I thought it was going to help

[KittyKatKiera]

Hi,
i don't know if this has happened to any of you or not. Before all of the hormone, etc.... At least I had friends and family even though i was constantly in the psych ward from trying to kill myself and also having dissociative identity disorder. I have scars covering both arms all over it's as noticeable as someone having tat's(sleves). All of my friends and family hated to see me hurting myself constantly.But after the surgeries and everything I thought i was going to feel better about my self and everything. But it didn't. I feel more like a hideous monster now then I've ever did. I have no one in my life now i go to work and come home and don't leave the house I have no one to talk to no one to go anywhere with no one... And the couple times I've tried to meet people it always been disappointing and it makes me feel worse then i did before.

[LizK]

Hi KittyKatKiera

Welcome to Susan's

Sounds like you are in a tough place. It is horrible when you feel as you do and I hope in some small way we can help you feel a bit better when you are on the board. Do you have people in real life you can reach out too when things aren't great. Are there any support groups close to you? 

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[KittyKatKiera]

No I have no one in my life. Other then work colleagues and my kitty.

[stephaniec]

sorry your in that spot

[Natsuki Kuga]

I'm sorry you're there now. No fun at all. Headed that direction myself.

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[flytrap]

Hi KittyKatKiera,
I am DID too and so are a few other people here on the forum. We sort of keep track of each other in this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,218553.msg1934547.html#msg1934547
~Flytrap

[JennyBear]

    That's a really rough spot to be in. Hopefully you have access to and are currently making us of counseling/therapy. If not I would strongly encourage it, as it sounds as though your issues are with more than just transgender ones, and are fairly severe. While it might not completely cure you of those feelings, at the least it should help you understand them, and maybe find comfort there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We are all here for you. Feel free to buddy me and/or message me (if I'm online) if you just need someone to talk to one on one. Stay Safe.

HUGS!

[JoanneB]

Have you searched for any "local" TG support groups? I lived in rural West Virginia and for me local was some 90 miles away. I am and was even more of the shy introvert type so going anywhere with people and especially none that I know was difficult. I was also a recent transplant from NYC into the area and although I worked with about 500 people just about everyone were all settled into their lives and generally we all were scattered around a 30-50 mile circle from the plant. So basically even at work there were really nobody to hang with, totally unlike other jobs I've had.

[coldHeart]

Hi kitty katt
I,m in a similar situation I feel worse since I have transition, I feel & hate my self that I have taken all my mirrors down in my house & have stopped going out side, lie you I cut myself to just cope with every thing.
It is a very lonely place to be.

[Brina_cd]

Hi,
i don't know if this has happened to any of you or not. Before all of the hormone, etc.... At least I had friends and family even though i was constantly in the psych ward from trying to kill myself and also having dissociative identity disorder. I have scars covering both arms all over it's as noticeable as someone having tat's(sleves). All of my friends and family hated to see me hurting myself constantly.But after the surgeries and everything I thought i was going to feel better about my self and everything. But it didn't. I feel more like a hideous monster now then I've ever did. I have no one in my life now i go to work and come home and don't leave the house I have no one to talk to no one to go anywhere with no one... And the couple times I've tried to meet people it always been disappointing and it makes me feel worse then i did before.

I'm not trans, but my father was, so please know that I'm not speaking from actual T experience. From having a borderline-abusive MtF father who took her anger out on the evidence of her biological sex - her sons.

Sometimes you have to get out, do little things, like stop @ Starbucks when you get food for your furkid. Sitting alone in your flat sometimes lets things fester, and you wind up feeling worse and worse about yourself. I'm wondering if clinical depression has come to visit and add its 2 tons to your shoulders.

You may want to see if your local library has a copy of "Furiously Happy" (mine had the audio book available online though overdrive) and take a look at the author's blog (Google 'the blogess" and you should find it). She fights depression, severe social anxiety, and numerous health issues, and it gets dark sometimes. But there may be some nuggets of hard-won wisdom there.

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[Lady Lisandra]

Depression is a powerful enemy... Transitioning helps, a lot, but it might not be enough if you have other issues on the background.

I hate knowing somebody feels alone. But all I can do is offering my online company for now. If you ever come to Buenos Aires, let me know and we can have a coffee.

[LizK]

I'm not trans, but my father was, so please know that I'm not speaking from actual T experience. From having a borderline-abusive MtF father who took her anger out on the evidence of her biological sex - her sons.


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Hi Brina_cd

Welcome to Susan's, it would seem that no one has actually officially welcomed you despite being on the site for awhile. My apologies about that and glad you are sticking around.  Sounds like you have some hard won insights that many of us have never experienced. Thank you for sharing them. I can't imagine that would be easy for you.

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Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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