Quote from: Allie24 on October 14, 2017, 07:33:30 PM
Maybe it's the trying to sort it out that's the problem. Putting pressure on your self to tick off both boxes simultaenously and yet separately. It really does sound like a nightmare. Binaries and categories can be toxic entities. Sometimes they need to be shed before finding any peace.
I'm not sure how androgyny would trigger dysphoria though... I'd be interested to know why that is the case for you.
Androgyny is a trigger for me because until January, I was trapped in a place where I didn't understand that I was trans, at age 47! I had never heard of non-binary, except applying to those who are either agender or androgyne, and only in the last few years. I would walk down the street in my overtly femme clothes (I haven't worn a pair of pants since about 1996 - skirts only!) and be utterly confused as to why I knew I was killing it, but felt that people were staring at me and about to call me out for being a fake. Also my body is more masculine than feminine - 5'9" with big feet, big hands, no hips, hirsute, and far more muscled than most women (yet my testosterone levels were female-normal; I had them checked because I was terribly insecure in my femininity). But I hadn't a clue why I felt that way. I did know that anything that wasn't distinctly gendered male or female was terribly upsetting. Now I know it was because it triggered the uncertainty in my subconscious gender identity. Now anything non-gendered represents to me those 35 years when I was stuck in that miserable middle place with no clue why I was there or what it meant.
Now that I understand, my girl side is much happier and I can dress totally girly without that old insecurity, since I know my guy is in there and as long as I acknowledge and embrace that side of me. Now I'm waiting eagerly to get my abdominoplasty and panniculectomy, (because of a huge panniculus caused by 110 pounds of weight loss, pants don't fit) and give my inner guy his due.
