time for the classic line, "slow down and take time to smell the roses". The magic of becoming a woman is enjoying the wonder of each and every step.....if you miss it you won't get another chance.

Good luck for the two of you.

[bethanyz]

My wife has just started HRT as well, and I remember her asking me every day whether her breasts had developed any further, and whether she looked good and was passable. I was reassuring her multiple times a day but she didn't seem to believe me and needed more reassurance.
I explained to her that I know she was excited about the changes that were happening, and I'm excited for her, but she needed to calm down a little bit
She still excitedly shows me the progress the HRT is making and it makes my day to see how happy she is about it.
As to your question, I know my wife very well and we can openly have a conversation about this without anyone taking offence, so that worked for us.

@MareldaRavyn...thanks for chiming in.  isn't awesome to be completely open and honest about what we're going through!?!  i'm grateful that i can have all of my feels and talk about them too!!  good, bad...all open for conversation. 

what i truly love is how happy she is.  she smiles so much more freely now. i get her frustration in wanting to see more change now, but it goes in it's own time....


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[bethanyz]

Hello Bethanyz,

First off, kudos to you for standing by and working with your wife through her transition. Not an easy task but so worth it.

Second, a wandering bit of advice. Gender is who you are, life is what we do. For the most part, transitioning begins when we choose to take on the trans beast and actively pursue who we are. Some say that it ends at some point, whether hrt or one level of surgery or another (others say it continues for life and the truth for me is somewhere between the two). I had lived 67 years as a man and began transitioning 2.5 years ago, my gcs took place a month ago. So my "transition" period of 2.5 years is sort of over but I still need to learn what this new life is all about. I have been learning during those 2.5 years and will continue to grow into the new me and along with my wife of 34 years grow into what our "new" lives are all about. That is done one day at a time and when I was too focused on achieving the next step, I missed on the magic of life changes. Now it is time for the classic line, "slow down and take time to smell the roses". The magic of becoming a woman is enjoying the wonder of each and every step.....if you miss it you won't get another chance.

Good luck for the two of you.

@Ann Blake, thanks for this perspective, incredible food for thought...

[MareldaRavyn]

Hi Bethanyz
I'm glad I replied, it's nice to hear from another couple doing well together!
Tammy is so much happier now, she's calmer and coping better at work, it's amazing the changes that have happened so far! Looking forward to the future


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[Tammy Jade]

As an impatient MTF who also wants to be a girl "NOW" it can be really hard getting up every day and not seeing a lot of change.

The best thing you can do is be supportive and particularly in the early stages of HRT and remember that the changes will come but not overnight or probably as quickly as she wants.

She sounds like she is really lucky to have someone who is on her side like yourself


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[bethanyz]

@MareldaRavyn, i was starting to think there was something wrong with me for having good relationships with my partners.  my world is small.  my life is relatively drama-free.  i have surrounded myself with friends and chosen family that support and think similarly to the way i think.  why is that not the norm!?!

i'm really glad that you and Tammy are doing so well. 

@Tammy Jade, i hadn't really thought about it from that perspective, but i genuinely understand the frustration, i just don't always have patience for it.  i have to say though, i love how her body and emotional state are evolving.