My boobs are growing!! (Charlie Nicki's Diary)

[Allison S]

Yes definitely relieving. I forgot to mention that both my mother and my brother made posts of their own in their social media accounts, supporting me. And posted recent pictures where we are together.

It has been absolutely wonderful. I'm blessed to have such a supportive family. My dad also encouraged me, he was the first one who told me to go ahead and post it, and that he would support me no matter what.

Your mom and brother's posts are the cutest, most heart warming posts... I didn't know about your father saying that! Wow, I love the support of your family and you deserve every bit of it [emoji173]

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[Charlie Nicki]

Your mom and brother's posts are the cutest, most heart warming posts... I didn't know about your father saying that! Wow, I love the support of your family and you deserve every bit of it [emoji173]

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Thank you sis!

[Charlie Nicki]

So, as usual,  life couldn't let me be happy for more than a few days. I found out my ex is in a  committed relationship now and it really hurts. Just writing about it hurts. Meanwhile I'm still alone, sad, feeling unattractive and undesirable, absolutely depressed, having awful thoughts and still in love with him. I was stupid enough to text him because I missed him and all he did was reject me again.

It's hard getting out of bed and find motivation to do anything so thank God at least I'm on vacation from work this week so I can just sleep all day and try to forget about this.

[pamelatransuk]

I am so sorry things have again taken a turn for the worse.

I know how painful it is when someone you love is with someone else. It physically hurts and it drains you.

I feel for you.

Once again just try to concentrate on what you have already achieved and what you have to look forward to - I know it so hard to adjust your thinking of course.

Hugs

Pamela

[annaleaver]

Yay, boobs

[Charlie Nicki]

I am so sorry things have again taken a turn for the worse.

I know how painful it is when someone you love is with someone else. It physically hurts and it drains you.

I feel for you.

Once again just try to concentrate on what you have already achieved and what you have to look forward to - I know it so hard to adjust your thinking of course.

Hugs

Pamela

Yes, I'm trying to get distracted and think about something else.

[Northern Star Girl]

Yes, I'm trying to get distracted and think about something else.

@Charlie Nicki   YES indeed, get distracted and think about something else .... yes, that is a good plan.

What usually works for me is to physically get involved in something else, walking, jogging, going to the gym, going shopping, going out to coffee or lunch with friends, etc.   Alone, doing those things I can ponder and think about my situation and perhaps find solutions within myself.... on the other hand when I involve myself with my friends doing various activities.... the conversations about the others are always a good way to get my mind off of "me" ....
  ... then of course as you have probably read some of my posts regarding my personal journal that I keep.  I have a pen and paper journal that I can write down my most personal thoughts... things that I don't necessarily reveal on the forums...  I find that is a good way for me to explore and vent my frustrations and life issues and at the same time I can explore how to possibly resolve them.... I also do a fair amount of doodling and drawing small crazy pictures among my writings in the journal. 
My personal journal has been a very helpful way for me to review my actions and inactions... and it turned out to be a good personal therapy tool for myself. 
Then later on, months or even years later it is always revealing to read my old journal entrees to see how I handled things in the past and to examine the results......
 
.... anyway Charlie Nicki  ...   I am just rambling here trying to get your mind off of the issues that are confronting you... and perhaps giving you additional ideas of how you can deal with things.....

As always, I am wishing you well and giving you my hugs....
Danielle

[Charlie Nicki]

Hey Danielle,

Yes I keep a journal. I haven't updated it in a while because sometimes I feel like writing about the things that upset me, puts me back in a sad mood. Right now I am feeling better mostly because I'm trying to keep myself distracted. Also, my friends are coming from my hometown this weekend to celebrate my birthday and go to the pride march. I've been shopping which is always a good therapy and I got eyelash extensions yesterday and they look soooo pretty! Makes me feel more feminine.

While the girl was putting them on, we were talking and she asked about my love life. I told her about my breakup and how sad I was feeling, so I made sure to ask what would happen to the lashes if I cried. She told me to avoid crying and just think about what I'm paying for the lashes so I know not to cry and ruin them lol. It was a really good advice. I'm not allowing myself to get lost in negative thoughts and cry. I'll just enjoy the weekend for now and hope things start looking up again.

My therapist suggested I get my T levels checked, he said that it is possible that after orchi my T is too low, making me feel extra sad. He also said that while it's very likely that I do miss my ex, there's also a big possibility that I'm mourning my old life after going full time and he's the representation of all of that. Makes sense as well but I don't want to think much about it, I just want it to be over.

[Jessica]

Hey girlfriend, have a wonderful time with your hometown friends.  It's great they will be with you on your birthday!
You know I want to see your beautiful eyes and their extensions, you know how to do that for me.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Charlie Nicki]

Hey girlfriend, have a wonderful time with your hometown friends.  It's great they will be with you on your birthday!
You know I want to see your beautiful eyes and their extensions, you know how to do that for me.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Yes the weekend is finally here hoping to have a  lot of fun.

[Allison S]

Yes the weekend is finally here hoping to have a  lot of fun.

Oh u will! And u better tell all

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[Charlie Nicki]

Oh u will! And u better tell all

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I will!

[Charlie Nicki]

Ok so my birthday celebration was yesterday. My actual birthday hasn't come yet.

The pros:

-Most of my friends were there, as well as my family, and they all complimented me on how pretty I looked. I felt at ease and completely comfortable most of the time.

The cons:

-I feel completely left out from the dating scene. It was a straight club and I didn't get much attention besides some guy staring at me. He was hot and my friends kept telling me he was checking me out but he didn't make a move and I wasn't gonna make one either, he's the man! And well I'm attracted to 2 guys in my circle and unfortunately they're both gay.   I've kissed both of them before and they kind of give me attention but at the same time I can see how they behave with attractive men and it's different than how they behave with me. So I just need to forget about them... I ended up feeling alone and kinda sad despite it being a fun night.

-When I went to the bar to get a drink I could hear a group of guys chanting behind me "it's a >-bleeped-<, it's a >-bleeped-<"... Of course it was directed to me. I ignored it and was able to completely forget about it for the rest of the night until my insecurities about not being attractive to anyone kicked in and I started feeling like a freak again.

So yay for freakish little me! The pride march is today so at least I'll get to join other weirdos and we'll feel weird and out of place together.

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

Ok so my birthday celebration was yesterday. My actual birthday hasn't come yet.
               - - - - -- -
- - - -- - - -
-I feel completely left out from the dating scene. It was a straight club and I didn't get much attention besides some guy staring at me. He was hot and my friends kept telling me he was checking me out but he didn't make a move and I wasn't gonna make one either, he's the man! And well I'm attracted to 2 guys in my circle and unfortunately they're both gay.   I've kissed both of them before and they kind of give me attention but at the same time I can see how they behave with attractive men and it's different than how they behave with me. So I just need to forget about them... I ended up feeling alone and kinda sad despite it being a fun night.

-When I went to the bar to get a drink I could hear a group of guys chanting behind me "it's a >-bleeped-<, it's a >-bleeped-<"... Of course it was directed to me. I ignored it and was able to completely forget about it for the rest of the night until my insecurities about not being attractive to anyone kicked in and I started feeling like a freak again.
- - - - - - - - - - - -

@Charlie Nicki
Dear Charlie Nicki:   
I will be early .... but HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU 
I trust that it will be a very special day for you to celebrate.

You don't have to tell me about the frustrations and insecurities of the dating scene... I personally know that it can be a difficult gauntlet to maneuver around for sure.   Just use your commons sense and while going with your heart, your mind might know some things too.....   just be very careful and take things slowly.

You did absolutely the correct thing by ignoring those jerks that were calling you names and being rude....  You can not give them any satisfaction of seeing you get upset by their comments and tauntings.

You are NOT a freak, nor are you weird.  Do not let thoughts like that take control of your mind. 

Please keep posting your updates and keeping your readers and followers informed.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Jessica]

Hey girlfriend...(((hug))) Happy early Birthday 🎉
It was wonderful your friends were with you at the party.  Were they unable to be with you when those jerks were spouting off?  You did the right thing about ignoring them, for safety sake if you were alone.  So sister, if you were alone, I don't want you to not do the things you love doing, but having another girlfriend with you is safest for all women in general. 

Love you, Jess 💕💕🎉🎉🎉💕💕

[Northern Star Girl]

Hey girlfriend...(((hug))) Happy early Birthday 🎉
It was wonderful your friends were with you at the party.  Were they unable to be with you when those jerks were spouting off?  You did the right thing about ignoring them, for safety sake if you were alone.  So sister, if you were alone, I don't want you to not do the things you love doing, but having another girlfriend with you is safest for all women in general. 

Love you, Jess 💕💕🎉🎉🎉💕💕

@Charlie Nicki:
Dear Charlie Nicki: 
Safety in numbers... @Jessica is very correct about that.

Some time ago in my thread I detailed when some jerks in the next door coffee shop were insulting and talking badly about me being a trans-woman... it was my friends that were there that came to my defense in a big way, and also  the owner of the coffee shop and the employees there told the offenders in very clear terms to stop the bad talk and to never to do it again, at least in the coffee shop.  That is where I have met most of my small town friends and business clients.... and my suitors too !!! 

Again.... safety in numbers and safety in having your friends with you.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

Hey love, we talked and you know my take already. We're being tested at times and it can truly be too much. Take care of yourself [emoji173]

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[Rachel]

Some guys are jerks. They say mean things at times and to strangers. Sorry they said what they did. You are not a freak. You are a trans woman in transition and in an awkward time.

What ever you do, do not let the negative comments in. Always say in your mind that comment is rude and mean and never let it in. Deflect mean comments and do not tell yourself mean comments either.

Positive People are attracted to positive energy and negative people are attracted to negative energy. We all have bad days or a bad spell. Always reach out when you need a friend or just to unload.

[pamelatransuk]

No Charlie Nicki you are NOT a freak or a weirdo and neither are the others you meet at Pride.

Try and see the night as more positive as not only did your family and friends compliment you and you felt so comfortable but also you were able to ignore at the time those horrible insulting comments. I have no time for mocking or taunting and you did well to not let it bother you at the time and hence give the jerks the satisfaction.

Obviously it depressed you significantly later and I feel for you but as I have said before, remember what you have already achieved and what you have to look forward to.

I wish you Happy Birthday in advance.

Hugs

Pamela

[Roll]

Dani, even though it has been said by others, it is worth saying it again: You are not a freak. None of us are.

We are people struggling with one of the greatest social challenges in modern society, and you should take pride in that. Your strength and courage  are all too evident, and those jackasses can only wish they had even a fraction of what you have shown. Often people say such things out of their own insecurities and fears, engaging in destructive group behavior, and if they had even an once of your strength they wouldn't have said those things to begin with.

Love you girl, we should chat more again sometime it has been a while!

OH, and happy birthday!